Yollop | Page 3

earnestly; "Smilk,--S-m-i-l-k."
"Smilk?"
"Smilk."
"Extraordinary name. I've never heard it before, have you?"
The rascal blinked. "Sure. It was my father's name before me, and
my--"
"Look me in the eye!"
"I am lookin' you in the eye. It's Smilk,--Cassius Smilk."
"Sounds convincing," admitted Mr. Yollop. "Nobody would take the
name of Cassius in vain, I am sure. As a sensible, discriminating thief,
you would not deliberately steal a name like Cassius, now would you?"
"Well, you see, they call me Cash for short," explained Smilk. "That's
something I can steal with a clear conscience."
"I perceive you are recovering your wits, Mr. Smilk. You appear to be a
most ingenuous rogue. Have you ever tried writing the book for a
musical comedy?"
"A--what?"
"A musical comedy. A forty-legged thing you see on Broadway."
Mr. Smilk pondered. "No, sir," he replied, allowing himself a prideful
leer; "if I do say it as shouldn't, I'm an honest thief."
"Bless my soul," cried Mr. Yollop delightedly; "you get brighter every
minute. Perhaps you have at one time or another conducted a humorous
column for a Metropolitan newspaper?"
"Well, I've done my share towards fillin' up the 'lost' column," said Mr.
Smilk modestly. "Say, if we're going to keep up this talkfest much
longer, I got to let my hands down. The blood's runnin' out of 'em.
What are you goin' to do with me? Keep me sittin' here till morning?"
"I'm glad you reminded me of it. I want to call the police."
"Well, I'm not hindering you, am I?"
"In a way, yes. How can I call them and keep an eye on you at the same
time?"
"I'll tell what I'll do," said Cassius Smilk obligingly. "I'll take a
message 'round to the police station for you."
"Ah! That gives me an idea. You shall telephone to the police for me. If
my memory serves me well, Spring 3100 is the number. Or is it Spring

3100 that calls out the fire department? It would be very awkward to
call out the fire department, wouldn't it? They'd probably come rushing
around here and drown both of us before they found out wer'd made a
mistake and really wanted the police."
"All you have to do is to say to Central: 'I want a policeman.'"
"Right you are. That's what the telephone book says. Still I believe
Spring 3100--"
"The simplest way to get the police," broke in the burglar, not without
hope, "is to fire five shots out of a window as rapidly as possible. They
always come for that."
"I see what you are after. You want them to come here and arrest me
for violating the Sullivan Law. Don't you know it's against the law in
New York to have a revolver on your premises or person? And what's
more, you would testify against me, confound you. Also probably have
me up for assault and battery. No, Mr. Smilk, your suggestion is not a
good one. We will stick to the telephone. Now, if you will be kind
enough to fold your arms tightly across your breast,--that's the
idea,--and arise slowly to your feet, I will instruct you--Yes, I know it
is harder to get up without the aid of the hands than it was to go down,
but I think you can manage it. Try again, if you please." Then, as Mr.
Smilk sank sullenly back against the wall, apparently resolved not to
budge: "I'm going to count three, Cassius. If you are not on your feet at
the end of the count, I shall be obliged to do the telephoning myself."
"That suits me," said Cassius grimly.
"Do you object to the smell of powder?"
"Huh?"
"I don't like it myself, but I should, of course, open the windows
immediately and air the room out--"
"I'll get up," said Cassius, and did so, clumsily but promptly. "Say, I--I
believe you WOULD shoot. You're just the kind of boob that would do
a thing like that."
"I dare say I should miss you if I were to fire all five bullets,--but that's
neither here nor there. You're on your feet, so--by the way, are you sure
this thing is loaded?"
"It wouldn't make any difference if it wasn't. It would go off just the
same. They always do when some darn fool idiot is pointin' them at
people."

"Don't be crotchetty, Cassius," reproached Mr. Yollop. "Now, if you
will just sidle around to the left you will come in due time to the
telephone over there on that desk. I shall not be far behind you. Sit
down. Now unfold your arms and lean both elbows on the desk. That's
the idea. You might keep your right hand exposed,--sort of
perpendicular from the elbow up. Take the receiver off