A Christmas Story | Page 3

the form of a written contract,
though no lawyer; for fear, as I told her, she would violate the premises.
As well as I can remember, for it was many years ago--it ran as

follows:
'This agreement made this 24th November, 1853, between Mary
Walters of the city, county and state of New York, being party of the
first part, and William d'Aubrey of the said city, county and state of
New York, party of the second part, witnesseth as follows: Said party
of the first part agrees, covenants and binds herself, heirs and
assinines--I mean assigns--to surrender, demise and make over all
claim, right and title to housekeeping, and all matters pertaining to the
welfare of household economy, whether trivial or special, to the party
of the second part; moreover delivering up all accounts, keys and
inventory of stores now on hand, and all claim, right or title to the
management of each and every person living, or about to live in
premises known as 'Villa Felice,' situated at the outskirts of the city of
---- in the State of ----, for the period of three months. Now, in
consideration of this obligation on the party of the first part, the party
of the second part covenants, agrees and binds himself, his heirs and
assinines--I mean assigns--to act conscientiously for the benefit of all
the inhabitants of said 'Villa Felice,' whether male or female;--and
moreover pledges himself never by word or deed to consult, ask
questions of, molest by interrogated words, or lead on by indirect
remarks, the party of the first part; to impart, give over or yield up, any
information on or concerning the subject or principle of
housekeeping--(this last clause my sister insisted on in a most
impressive manner--so I added the following,) and it is distinctly
understood, comprehended by, and agreed to between both parties, that
the party of the first part interferes with, molests, makes the subject of
remark, indirectly or directly, impugns or maligns, the party of the
second party in the pursuit of lawful proceedings neither by appeal, nor
by entreaty, nor by satire, irony, libel, gossip, hinted evidence or such
other expressions of mental feeling which are unseemly and tend to
weaken man's power or involve in confusion a settled purpose. Said
agreement to take effect at once on the signing of this contract,' made in
duplicate.
Signed, sealed and delivered the afore-written day, month and year, in
the presence of Witness, MARY WALTERS, [seal.] WILLIAM

D'AUBREY, [seal.]
We both signed, and then remembered a witness was necessary. 'I will
call Thomas,' said Mary. 'He won't know what we have written.' I
bowed with a legal stiffness, and waited. She rang--no response.
She rang again. A loud laughter in the kitchen caused her to say, as
usual, 'Oh! they cannot hear the bell,' and she tripped off lightly and
called 'Susan! Susan! Susan!' 'and but the booming roars replied and
fast the talk rolled on.' 'Susan,' said she, gently, over the bannisters.
'Susan is out, marm,' said a granite voice from the second story.
'Don't speak so loud, marm. Johnny has just gone to sleep, and I've had
such trouble with him all the evening; he must have caught cold going
to dancing school. You know, marm I begged you not to send him.
'Mrs. Phillips,' whispered Mary, in a crushed voice, 'where has Susan
gone?'
'She went to her sister's, marm. Her child is very ill with the small pox,
and she said she knew, if you knew he might die, that you would let her
go and sit up with him this last night, poor, dear soul, bless his heart!'
Oh, how I chuckled!
'Why, Mrs. Phillips, just come down stairs, please; I want to speak to
you.--Come into the library, only Mr. D'Aubrey is here.'
(Humph! ONLY Mr. D'Aubrey!--'Oh, for to-morrow!')
Enter Mrs. Phillips, one of those fat, pylygastric nurses, who divide the
twenty-four hours into four days, so as to have three meals to each of
their diurnal revolutions; whose digestive organs, if they could speak,
would strike for wages; whose eyes move but never look; their
atmosphere--what Germans might call expression--being that of
massive rest.
She slides into the room and immediately sits down, moving her eyes

up to her mistress with a patient and slightly suffering expression,
while the process of deglutition is slowly going on.
I seize a book, pamphlet, anything, hold it in front of my face, and bite
my segar in two.
'Did I understand you to say, Mrs. Phillips, that Susan had gone to sit
up with a small pox patient?'
'Her nephew, yes marm.'
'Oh, how very wrong in her--how--'
'I don't think so, marm.'
I ground my teeth.
'Why Mrs. Phillips?'
'The boy marm, may not be yours, but it is her