Yorkshire Tales. Third Series | Page 4

arm in a twinklin, but it wornt quite as easy gettin up on th' thack agean, but he managed it, an after a deeal o' flutterin an squawkin, he teed it fast to tother end oth' string. But shovin it daan th' Chimney pot wor noa easy matter, for it wor a varry tight fit. Daan he went agean, as fast as he could, an as sooin as he gate into th' haase he began to pull.
My! but it wor a job! For a varry long time he couldn't stir it, but at last he felt it wor commin, an then th' sooit began to roll daan i' claads an he wor ommost smoored, but ther wor nowt for it but to keep poolin at it even if he wor burried under it.
It wor a varry unfortnat curcumstance at th' woman Mally had gooan to see should be away throo hooam, for it caused her to turn back, thinkin to hersen, at after all it wod happen be better for her to be at hooam to superintend things if Sammywell had getten a sweep,--an shoo just oppened th' door at th' same instant as th' cock flew into th' kitchen. Shoo couldn't see Sammywell, for th' place wor full o' sooit, but shoo could hear summat flyin raand, makkin a moast awful din, an pots an tins smashin abaat i' all directions.
Th' owd cock, seein th' door oppen, flew aght, catchin poor Mally fair ith' face wi' its wings as it passed, an sendin her onto her back ith' gutter, wi' her bonnet off, an her face blackened like a female christy minstrel!
Th' woman 'at lived opposite wor hingin aght some clooas, an th' cock tried to fly ovver 'em, but th' string bein fast to its legs, browt it daan fair i'th' middle on 'em, an what wi' th' din th' cock made, an th' skrikes shoo made--for shoo thowt for sewer it wor th' owd dule hissen--an Mally's grooans, it sooin browt aght Hepsabah an all th' naybors, an it worn't till a poleeceman coom at onnybody could tell what wor to do.
Ov coarse, th' furst thing th' poleeceman did wor to arrest Mally for bein drunk an disorderly, an ther's noa daat shoo lukt it; an then they all made a rush to th' haase, for th' sooit wor rollin aght oth' door as if th' place wor afire. Sittin on th' floor, ith' middle ov a cart looad o' sooit, wor a poor human crayter, coffin an spittin,--(an some sed, swearin,) an when he wor browt into th' dayleet, it wor Sammywell.
As sooin as he could get his breeath, he started to shak hissen,--when th' woman 'at belanged th' clooas hit him on th' heead wi a prop, an wod ha done moor but Mally interfered. When th' scare wor ovver, th' naybor wimmen did nowt but laff, an Sammywell and Mally went into th' haase an shut th' door.
"Whativver has ta been doing?" axt Mally.
"Aw've been sweepin th' chimley," sed Sammywell.
"An a bonny job tha's made on it. If tha can find onny sooap an watter onnywhear, goa and gie thisen a gooid swill an then change thi' clooas, an leeav me to tackle this mess. Aw dooant blame thee a bit moor nor aw blame misen, for knowin what a fooil tha art, and what a mullock tha allus maks ov ivverything tha offers to do, aw owt to ha had moor sense nor mention sich a thing to thi."
Sammywell thowt th' less he sed an th' better, an he went at once to do as he wor tell'd. He wor as anxious to get away as shoo wor to be shut on him, an as he wor gooin aght, Mally sed,--
"Whear are ta gooin an what are ta gooin to do?"
"Awm gooin to a funeral befoor tha sees me agean."
"Aw didn't know onnybody wor deead. Who's funeral will it be?"
"Parker's."

Hepsabah's Hat.
"Some fowk are nivver satisfied! Aw've noa patience wi' sich like! Th' moor some fowk have an th' moor they want. Ther wor noa sich stinkin pride when aw wor young; but young folk nah dooant know what ails em. When aw wor a lass it wor thowt to be quite enuff if one wor plainly an respectably donned, an if they had onny pride, it wor to know at ther underclooas wor cleean an sweet an fit to be seen, but nah it's all top finery an fluff they think abaat; but if they'd darn ther stockins an wesh ther shifts a bit ofter, asteead o' wantin to spooart new gaons an hats ivvery few days it ud seem em better. At onnyrate, them's my sentiments."
"Why, Mally lass, what's set thi off agean? Has somdy been sayin at tha doesn't darn thi