Wilt Thou Torchy

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Wilt Thou Torchy

The Project Gutenberg EBook of Wilt Thou Torchy, by Sewell Ford This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.net
Title: Wilt Thou Torchy
Author: Sewell Ford
Release Date: December 17, 2005 [EBook #17333]
Language: English
Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WILT THOU TORCHY ***

Produced by Al Haines

[Frontispiece: "But the impudence of you, to do it right here!" she goes on. "No one but you, Torchy, would have thought of that."]

WILT THOU TORCHY
BY
SEWELL FORD

AUTHOR OF
TORCHY, TORCHY, PRIVATE SEC, ETC.

ILLUSTRATIONS BY
FRANK SNAPP AND ARTHUR WILLIAM BROWN

NEW YORK
GROSSET & DUNLAP
PUBLISHERS

COPYRIGHT, 1915, 1916, 1917, BY
SEWELL FORD

COPYRIGHT, 1917, BY
EDWARD J. CLODE

CONTENTS
CHAPTER
I.
ON THE WAY WITH CYBIL II. TOWING CECIL TO A SMEAR III. TORCHY HANDS OUT A SPILL IV. HOW HAM PASSED THE BUCK V. WITH ELMER LEFT IN VI. A BALANCE FOR THE BOSS VII. TORCHY FOLLOWS A HUNCH VIII. BREAKING ODD WITH MYRA IX. REPORTING BLANK ON RUPERT X. WHEN AUNTIE CRASHES IN XI. A JOLT FROM OLD HICKORY XII. TORCHY HITS THE HIGH SEAS XIII. WHEN THE NAVY HORNED IN XIV. AUNTIE TAKES A NIGHT OFF XV. PASSING THE JOKE BUCK XVI. TORCHY TAKES A RUNNING JUMP XVII. A LITTLE SPEED ON THE HOME STRETCH

ILLUSTRATIONS
"But the impudence of you, to do it right here!" she goes on. "No one but you, Torchy, would have thought of that." . . . . . . Frontispiece "I don't think I ever saw Auntie come so near beamin' before. She seems right at home, fieldin' that line of chat. And Vee, too, is more or less under the spell.
"For a second it looked like Gladys was goin' to freeze with horror; but she just gives Valentina the once-over and indulges in a panicky little giggle."
"Then she grips me around the neck and snuggles her head down on my necktie--say, then I knew."

WILT THOU TORCHY
CHAPTER I
ON THE WAY WITH CECIL
It was a case of declarin' time out on the house. Uh-huh--a whole afternoon. What's the use bein' a private sec. in good standin' unless you can put one over on the time-clock now and then? Besides, I had a social date; and, now Mr. Robert is back on the job so steady and is gettin' so domestic in his habits, somebody's got to represent the Corrugated Trust at these function things.
The event was the openin' of the Pill Box; you know, one of these dinky little theaters where they do the capsule drama at two dollars a seat. Not that I've been givin' my theatrical taste the highbrow treatment. I'm still strong for the smokeless war play where the coisèd spy gets his'n good and hard.
But I understand this one-act stuff is the thing to see just now, and I'd picked up a hunch that Vee and Auntie had planned to be in on this openin' until Auntie's sciatica developed so bad that they had to call it off. So it's me makin' the timely play with a couple of seats in E center and almost gettin' hugged for it. Even Auntie shoots me an approvin' glance as she hands down a favorable decision.
So we sits through five acts of piffle that was mostly talky junk to me. And, at that, I wa'n't sufferin' exactly; for when them actorines got too weird, all I had to do was swing a bit in my seat and I had a side view of a spiffy little white fur boa, with a pink ear-tip showin' under a ripple of corn-colored hair, and a--well, I had something worth watching that's all.
"Wasn't that last thing stupid?" says Vee.
"Didn't bother me any," says I. "Maybe I wa'n't followin' it real close."
"The idea!" says, she. "Why come to the theater, anyway?"
"Lean closer and I'll whisper," says I.
"Silly!" says she. "Here! Have a chocolate."
"Toss," says I, openin' my mouth.
Vee snickers. "Suppose I missed and hit the fat man beyond?"
"It's a sportin' chance he takes," says I. "Shoot."
I had to bump Fatty a bit makin' the catch; but when he sees what the game is, he comes back with the friendly grin.
"There!" says Vee, tintin' up. "Now behave."
"Sorry," says I, "but I had to field my position, didn't I? Once more, now."
"Certainly not," says Vee. "Besides, there goes the curtain."
And if it hadn't been for interruptions like that we might have had a perfectly good time. We generally do when we're let alone. To sort of string the fun out I suggests goin' somewhere for tea. And it was while we're swappin' josh over the toasted crumpets and marmalade that we discovers a familiar-lookin' couple on the