A Lecture On Heads | Page 5

this kingdom abounds, some are called generous fellows, some honest fellows, and some devilish clever fellows. Now the generous fellow is treat-master; the honest fellow is toast-master; and the devilish clever fellow he is singing-master, who is to keep the company alive for four or five hours; then your honest fellow is to drink them all dead afterwards. They married into Folly's family, from whom they received this crest, and which nobody chooses to be known by. [ Takes up the fool's cap.]
{14}This Fool's Cap is the greatest wanderer known; it never comes home to any body, and is often observed to belong to every body but themselves. It is odd, but the word nobody, and the term nothing, although no certain ideas can be affixed to them, are often made such use of in conversation. Philosophers have declared they knew nothing, and it is common for us to talk about doing nothing; for, from ten to twenty we go to school to be taught what from twenty to thirty we are very apt to forget; from thirty to forty we begin to settle; from forty to fifty we think away as fast as we can; from fifty to sixty we are very careful in our accounts; and from sixty to seventy we cast up what all our thinking comes to; and then, {15}what between our losses and our gains, our enjoyments and our inquietudes, even with the addition of old age, we can but strike this balance [Takes the board with cyphers]--These are a number of nothings, they are hieroglyphics of part of human kind; for in life, as well as in arithmetic, there are a number of nothings, which, like these cyphers, mean nothing in themselves, and are totally insignificant; but, by the addition of a single figure at their head, they assume rank and value in an instant. The meaning of which is, that nothing may be turned into something by the single power of any one who is lord of a golden manor. [Turns the board, shews the golden one.] But, as these persons' gains come from nothing, we may suppose they will come to nothing; and happy are they who, amidst the variations of nothing, have nothing to fear: if they have nothing to lose, they have nothing to lament; and, if they have done nothing to be ashamed of, they have every thing to hope for. Thus concludes the dissertation upon nothing, which the exhibitor hopes he has properly executed, by making nothing of it.
{16}This is the head of a London Blood, taken from the life. [Holds the head up.] He wears a bull's forehead for a fore-top, in commemoration of that great blood of antiquity, called Jupiter, who turned himself into a bull to run away with Europa: and to this day bloods are very fond of making beasts of themselves. He imagined that all mirth consisted in doing mischief, therefore he would throw a waiter out of the window, and bid him to be put into the reckoning, toss a beggar in a blanket, play at chuck with china plates, run his head against a wall, hop upon one leg for an hour together, carry a red-hot poker round the room between his teeth, and say, "done first for fifty."
{17}He was quite the thing, either for kicking up a riot, or keeping it up after he had kicked it up: he was quite the thing, for one day he kicked an old woman's codlin-kettle about the streets: another time he shoved a blind horse into a china shop--that was damned jolly: he was a constant customer to the round house: a terror to modest women, and a dupe to the women of the town; of which this is exhibited as a portrait. [ Take the head.] This is the head of a Man of the Town, or a Blood; and this of a Woman of the Town, or a ------; but whatever other title the lady may have, we are not entitled to take notice of it; all that we can say is, that we beg Mirth will spare one {18}moment to Pity; let not delicacy be offended if we pay a short tribute of compassion to these unhappy examples of misconduct; indeed, in the gay seasons of irregular festivity, indiscretion appears thus--[takes off that, shews the other:] but there is her certain catastrophe; how much therefore ought common opinion to be despised, which supposes the same fact, that betrays female honour, can add to that of a gentleman's. When a beauty is robbed, the hue and cry which is raised, is never raised in her favour; deceived by ingratitude, necessity forces her to continue criminal, she is ruined by our sex, and prevented reformation by the reproaches of her own. [Takes