A Minniature ov Inglish Orthoggraphy | Page 8

indeed by evvery oddher
propper aincient and moddern, can be no novvelty to' anny crittic ov
litterary natturalizement; hoo must onnor at wonce dhe, hware possibel,
prezerved ennergy ov orrigin; and dhe inviolate prezzervacion ov
Inglish anallogy; in dhe unchainged compannions ov Euphrates,
Darius, Heraclitus, Berea, Thalia, and dhe rest; az wel az in dhe
irreffragabel buties ov Horrace, Terrence, Cezar, Ciscero, Senneca,
Soccrates, Democcritus, Empeddocles, Heroddotus, no les dhan ov Jon,
Phillip, Robbert, Parris, widh Hellen, Elizzabeth, and dheir oddher
Anglicized frends.
* * * * *
15. DHE FUNDAMENTAL PRINCIPEL OV ORTHOGGRAPHY.
Such iz dhe system ov INGLISH ORTHOGGRAPHY, braught widhin
dhe compas ov a few pages, on dhe unfailing principel, hwich aught to'
govvern evvery plan ov litterary improovment: first, to' make no
chainge dhat can rascionally be avoided; and dhen to' make precisely
evvery variacion, from vulgar practice, dhat can be demonstrated
indispensabel. Nor iz dhis aught else dhan a completed minniature ov
INGLISH PROPRIETY _ascertained in her picture_: two
quarto-vollumes graciously received by hiz prezzent Brittish Madjesty,

from dhe same umbel hands; at St. Jameses, in 1786.
DHE END.
* * * * *
THE ORTHOGRAPHIC RIDDLE.
PREFACE.
These emanations of the British Muse, Where English thoughts could
English dress refuse, Were once presented to another press, Though
thence borne back, as hopeless of success. What honest critic e'er could
credit eligible, Riddles to his researches unintelligible? When ready
caution guards the lit'rate realm, Never shall foreign floods these isles
o'erwhelm: Orthography the mother-tongue shall give, Ever, as every
where, with Truth to live; Truth, Reason, Beauty shall o'erspread the
nation; Shall solve the RIDDLE, with one contemplation.
The public monitor of truth, Sworn enemy to what's uncouth, With
blockheads similarly spells, (Orthography with pleasure tells) That thus
the force of ridicule Should laugh the learned back to school. What then
should cause that laughter strange? What should occasion gen'ral
change?
Orthography the answer gives, To satisfy whoever lives. The honest
will confess the pity, Court, country, citadel with city; That ancients,
with the giddy young, Should study still the Latin tongue; Should leave
to levity, to dolour, The unproficient English scholar; Should give the
very stranger dread, Of gibberish, that ne'er was read; That ne'er was
heard, without derision, Eschewing ocular revision.
This one example well will prove, Will lib'ral laughter doubtless move:
When Pedantry shall cease to swell, Honour'd Humility will spell. The
beauty then, of British truth, Resistless shall enamour youth; Shall
evidence th' asseveration, Throughout th' etymologic nation; That one
poetic exhibition Could, without lit'ral intuition, Fill ev'ry literary
article, Though never spell one single particle: Could faithfully the

whole present, Without[5] once shad'wing what were meant.
* * * * *
DHE SOLUCION OV DHE ORTHOGRAPPHIC RIDDEL.
PREFFACE.
Dheze emmanacions ov dhe Brittish Muze, Hware Inglish thaughts
cood Inglish dres refuze, Wer wonce prezented to' anoddher pres, Dho
dhence bor'n bac az hopeles ov succes. Hwat onnest crittic ehr cood
creddit elligibel, Riddels to' hiz reserches unintelligibel? Hwen steddy
caucion gards dhe litt'rate relm, Nevver shal forrain fluds dheze iles
o'rhwelm: Orthoggraphy dhe moddher-tung shal guiv, Evver, az
evv'rihware, widh Truith to' liv; Truith, Rezon, Buty shal o'rspred dhe
nacion; Shal solv dhe RIDDEL, widh won contemplacion.
Dhe pubblic monnitor ov truith, Swor'n ennemy to' hwat'z uncooth,
Widh blockheds simmilarly spels, (Orthoggraphy widh plezzure tels)
Dhat dhus dhe foarce ov riddicule Shood laf dhe lerned bac to' scool.
Hwat dhen shood cauz dhat lafter strainge? Hwat shood occazion
genn'ral chainge?
Orthoggraphy dhe anser guivs, To' sattisfy hooevver livs. Dhe onnest
wil confes dhe pitty, Coart, contry, cittadel widh citty; Dhat aincients,
widh dhe guiddy yong, Shood studdy stil dhe Lattin tung; Shood leve
to' levvity, to' dollor, Dhe unprofiscient Inglish scollar; Shood guiv dhe
verry strainger dred, Ov guibberish, dhat nehr waz red; Dhat nehr waz
herd widhout derizzion, Eskewing occular revizzion.
Dhis won exampel wel wil proov, Wil libb'ral lafter doutles moov:
Hwen Peddantry shal cese to' swel, Onnor'd Humillity wil spel. Dhe
buty dhen, ov Brittish truith, Rezistles shal enammor yooth; Shal
evvidence dh' assevveracion, Thro'out dh' etymmolodgic nacion; Dhat
won poettic exhibiscion Cood, widhout litt'ral intuiscion, Fil evv'ry
litterary artikel, Dho nevver spel won singuel partikel: Cood faithfoolly
dhe hoal prezent, Widhout[6] wonce shadd'wing hwat wer ment.

* * * * *
NOTES
[1] If not vulgarized from batteller.
[2] Ov mow dhe vowel and servile coalesce, (az in sow,) into' a
dipthong, in dhe compound noun _barley-mow_.
[3] From dhe old barbarous French _isle_[4], faulte, voulte, recepte,
debte, _doubte_; parfaict, _vraidict_: now duly _île_, faute, voute,
recette, dette, doute, parfait, and vraidit from _verè dictum_.
[4] Inglish propriety, and indeed common-sense, must also protest
against two' late _misnomers: Th'isleworth_ for _Thistelworth_; and
dhe forrain affectacion ov _St. Mary la bonne_ (or even _borne_) for
Marribone.
[5] Without one particle,