A Brief Memoir | Page 6

that?is passed, what can I say? I will lay my hand on?my mouth and acknowledge that it has been squandered.?Yes, so far as it has not been employed about?my Father's business. But, alas! it has been?crammed with selfishness; though now and then?He, whom I trust I yet desire to serve, has made me?sensibly feel how precious is every small dedication?to Himself.
6th Mo. 16th. The consideration of the peculiar?doctrines of Friends having been lately rather?forced on my attention, let me record my increased?conviction of the privilege of an education within?the borders of the Society; of the great value and?importance of its spiritual profession, and the awful?responsibility of its members to walk so as to adorn?its doctrines, and shine as lights in the world.
Warmly as she was attached to these principles, she ever rejoiced in the conviction that all the followers of Christ are one in Him, and that, by whatever name designated, those who have attained to the closest communion with Him are the nearest to one another; and when differences in sentiment were the topic of conversation, she would sometimes rejoin in an earnest tone, the "commandment is exceeding broad."
2d Mo. 2d, 1840. Time passes on, and what progress?do I make, either in usefulness in the earth,?or preparation for heaven? Self-indulgence is the?bane of godliness, and is, alas! mine.' This world's?goods are snares, and are, alas! snares to me.?Coward that my heart is, when pride is piqued, I?have not resolution to conquer my own spirit.?Pride, indolence, and worldly-mindedness are bringing?me into closer and closer bondage: the first?keeps me from true worship by preventing me from?seeking the help and teaching of the one Spirit;?the second, by making me yield without effort or?resistance to the uncontrolled imaginations which?the third presents. And now do these lines witness?that, having been called to an everlasting salvation,?God, the chief good, having manifested His name?unto the least of His little ones, my soul and body?are for Him, belong to Him, to be moulded and?fashioned according to His will; and that if I?frustrate His purpose, His glorious holiness and?free grace are unsullied and everlastingly worthy.
7th Mo. 12th. If I acknowledge my own state,?it is one cumbered with "many things." Alas!?amid them how little space is there for the love of?God! I have remembered the days when untold?and inexpressible experiences were mine; when a?child's tears and prayers were seen and heard before?the throne! The stragglings of grace and nature?have been great since then. I can look back to?years of struggles and deliverances, years of revoltings?and of mercies. It is like "threshing mountains"?to meddle with the strongholds of sin; but?mountains, I sometimes hope, will be made to "skip?like rams."
10th Mo. 5th. How long have I been like the?"merchantman seeking goodly pearls"! Ever since?reason dawned I have longed for a goodly pearl;?though dazzled and deceived by many an empty?trifle, I cannot plead as an excuse that I could not?find the pearl. I have seen it at times, and felt how?untold was the price, and thought I was ready to?sell all and buy it, sometimes believed that all was?sold; but why, ah, why was my pledge so often?redeemed? I have been indeed like a simple one,?who, having found a "pearl of great price," cast it?from him for an empty, unsatisfying show.
1st Mo. 17th, 1841. Very precious as have been?the privileges vouchsafed the last two days, I can?this morning speak of nothing as my present condition,?but the extreme of weakness and poverty. On?6th day evening R.B. addressed us in such a way?as proved to me that the Divine word is a discerner?of the thoughts and intents of the heart. The?chief purport was the necessity of a willingness to?learn daily of the great Teacher meekness and?lowliness and faithfulness in the occupation of the?talents intrusted; "for where much is given, much?will be required." Yesterday his parting "salutation?of brotherly love" was such as cannot be effaced?from my memory; and oh, I pray that it may not?from my heart. And now my prayer, my desire,?must be for a renewed dedication. The separation,?as R.B. said, from the right hand and the right eye?must be made: the sacrifice which is acceptable will?always cost something.
3d Mo. 8th. Oh, may I become altogether a babe?and a fool before myself, and, if it must be, before?others! God has been very graciously dealing with?me.
3d Mo. 19th. Words must be much more?guarded, as well as thoughts. This morning I am?comforted with a precious feeling: "I will take care?of thee."
3d Mo. 27th. How does my heart long, this?evening, that the one Saviour may be made unto?me "wisdom and righteousness, sanctification and?redemption!" Teach me to keep silence, O God!?to mind my own business and be faithful to it; to?deny my own will and wisdom; give me the spirit?of true Christian love, that my whole life may be in?the atmosphere of love!
3d Mo. 28th. * * *