What Every Woman Knows | Page 7

out of place in business transactions.
[The needles continue to click.]
ALICK [sighing]. We'll have to let her bide, David.
DAVID [sternly]. Woman. [But even this does not budge her.] Very well then, sit there, but don't interfere, mind. Mr. Shand, we're willing, the three of us, to lay out L300 on your education if--
JOHN. Take care.
DAVID [slowly, which is not his wont]. On condition that five years from now, Maggie Wylie, if still unmarried, can claim to marry you, should such be her wish; the thing to be perfectly open on her side, but you to be strictly tied down.
JAMES [enlightened]. So, so.
DAVID [resuming his smart manner]. Now, what have you to say? Decide.
JOHN [after a pause]. I regret to say--
MAGGIE. It doesn't matter what he regrets to say, because I decide against it. And I think it was very ill-done of you to make any such proposal.
DAVID [without looking at her]. Quiet, Maggie.
JOHN [looking at her]. I must say, Miss Maggie, I don't see what reasons YOU can have for being so set against it.
MAGGIE. If you would grow a beard, Mr. Shand, the reasons wouldn't be quite so obvious.
JOHN. I'll never grow a beard.
MAGGIE. Then you're done for at the start.
ALICK. Come, come.
MAGGIE. Seeing I have refused the young man--
JOHN. Refused!
DAVID. That's no reason why we shouldn't have his friendly opinion. Your objections, Mr. Shand?
JOHN. Simply, it's a one-sided bargain. I admit I'm no catch at present; but what could a man of my abilities not soar to with three hundred pounds? Something far above what she could aspire to.
MAGGIE. Oh, indeed!
DAVID. The position is that without the three hundred you can't soar.
JOHN. You have me there.
MAGGIE. Yes, but--
ALICK. You see YOU'RE safeguarded, Maggie; you don't need to take him unless you like, but he has to take you.
JOHN. That's an unfair arrangement also.
MAGGIE. I wouldn't dream of it without that condition.
JOHN. Then you ARE thinking of it?
MAGGIE. Poof!
DAVID. It's a good arrangement for you, Mr. Shand. The chances are you'll never have to go on with it, for in all probability she'll marry soon.
JAMES. She's tremendous run after.
JOHN. Even if that's true, it's just keeping me in reserve in case she misses doing better.
DAVID [relieved]. That's the situation in a nutshell.
JOHN. Another thing. Supposing I was to get fond of her?
ALICK [wistfully]. It's very likely.
JOHN. Yes, and then suppose she was to give me the go-by?
DAVID. You have to risk that.
JOHN. Or take it the other way. Supposing as I got to know her I COULD NOT endure her?
DAVID [suavely]. You have both to take risks.
JAMES [less suavely]. What you need, John Shand, is a clout on the head.
JOHN. Three hundred pounds is no great sum.
DAVID. You can take it or leave it.
ALICK. No great sum for a student studying for the ministry!
JOHN. Do you think that with that amount of money I would stop short at being a minister?
DAVID. That's how I like to hear you speak. A young Scotsman of your ability let loose upon the world with L300, what could he not do? It's almost appalling to think of; especially if he went among the English.
JOHN. What do you think, Miss Maggie?
MAGGIE [who is knitting]. I have no thoughts on the subject either way.
JOHN [after looking her over]. What's her age? She looks young, but they say it's the curls that does it.
DAVID [rather happily]. She's one of those women who are eternally young.
JOHN. I can't take that for an answer.
DAVID. She's twenty-five.
JOHN. I'm just twenty-one.
JAMES. I read in a book that about four years' difference in the ages is the ideal thing. [As usual he is disregarded.]
DAVID. Well, Mr. Shand?
JOHN [where is his mother?]. I'm willing if she's willing.
DAVID. Maggie?
MAGGIE. There can be no 'if' about it. It must be an offer.
JOHN. A Shand give a Wylie such a chance to humiliate him? Never.
MAGGIE. Then all is off.
DAVID. Come, come, Mr. Shand, it's just a form.
JOHN [reluctantly]. Miss Maggie, will you?
MAGGIE [doggedly]. Is it an offer?
JOHN [dourly]. Yes.
MAGGIE [rising]. Before I answer I want first to give you a chance of drawing back.
DAVID. Maggie.
MAGGIE [bravely]. When they said that I have been run after they were misleading you. I'm without charm; nobody has ever been after me.
JOHN. Oho!
ALICK. They will be yet.
JOHN [the innocent]. It shows at least that you haven't been after them.
[His hosts exchange a self-conscious glance.]
MAGGIE. One thing more; David said I'm twenty-five, I'm twenty-six.
JOHN. Aha!
MAGGIE. Now be practical. Do you withdraw from the bargain, or do you not?
JOHN [on reflection]. It's a bargain.
MAGGIE. Then so be it.
DAVID [hurriedly]. And that's settled. Did you say you would take it hot, Mr. Shand?
JOHN. I think I'll take it neat.
[The others decide to take it hot, and there is some careful business here with the toddy ladles.]
ALICK. Here's to you, and your career.
JOHN. Thank