A Defective Santa Claus | Page 2

talk too much, like Uncle
there,
Ner don't fergit, like _him_, my dears,
That 'little pitchers has
big ears!'"
But Uncle say to her, "Clear out!--
Yer brother knows
what he's about.--
_You_ git your Chris'mus-cookin' done
Er these
pore childern won't have none!"
Nen Trip wake up an' raise, an' nen

Turn roun' an' nen lay down again.
An' one time Uncle Sidney
say,--
"When dogs is sleepin' thataway,
[Illustration]
[Illustration]
Like Trip, an' _whimpers_, it's a sign
He'll ketch _eight_

rabbits--mayby _nine_--
Afore his fleas'll wake him--nen
He'll bite
hisse'f to sleep again
An _try_ to dream he's go' ketch _ten_."
An' when Ma's gone again
back in
The kitchen, Uncle scratch his chin
An' say, "When Santy
Claus an' Pa
An' me wuz little boys--an' Ma,
When she's 'bout big
as Etty there;--
W'y,--'When we're _growed_--no matter _where_,'

Santy he cross' his heart an' say,--
'I'll come to see you, all, some day

When _you'_ got childerns--all but me
An' pore old Sid!'" Nen
Uncle he
Ist kindo' shade his eyes an' pour'
[Illustration]
[Illustration]
'Bout forty-'leven bushels more
O' popcorn out the skillut there
In
Ma's new basket on the chair.
An' nen he telled us--an' talk' low,
"So Ma can't hear," he say:--"You know
Yer _Pa_ know', when he
drived away,
Tomorry's go' be Chris'mus-_Day_;--
Well, nen
_tonight_," he whisper, "see?--
It's go' be Chris'mus-_Eve_," says-ee,

"An', like yer Pa hint, when he went,
Old Santy Claus (now hush!)
he's sent
Yer Pa a postul-card, an' write
He's shorely go' be here
tonight....
That's why yer Pa's so bored to be
_Away_ tonight, when
Santy he
Is go' be here, sleighbells an' all,
[Illustration]
[Illustration]
To make you kids a Chris'mus-call!"
An' we're so glad to know _fer
shore_
He's comin', I roll on the floor--
An' here come Trip
a-waller'n' roun'
An' purt'-nigh knock the clo'eshorse down!--
An' Etty grab Lee-Bob
an' prance
All roun' the room like it's a dance--
Till Ma she come

an' march us nen
To dinner, where we're _still_ again,
But _tickled_
so we ist can't eat
But pie, an' ist the hot mincemeat
With raisins
in.--But _Uncle_ et,
An' _Ma_. An' there they set an' set
Till
purt'-nigh supper-time; nen we
Tell him he's got to fix the Tree

'Fore _Santy_ gits here, like he said.
[Illustration]
[Illustration]
We go nen to the old woodshed--
All bundled up, through the deep
snow--
"An' snowin' yet, _jee-rooshy-O_!"
Uncle he said, an' he'p
us wade
Back where's the Chris'mus-Tree he's made
Out of a little jackoak-top

He git down at the sawmill-shop--
An' Trip 'ud run ahead, you
know,
An' 'tend-like he 'uz _eatin'_ snow--
When we all waddle
back with it;
An' Uncle set it up--an' git
It wite in front the
fireplace--'cause
He says "'Tain't _so_ 'at Santy Claus
Comes down
_all_ chimblies,--least, tonight
He's comin' in _this_ house all right--

By the front-door, as ort to be!--
[Illustration]
[Illustration]
We'll all be hid where we can _see_!"
Nen he look up, an' he see Ma

An' say, "It's ist too bad their _Pa_
Can't be here, so's to see the fun
The childern _will_ have, ever' one!"
Well, _we_!--We hardly
couldn't wait
Till it wuz dusk, an' dark an' late
Enough to light the
lamp!--An' LeeBob
light a candle on the Tree--
"Ist _one_--'cause
I'm 'The Lighter'!"--Nen
He clumb on Uncle's knee again
An' hug
us _bofe_;--an' Etty git
Her little chist an' set on it
Wite clos't, while
Uncle telled some more
'Bout Santy Claus, an' clo'es he wore
"_All

maked o' furs, an' trimmed as white_
[Illustration]
[Illustration]
_As cotton is, er snow at night_!"
An' nen, all sudden-like, he say,--

"_Hush! Listen there! Hain't that a sleigh
An' sleighbells jinglin'_?"
Trip go "_whooh_!"
Like _he_ hear bells an' _smell_ 'em, too.
Nen we all listen.... An'-sir,
shore
Enough, we hear bells--more an' more
A-jinglin'
clos'ter--clos'ter still
Down the old crook-road roun' the hill.
An'
Uncle he jumps up, an' all
The chairs he jerks back by the wall
An'
th'ows a' overcoat an' pair
O' winder-curtains over there
An' says,
"_Hide quick, er you're too late!--
Them bells is stoppin' at the gate!--

Git back o' them-'air chairs an' hide_,
[Illustration]
[Illustration]
_'Cause I hear Santy's voice outside_!"
An' _Bang! bang! bang!_ we
heerd the door--
Nen it flewed open, an' the floor
Blowed full o'
snow--that's _first_ we saw,
Till little Lee-Bob shriek' at Ma
"_There's Santy Claus!--I know him
by
His big white mufftash!_"--an' ist cry
An' laugh an' _squeal_ an'
dance an' _yell_--
Till, when he quiet down a spell,
Old Santy bow
an' th'ow a kiss
To him--an' one to me an' Sis--
An' nen go _clos't_
to Ma an' stoop
An' kiss her--An' nen give a whoop
That _fainted_
her!--'Cause when he bent
An' kiss her, he ist backed an' went
Wite
'ginst the Chris'mus-Tree ist where
[Illustration]

[Illustration]
The candle's at Lee-Bob lit there!--
An' set his white-fur belt afire--

An' blaze streaked roun' his waist an' higher
Wite up his old white
beard an' th'oat!--
Nen Uncle grabs th' old overcoat
An' flops it over Santy's head,
An'
swing the door wide back an' said,
"Come out, old man!--an' _quick_
about
It!--I've ist _got_ to put you out!"
An' out he sprawled him in
the snow--
"Now _roll_!" he says--"_Hi-roll-ee-O_!"--
An' Santy,
sputter'n' "_Ouch! Gee-whiz!_"
Ist roll an' roll fer all they is!
An'
Trip he's out there, too,--I know,
'Cause I could hear him yappin' so--

An' I heerd Santy, wunst er