A Political Romance | Page 3

would as certainly do the same Thing to others; though this, I said, was wise, the Trouble of the Precaution might have been spared, --because the Parson's Character was unblemish'd,--and he had ever been held by the World in the Estimation of a Man of Honour and Integrity.-- Trim's Character, on the contrary, was as well known, if not in the World, yet, at least, in all the Parish, to be that of a little, dirty, pimping, pettifogging, ambidextrous Fellow,--who neither cared what he did or said of any, provided he could get a Penny by it.--This might, I say, have made any Precaution needless;--but you must know, as the Parson had in a Manner but just got down to his Living, he dreaded the Consequences of the least ill Impression on his first Entrance amongst his Parishioners, which would have disabled him from doing them the Good he Wished;--so that, out of Regard to his Flock, more than the necessary Care due to himself,--he was resolv'd not to lie at the Mercy of what Resentment might vent, or Malice lend an Ear to.--Accordingly the whole Matter was rehearsed from first to last by the Parson, in the Manner I've told you, in the Hearing of John the Parish-Clerk, and in the Presence of Trim.
Trim had little to say for himself, except "That the Parson had absolutely promised to befriend him and his Wife in the Affair, to the utmost of his Power: That the Watch-Coat was certainly in his Power, and that he might give it him if he pleased."
To this, the Parson's Reply was short, but strong, "That nothing was in his Power to do, but what he could do honestly:--That in giving the Coat to him and his Wife, he should do a manifest Wrong to the next Sexton; the great Watch-Coat being the most comfortable Part of the Place:--That he should, moreover, injure the Right of his own Successor, who would be just so much a worse Patron, as the Worth of the Coat amounted to;--and, in a Word, he declared, that his whole intent in promising that Coat, was Charity to Trim; but Wrong to no Man; that was a Reserve, he said, made in all Cases of this Kind:--and he declared solemnly, in Verbo Sacerdotis, That this was his Meaning, and was so understood by Trim himself."
With the Weight of this Truth, and the great good Sense and strong Reason which accompanied all the Parson said upon the Subject,--poor Trim was driven to his last Shift,--and begg'd he might be suffered to plead his Right and Title to the Watch-Coat, if not by Promise, at least by Services.--It was well known how much he was entitled to it upon these Scores: That he had black'd the Parson's Shoes without Count, and greased his Boots above fifty Times:--That he had run for Eggs into the Town upon all Occasions;--whetted the Knives at all Hours;--catched his Horse and rubbed him down:--That for his Wife she had been ready upon all Occasions to charr for them;--and neither he nor she, to the best of his Remembrance, ever took a Farthing, or any thing beyond a Mug of Ale.--To this Account of his Services he begg'd Leave to add those of his Wishes, which, he said, had been equally great.--He affirmed, and was ready, he said, to make it appear, by Numbers of Witnesses, "He had drank his Reverence's Health a thousand Times, (by the bye, he did not add out of the Parson's own Ale): That he not only drank his Health, but wish'd it; and never came to the House, but ask'd his Man kindly how he did; that in particular, about half a Year ago, when his Reverence cut his Finger in paring an Apple, he went half a Mile to ask a cunning Woman, what was good to stanch Blood, and actually returned with a Cobweb in his Breeches Pocket:--Nay, says Trim, it was not a Fortnight ago, when your Reverence took that violent Purge, that I went to the far End of the whole Town to borrow you a Close-stool,--and came back, as my Neighbours, who flouted me, will all bear witness, with the Pan upon my Head, and never thought it too much."
Trim concluded his pathetick Remonstrance with saying, "He hoped his Reverence's Heart would not suffer him to requite so many faithful Services by so unkind a Return:--That if it was so, as he was the first, so he hoped he should be the last, Example of a Man of his Condition so treated."--This Plan of Trim's Defence, which Trim had put himself upon,--could admit of no other Reply but a general Smile.
Upon the whole, let me inform you, That all that could be said, pro and con, on both Sides,