A Brief Memoir | Page 5

not only through the?valley of humiliation, but also through the valley?of the shadow of death.
6th Mo. 11th. Many things have lately occurred?which have flattered my vanity. I have received?compliments and commendations: old Adam likes?these things, and persuades me that I am somebody,?and may well feel complacency. How needful is?watchfulness! may the true light discover to me the?snares that are set on every side.
7th Mo. 2d. May I be enabled to give myself up?as clay into the Potter's hand, without mixing up?any thing of my own contriving; and in the silence?of all flesh, wait to have the true seed watered and?nourished by heavenly dew.
8th Mo. 2d. I feel humbled at the sight of my?many backslidings and deficiencies. Oh, may He,?"who is touched with a feeling of our infirmities," in?just judgment, remember mercy. If He does not,?there can be no hope for me; but oh! I trust He?will. "Let not Thy hand spare, nor Thine eye pity,?till Thou hast made me what thou wouldst have me?to be."
8th Mo. 20th. Utterly unworthy! Oh, my?Father! if there be any right beginning, if there?be the least spark of good within me, carry it on:?oh, increase it, that I may become as a plant of thy?right hand planting, that I may become a sheep of?thy fold. Assist me to present myself before thee?in true silence, that I may wait upon thee in truth,?and worship thee in the silence of all flesh, and?know "all my treasure, all my springs, in Thee."
10th Mo. 13th. We have just been favored with?a visit from J.P., which has been to me a great?comfort. At our Monthly Meeting he addressed?the young; and it seemed as though he spoke the?very thoughts of my heart; and the sweet supplication?offered on their behalf that they might be?preserved from the snares of the delusive world,?may it be answered.
4th Mo. 15th, 1838. I want to give up every?thing, every thought, every affection, in short, my?whole self, to my offered Saviour. Then would His?kingdom come, and His will be done. Instead of?the thorn would come up the fir-tree, and instead?of the brier the myrtle-tree. How precious, how?holy, how peaceful, that kingdom! Oh! if I may?yet hope; if mercy is left, I beseech Thee, hear and?behold me, and bring me "out of the miry clay, and?set my feet upon the rock."
5th Mo. 26th, 1839. A beautiful First-day.?Every thing sweet and lovely; fulfilling the purpose?of its creation as far as man is not concerned. Birds?and insects formed for happiness, are now completely?happy. But ah! they were formed to give glory to?God, by testifying to man His goodness. Ten thousand?voices call upon me to employ the nobler?talents intrusted for the same purpose. Nearly?sixteen years have I been warned, and sweetly?called upon to awake out of sleep: "What meanest?thou, O sleeper? arise, and call upon thy God!"?How shall I account, in the last day, for these?things? It is often startling to think how time is?advancing, and how ill the day's work keeps pace?with the day. For even now, poor drowsy creature?that I am, it is but occasional sensibility, with the?intervals buried in vain dreams; and even at such?times, my poor warped affections, and busy imaginations,?crowded with a multitude of images, refuse to?yield to the command, "Be still, and know that I?am God." I have, indeed, found that in whatever?circumstances I may he placed, I can never be really?happy without the religion of the heart; without?making the Lord my habitation; and oh, may it be?mine, through Christ's humbling and sanctifying?operations, to know every corner of my heart made?fit for the dwelling-place of Him who is with the?meek and contrite ones. Then shall the remaining?days of my pilgrimage be occupied in the energetic?employment of those talents which must otherwise?rise up for my condemnation in the last day.
6th Mo. 2d. It is not for me to say any more?"thus far will I go, but no farther," either in the?narrow or the broad way. In the former, we cannot?refuse to proceed without receding; in the latter, if?we will take any steps, it is impossible to restrain?ourselves. Besetting sins, though apparently opposite?ones, sad stumbling-blocks in the way of the?cross, are unrestrained activity of thought and?indolence: the former proceeds from earthly-mindedness;?and the latter as a sure consequence from?the want of heavenly-mindedness. Oh that by?keeping very close to Jesus, my wandering heart?may receive the impression of His hand, that the?new creation may indeed be witnessed, wherein?Jerusalem is a rejoicing and her people a joy;?then may I find that quiet habitation which nothing?ever gave me out of the fold of Christ.
6th Mo. 9th. Alas! how shall I account for the?sixteen years which have, this day, completed?their course upon my head? What shall I render?unto the Lord for all his benefits? Shall I not,?from this time, cry unto Him, "My Father, thou?art the guide of my youth"? But, for the year