Who Was Who: 5000 B. C. to Date | Page 5

longer and less respectable biographies. A. was the first person to sing to the accompaniment of a musical instrument, but he was a good singer. Ambition: Paris. Recreation: Music, travel, archery. Address: Greece. Clubs: Athletic, musical.
ARC, Joan of, celebrated French suffragette. Spent girlhood milking cows and embroidering. When the English ministry began operations in France J. dropped her embroidery in the milk bucket and began suffragetting. She did not break windows or blow up anything. Gathered a host of males about her and captured towns. English exited. J. went back to the cow, but again had to take to the armor. She was finally jailed, and burnt up by the Radical ministry. She burned an old maid. Recreation: Barn dances, churning. Clubs: Orleans Suffragette.
ARISTOTLE. Introduced brains into Greece.
ARMOUR, a Chicago family who keep the world supplied with meat, and themselves out of the government jails.
ARNOLD, Benedict, a man who sent his name down through history with a bad odor attached to it.
ARTHUR, King, a very dead English sovereign who manufactured the Round Table, and did all the things a good English king should do. Little is known of his Prince of Waleshood. Was crowned in Westminster Abbey, but without the American contingent. Became proficient as a knight. Stayed away from the palace so much his queen began flirting. Al's sword was a wonder. Press Agent: Lord Tennyson. recreation: Grailing. Address: Windsor, Buckingham.
ASQUITH, Herbert Henry, an Englishman who helped run things in his country before 1908, and who ran things after 1908. Was also a favorite rallying point for suffragettes. Led a successful wing-dipping expedition against some of his countrymen who held titles to names and property. Also juggled dynamite in Parliament (see Lloyd-George). Ambition: Women without ambitions. Recreation: Dodging, golf. Address: Constantly in danger of a change. Clubs: Favored Radical.
ATKINS, Thomas, celebrated red-coat-wearing dandy who flirts with nurses and cooks, spends his time boasting about South Africa and the U. S. A., posing for motion pictures, and exhibiting royalty. Authorities differ as to his marksmanship, although it is now conceded he can often hit a man-sized target at the distance of 4 feet 3 inches. Weather, however, must be clear. Is an authority on creases, backbone, accent, and tea. Beverage: Everything. Recreation: Jacks, collecting stamps, Kipling, blindman's-buff, parlor tricks, May-pole festivities. Ambition: Tortoise-shell monocles, camp manacurists, pocket bath-tubs, and restoration of the tea canteen. Epitaph: See Emperor William.
ATLAS, a man who held up the heavens and was not even a preacher. Edited a huge book which bears his name.
AURELIUS, Marcus, one of the few Romans who is not remembered for crossing a river, for being murdered, for murdering somebody, for making speeches, or building triumphant arches or ruins.

B
BABY, T. H. E., an unscrupulous tyrant, s. father and mother. His first appearance caused heaven at home, and an idiotic father. Education: At home. Career: A series of adventures. Was frequently ill, a poor sleeper, toy demolisher, throat exerciser, nurse distractor, and a general nuisance. Despite his shortcomings he ruled Home with an iron hand--a tear caused a doctor-- a smile meant a gold mine. Diet: Principally liquid. Ambition: The moon. Recreation: Coaching, hair pulling, a proud father. Address: See Mother.
BACCHUS, patron saint of most men, benefactor, a jolly good fellow, and the founder of the "morning after" feeling. Studied vine raising when a young man. Discovered that grapes were not intended for a food. Invented the greatest pleasure and pain giver the world has ever seen. Became a traveler. Introduced ale and stout in England, whiskey in Scotland, everything in Ireland, cocktails and patent medicines in the United States, beer in Germany, champagne in France, absinthe in France, and vodka in Russia. Career: Magnificent. Recreation: Paris. Address: Greece. Clubs: All, except W. C. T. U. Epitaph: He Will Live In The Throats Of His Countrymen.
BACON, Francis, either wrote or did not write Shakespeare.
BAEDEKER, Karl, one of the most versatile men who ever lived. Childhood and old age unknown. Formed an ambition to travel when quite young. First visited Switzerland, where he climbed every peak, walked every path, hired every guide, and did everything a tourist should so. His field of travel widened until every country in Europe was visited, as well as the United States, Canada, Alaska, and Mexico. In these lands he slept in every hotel, ate every dish in every restaurant, drank every wine, rode on every boat, tramway, subway, and train; visited every ruin, museum, art gallery, church, store; mastered every language, science, art, literature, custom, history, and drew maps and plans of everything. Publications: Baedekers. Recreation: Staying at home. Ambition: Tourists. Residence: Germany.
BALFOUR, Arthur James, of England, one time leader of the talking forces of the House of Commons. Ambition: Opposition seats on both sides of the house, and an epitaph over the home rule bill. Recreation: