A Parody Outline of History | Page 5

a doubtful wood, and viewed many things not salutary to
notice. And there came to him one who was as perversely tall as a
certain unmentionable object and bearded in a manner it is not
convenient to describe.
But Colombo set about that which the stranger said was necessary and
when he had finished he drank the contents of the curious skull as had
been foretold on a certain All-Saints day. Then it was that the stranger
spoke.
"Whom are you", said he, "to be thus wandering in the very
unspeakable forest of the very unnamable sorcerer Thyrston?"
Said Colombo, "I have heard of this Thyrston. And while I do not

criticize, yet I cannot entirely agree with your improper use of the
pronoun WHOM, and oh my dear sir", said Colombo, "those two
VERYS would surely--oh, most surely--be mentioned in 'The Conning
Tower'."
"Eh!" said Thyrston, frowning.
"I allude", said Colombo, "to the scribbling of a certain Adams with
whom you are doubtless familiar, and of course, my dear Thyrston",
said Colombo, "I spoke only jestingly, for I am Cristofer Colombo
whom men call the Dreamer, and I go in search of the land of my
imagining and it is truly a pleasure to meet the greatest sorcerer since
Ckellyr, and how", said Colombo, "is dear Mrs. Thyrston?"
Then Thyrston showed Colombo what was written on the insecure
parchment. It frightened Colombo a little, but he assented. And when
the sorcerer had borrowed a silk hat and a gold watch he caused the
skies to darken and Colombo saw that which men refuse to believe.
"But, oh, now really sir", said Colombo, "that is indeed extremely
clever and I do wish that the children were here to see it and would you
mind, my dear Thyrston", said Colombo, "doing that egg trick again?"
Then Thyrston showed Colombo that he had nothing up either sleeve
and after an interval he consented to teach Colombo the secret of his
conjuring.
"Why now to be sure", said Colombo, after he had thoroughly mastered
the trick, "that is indeed quite simple and I am sorry I broke those four
eggs by mistake in your silk hat, and while I do not wish to appear
oversensitive, do you not think, my dear Thyrston", said Colombo,
"that the trick would go just as well without those abominable jokes
about married life?"
"My dear sir", said Thyrston, "those jokes have been used by every
conjurer since Merlin, and while perhaps without them your trick
would work, yet I have never heard of it being done and I have found",
said Thyrston, "that in sorcery the best results are obtained by doing the

customary thing."
"Which only goes to show", said Colombo, "that sorcery is somewhat
akin to business, and now that I think of it", said Colombo, "I believe
that the term wizard of industry is perhaps not entirely a misnomer."
Thus it was that Colombo took leave of Thyrston, and the tale tells how
on Walburga's Eve he came to the court of King Ferdinand and Queen
Isabel. And as he entered one met him who was not unpleasing to the
eye, and she was weeping. And, as it was somewhat dark, Colombo
decided to comfort her.
"Now, do you tell me, my dear", said Colombo, after an interval, "why
it is you weep, for I am Colombo whom men call the Dreamer, and I go
in search of the land of my imagining, and I think", said Colombo, "that
you have most remarkably lovely eyes."
"Oh messire", said the lady, "I weep because it is this evening that I am
to entertain the ladies of our Progress Literary Club, and Donna
Margarita whom men call the Spanish Omelet, but who really, messire,
has a lovely voice, was going to sing 'The Rosary' and now she has a
cold and cannot sing, and King Ferdinand is coming, and oh, messire,
what", said the lady, "shall I do?"
"Why now, truly", said Colombo, "in Genoa it was the judgment of all
the really musically intelligent ladies, except perhaps my wife, that I
sang not an unpleasing baritone, and while I do not know the song to
which you refer, yet I have devoted most of my life to the composition
of a poem concerning the land of my imagining which might well be
sung and besides that", said Colombo, "I can do a most remarkable egg
trick."
So it was that Colombo became for a short time not undeservedly the
life of the Progress Literary Club party. And the tale tells how, after a
paper by Donna Violet Balboa on "Spanish Architecture--Then and
Now", Colombo sang to them the song of the land of Colombo's
imagining. And poignantly beautiful was the song, for in it was the
beauty