how to make anyone fall in love with you | Page 4

vigorous. For more than ten years,before becoming a communications consultant and trainer, I was director of a research group Ifounded called The Project.Page 5The Project was a New York City-based not-for-profit corporation established to explore sexualityand relationships. During my tenure with The Project, I interviewed and catalogued thousands ofsubjects on what they sought in a partner. I gathered information from the students at the dozens ofuniversities where I was invited to speak on my research.Like the work of researcher Ellen Berscheid, The Project experienced an unsought avalanche ofattention which brought it to national attention. A Time magazine reporter covered one of oursessions and wrote a full-page article declaring "Sex Fantasy Goes to Broadway," which, indeed, itdid.One arm of The Project had volunteers presenting psychodramatizations of their actual love fantasieson stage. Because there was no nudity and no explicit language, the squeaky-clean dramatizationswere unique and caught the attention of the three major television networks, which presented

excerpts of the vignettes on national programs. This, in turn, spawned dozens of articles in respectedmainstream publications in America and Europe.As a result, people from all over the world sent us their stories, their fantasies, their longings for love.They called or wrote to The Project detailing precisely what they sought in a romantic partner. Mostof the letters and calls we received were prefaced with comments like, "I've never told anyone but . .." The callers and writers then proceeded to divulge their deepest desires to the anonymous Project.We listened, gratefully, as we gathered data on what made, or would make, people fall in love.How the Techniques Were DevelopedLet us leave the world of sexuality for a moment. Come with me to my second discipline, the field ofcommunications. It is here I take the findings, and turn them into workable techniques to makesomeone fall in love with you.It has been proved beyond any doubt that there are ways to induce desired behavior from people. Ifthere were not, allPage 6psychologists and thousands of corporate trainers, myself included, would be out of business. Thereare established methods for invoking various emotions and for changing people's behavior. Forexample, we can learn how to deal with difficult people or how to make troublesome employeesrespond in the desired way.Feedback from seminars I have presented for government organizations, universities, professionalassociations, and corporations convinces me that we can indeed effect changes in behavior patterns.We accomplish this complex task by first understanding people's basic needs and motivations, thenby employing the right verbal and nonverbal skills to modify their behavior.That is what I do in this book. Drawing from the scientific studies, I reveal the basic needs andmotivations that make someone fall in love. Then I give you the right verbal and nonverbal skills toinduce the behavior you want—in this case, to make that person fall in love with you.This book is the result of many years of research and exploration into several disciplines:interpersonal relationships, human sexuality, communications skills, and gender differences. We notonly draw from scientific studies into the nature of love and from my personal research, but we alsobenefit from the work of modern therapists and communications analysts. I am especially grateful forthe work of sociolinguist Deborah Tannen5 and the clever Mars/Venus analogies of therapist JohnGray,6 who made it common knowledge that men and women have vastly different styles of thinkingand communicating.What is the recipe for making someone fall in love with you? Can it be reduced to a formula? Thefollowing sounds simple, but it is actually quite complicated.You start with a solid scientific base of what makes up interpersonal attraction. Then you gatherprofound information about your Quarry (the person you want to make fall in love with you). Next,

you employ sophisticated, often subliminal, communication techniques to meet his or her consciousand subconscious needs. Finally, you secure your Quarry with your spicy perception of preciselywhat he or she wants sexually.Page 7There you have it: the formula for making a Potential Love Partner fall in love with you.How I Tested the TechniquesI wasn't content with simply relying on research. I needed to see if these techniques would work inthe field. Several years ago, to test my theories, I created a seminar with the same title as this book,"How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You."Invitations flowed in from all over the country from colleges, singles' groups, clubs, and continuingeducation organizations. It is on this playing field that the material has been tested. And the feedbackfrom my students is, "Yes!" You can make someone fall in love with you.Is it a simple task? No.Does it require sacrifice? Yes.You may decide, after reading this book, that capturing his or her heart is simply not worth having togive that much of yourself. But if you do want to proceed, follow me. We will explore the skillsneeded to accomplish the task, to make the Potential Love Partner of your