A House to Let, et al | Page 4

He entered my service, far away from England.
He is the best of creatures, and the most respectable of men; but,
opinionated.
"What you want, ma'am," says Trottle, making up the fire in his quiet
and skilful way, "is Tone."
"Lard forgive you both!" says I, bursting out a-laughing; "I see you are
in a conspiracy against me, so I suppose you must do what you like
with me, and take me to London for a change."
For some weeks Towers had hinted at London, and consequently I was
prepared for him. When we had got to this point, we got on so
expeditiously, that Trottle was packed off to London next day but one,
to find some sort of place for me to lay my troublesome old head in.
Trottle came back to me at the Wells after two days' absence, with
accounts of a charming place that could be taken for six months certain,
with liberty to renew on the same terms for another six, and which

really did afford every accommodation that I wanted.
"Could you really find no fault at all in the rooms, Trottle?" I asked
him.
"Not a single one, ma'am. They are exactly suitable to you. There is not
a fault in them. There is but one fault outside of them."
"And what's that?"
"They are opposite a House to Let."
"O!" I said, considering of it. "But is that such a very great objection?"
"I think it my duty to mention it, ma'am. It is a dull object to look at.
Otherwise, I was so greatly pleased with the lodging that I should have
closed with the terms at once, as I had your authority to do."
Trottle thinking so highly of the place, in my interest, I wished not to
disappoint him. Consequently I said:
"The empty House may let, perhaps."
"O, dear no, ma'am," said Trottle, shaking his head with decision; "it
won't let. It never does let, ma'am."
"Mercy me! Why not?"
"Nobody knows, ma'am. All I have to mention is, ma'am, that the
House won't let!"
"How long has this unfortunate House been to let, in the name of
Fortune?" said I.
"Ever so long," said Trottle. "Years."
"Is it in ruins?"
"It's a good deal out of repair, ma'am, but it's not in ruins."
The long and the short of this business was, that next day I had a pair of
post-horses put to my chariot--for, I never travel by railway: not that I
have anything to say against railways, except that they came in when I
was too old to take to them; and that they made ducks and drakes of a
few turnpike-bonds I had--and so I went up myself, with Trottle in the
rumble, to look at the inside of this same lodging, and at the outside of
this same House.
As I say, I went and saw for myself. The lodging was perfect. That, I
was sure it would be; because Trottle is the best judge of comfort I
know. The empty house was an eyesore; and that I was sure it would be
too, for the same reason. However, setting the one thing against the
other, the good against the bad, the lodging very soon got the victory
over the House. My lawyer, Mr. Squares, of Crown Office Row;

Temple, drew up an agreement; which his young man jabbered over so
dreadfully when he read it to me, that I didn't understand one word of it
except my own name; and hardly that, and I signed it, and the other
party signed it, and, in three weeks' time, I moved my old bones, bag
and baggage, up to London.
For the first month or so, I arranged to leave Trottle at the Wells. I
made this arrangement, not only because there was a good deal to take
care of in the way of my school-children and pensioners, and also of a
new stove in the hall to air the house in my absence, which appeared to
me calculated to blow up and burst; but, likewise because I suspect
Trottle (though the steadiest of men, and a widower between sixty and
seventy) to be what I call rather a Philanderer. I mean, that when any
friend comes down to see me and brings a maid, Trottle is always
remarkably ready to show that maid the Wells of an evening; and that I
have more than once noticed the shadow of his arm, outside the room
door nearly opposite my chair, encircling that maid's waist on the
landing, like a table-cloth brush.
Therefore, I thought it just as well, before any London Philandering
took place, that I should have a little time to look round me, and to see
what girls were in and about the