Worlds War Events - Volume 3 | Page 2

I have
sacrificed my chance to make good as husband, father, citizen, son, in
fact, in every human relationship, in order to be, as I trust, one of the
Nation's high-grade fighting instruments. Now, if fate never uses me
for the purpose to which I have been fashioned, then much time, labor,
and material have been wasted, and I had better have been made into a
good clerk, farmer, or business man.
[Sidenote: The desire to be put to the test.]
I do so want to be put to the test and not found wanting. Of course, I
know that the higher courage is to do your duty from day to day no
matter in how small a line, but all of us conceal a sneaking desire to
attempt the higher hurdles and sail over grandly.
You need not be proud of me, for there is no intrinsic virtue in being in
the Navy when war is declared; but I hope fate will give me the chance
to make you proud.
APRIL 21.
[Sidenote: A chance to command.]
[Sidenote: Bringing a ship to dock.]
I have been having lots of fun in command myself, and good
experience. I have taken her out on patrol up to Norfolk twice, where
the channel is as thin and crooked as a corkscrew, then into dry dock.
Later, escorted a submarine down, then docked the ship alongside of a
collier, and have established, to my own satisfaction at least, that I

know how to handle a ship. All this may not convey much, but you
remember how you felt when you first handled your father's car. Well,
the car weighs about two tons and the W---- a thousand, and she goes
nearly as fast. You have to bring your own mass up against another
dock or oilship as gently as dropping an egg in an egg-cup, and you can
imagine what the battleship skipper is up against, with 30,000 tons to
handle. Only he generally has tugs to help him, whereas we do it all by
ourselves.
[Sidenote: Justifying one's existence as an officer.]
This war is far harder on you than on me. The drill, the work of
preparing for grim reality, all of it is what I am trained for. The very
thought of getting into the game gives me a sense of calmness and
contentment I have never before known. I suppose it is because
subconsciously I feel that I am justifying my existence now more than
ever before. And that feeling brings anybody peace.
MAY 1.
Back in harness again and thankful for the press of work that keeps me
from thinking about you all at home.
[Sidenote: Orders to sail.]
Well, we are going across all right, exactly where and for how long I do
not know. Our present orders are to sail to-morrow night, but there
seems to be wild uncertainty about whether we will go out then. In the
meantime, we are frantically taking on mountains of stores,
ammunition, provisions, etc., trying to fill our vacancies with new men
from the Reserve Ship, and hurrying everything up at high pressure.
Well, I am glad it has come. It is what I wanted and what I think you
wanted for me. It is useless to discuss all the possibilities of where we
are going and what we are going to do. From the look of things, I think
we are going to help the British. I hope so. Of course, we are a mere
drop in the bucket.

MAY 5.
[Sidenote: Happier always for having taken the chance.]
As I start off now, my only real big regret is that through circumstances
so much of my responsibility has been taken by others--you, my
brother, and your father. I don't know that I am really to blame. At least,
I am very sure that never in all my life did I intentionally try to shift
any load of mine onto another. But in any case, it makes me all the
more glad that I am where I am, going where I am to go--to have my
chance, in other words. I once said in jest that all naval officers ought
really to get killed, to justify their existence. I don't exactly advocate
that extreme. But I shall all my life be happier for having at least taken
my chance. It will increase my self-respect, which in turn increases my
usefulness in life. So can you get my point of view, and be glad with
me?
[Sidenote: The best things of life.]
Now I am to a great extent a fatalist, though I hope it really is
something higher than that. Call it what you will, I have always
believed that if we go ahead and do our duty, counting not the