A Defective Santa Claus

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Title: A Defective Santa Claus
Author: James Whitcomb Riley
Illustrator: C. M. Relyea and Will Vawter
Release Date: December 25, 2006 [EBook #20181]
Language: English
Character set encoding: ASCII
? START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A DEFECTIVE SANTA CLAUS ***
Produced by Juliet Sutherland, David Garcia and the Online?Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
[Illustration]
A Defective Santa Claus
[Illustration]
A Defective Santa Claus
JAMES WHITCOMB RILEY
_With Pictures by_
C. M. RELYEA
_and_
WILL VAWTER
INDIANAPOLIS?THE BOBBS-MERRILL COMPANY?PUBLISHERS
Copyright 1904?James Whitcomb Riley

December
PRESS OF?BRAUNWORTH & CO.?BOOKBINDERS AND PRINTERS?BROOKLYN, N. Y.
_DEDICATION_
_To_
HEWITT HANSON HOWLAND
WITH HALEST CHRISTMAS GREETINGS?AND FRATERNAL
_Little Boy! Halloo!--halloo!?Can't you hear me calling you?--?Little Boy that used to be,?Come in here and play with me._
A Defective Santa Claus
[Illustration]
A Defective Santa Claus
Allus when our Pa he's away?Nen Uncle Sidney comes to stay?At our house here--so Ma an' me?An' Etty an' Lee-Bob won't be?Afeard ef anything at night?Might happen--like Ma says it might.
(Ef _Trip_ wuz _big_, I bet you he?'Uz best watch-dog you ever see!)?An' so last winter--ist before?It's go' be Chris'mus-Day,--w'y, shore?Enough, Pa had to haf to go?To 'tend a lawsuit--"An' the snow?Ist right fer Santy Claus!" Pa said,?As he clumb in old Ayersuz' sled,?An' said he's sorry _he_ can't be?With us that night--"'Cause," he-says-ee,?"Old Santy _might_ be comin' here--?This very night of all the year
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[Illustration]
_I'_ got to be away!--so all?You kids must tell him--ef he call--?He's mighty welcome, an' yer Pa?He left his love with you an' Ma
An' Uncle Sid!" An' clucked, an' leant?Back, laughin'--an' away they went!?An' Uncle wave' his hands an' yells?"Yer old horse ort to have on bells!"?But Pa yell back an' laugh an' say?"I 'spect when _Santy_ come this way?It's time enough fer sleighbells nen!"?An' holler back "Good-by!" again,?An' reach out with the driver's whip?An' cut behind an' drive back Trip.
An' so all day it snowed an' snowed!?An' Lee-Bob he ist watched the road,
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[Illustration]
In his high-chair; an' Etty she?U'd play with Uncle Sid an' me--?Like she wuz he'ppin' fetch in wood?An' keepin' old fire goin' good,
Where Ma she wuz a-cookin' there?An' kitchen, too, an' ever'where!?An' Uncle say, "'At's ist the way?Yer Ma's b'en workin', night an' day,?Sence she hain't big as Etty is?Er Lee-Bob in that chair o' his!"?Nen Ma she'd laugh 't what Uncle said,?An' smack an' smoove his old bald head?An' say "Clear out the way till I?Can keep that pot from b'ilin' dry!"?Nen Uncle, when she's gone back to?The kitchen, says, "We _ust_ to do
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[Illustration]
Some cookin' in the _ashes_.--_Say_,?S'posin' we try some, thataway!"?An' nen he send us to tell Ma?Send two big 'taters in he saw
Pa's b'en a-keepin' 'cause they got?The premiun at the Fair. An' what?You think?--He rake a grea'-big hole?In the hot ashes, an' he roll?Them old big 'taters in the place?An' rake the coals back--an' his face?Ist swettin' so's he purt'-nigh swear?'Cause it's so hot! An' when they're there?'Bout time 'at we fergit 'em, he?Ist rake 'em out again--an' _gee_!--?He bu'st 'em with his fist wite on?A' old stove-led, while Etty's gone
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[Illustration]
To git the salt, an' butter, too--?Ist like he said she haf to do,?No matter what _Ma_ say! An' so?He salt an' butter 'em, an' blow
'Em cool enough fer us to eat--?An' _me_-o-_my_! they're hard to beat!?An' Trip 'ud ist lay there an' pant?Like he'd laugh _out loud_, but he can't.?Nen Uncle fill his pipe--an' we?'Ud he'p him light it--Sis an' me,--?But mostly little Lee-Bob, 'cause?"He's the best _Lighter_ ever wuz!"?Like Uncle telled him wunst when LeeBob?cried an' jerked the light from me,?He wuz so mad! So Uncle pat?An' pet him. (Lee-Bob's ust to that--
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[Illustration]
'Cause he's the _little_-est, you know,?An' allus has b'en humored so!)?Nen Uncle gits the flat-arn out,?An', while he's tellin' us all 'bout
Old Chris'mus-times when _he's_ a kid,?He ist cracked hickernuts, he did,?Till they's a crockful, mighty nigh!?An' when they're all done by an' by,?He raked the red coals out again?An' telled me, "Fetch that popcorn in,?An' old three-leggud skillut--an'?The _led_ an' all now, little man,--?An' yer old Uncle here 'ull show?You how corn's popped, long years ago?When me an' Santy Claus wuz boys?On Pap's old place in Illinoise!--
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[Illustration]
An' your Pa, too, wuz chums, all through,?With Santy!--Wisht Pa'd be here, too!"?Nen Uncle sigh at Ma, an' she?Pat him again, an' say to me
An' Etty,--"You take warning fair!--?Don't talk too much, like Uncle there,?Ner don't fergit, like _him_, my dears,?That 'little pitchers has big ears!'"?But Uncle say to her, "Clear out!--?Yer brother knows what he's about.--?_You_ git your Chris'mus-cookin' done?Er these pore childern won't have none!"?Nen Trip wake up an' raise, an' nen?Turn roun' an' nen lay down again.?An' one time Uncle Sidney say,--?"When dogs is sleepin' thataway,
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[Illustration]
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