War Rhymes | Page 3

brave spirits took their flight?To realms beyond the sky,?We know Saint Peter didn't say?"No English need apply."
UNEMPLOYED
April, 1915
"I haven't any way, sir, to earn my daily bread;?Give me a job, I pray, sir, my children must be fed."?"To keep your kids from harm, sir," the city man replied, "There's no place like the farm, sir, the peaceful country side."
"I have no work to do, sir," said I to Farmer Sprout;?"So I have come to you, sir, to try to help me out."?He answered: "Can you plow, sir, or build a load of hay? If you can't milk a cow, sir, you'd better fade away."
"Have you a job to-day, sir, to give a working man??My stomach's full of hay, sir, my children live on bran." "I really can't delay, sir," the busy man replied,?"Please call some other day, sir, my car is just outside."
"I want to find a place, sir," said I to Groucher Black; "I couldn't go the pace, sir, and now I'm off the track." Old Groucher growled in answer, "This town of blasted hopes Has no place for a man, sir, who does not know the ropes."
"I'm anxious to enlist, sir, I am a Briton true,?To fight the mailed fist, sir, the Kaiser and his crew." Thus answered Dr. Brown,--"Sir, in one main point you lack; I'll have to turn you down, sir, because your teeth don't track."
"I'd like to find some work, sir," to Smith, M.P., I spoke; "I really am no shirk, sir, although I'm stony broke."?Said he, "You poor old lobster, you have a lot to learn, To get a steady job, sir, you really must intern."
THE HATE OF HANS
April, 1915
I hate dot teufel, Johnnie Bull,?(Der Kaiser says I must)?Mit rage mine heart is filled so full?Sometime I tink I'll bust.
Vot pisness he mit horse and gun,?Dot channel shtream to cross??Vot matter for de tings ve done??Der Kaiser is de boss.
Dose English, yaw, I tells you true!?Dey spoil der Kaiser's plans,?Shoost cause ve march de Belgium through?Dey kill us Sherman mans.
Mine brudder's dead, already, soon,?Mine sister is von spy,?Mine cousin rides de big balloon,?Dot floats up in de sky.
My poys--dot story I can't wrote,?I lose them, von--two--tree,?Ven English teufels sink dose boat,?Vot sail der untersee.
Mineself, I learn de English talk?Von time in Milwaukee,?I hang around de Antwerp dock,?Und hear vot I can see.
Dey tink dey'll shtarve us Shermans oudt,?Not yet, already, blease,?Ve still haf lots of saur-kraut,?Und goot limburger cheese.
Mit blenty peers unt blenty shmokes,?Und rye bread mixed mit sand,?Dis is enough for Sherman folks?Dat luf de faderland.
Ve'll tear dot English heart oudt yet?Mit eagle's beak and claws;?Shoost now ve can't to London get,?I don't know vy pecause.
Ve should haf been dere long ago,?Mit dose machine dot flies,?But tings seem gooing britty slow,?Berhaps der Kaiser lies.
HANS BEGINS TO WONDER
April, 1915
I vonder if dot's nefer so,?Shaymeezle Russia take.?You can't pelieve von half you know,?Such lies dose papers make.
I vonder if dose tales are true,?Ve lose most all our ships,?Our colonies and commerce too;?I hear tings mit my lips.
I vonder if dose Dardanelles,?Can shtop der allied fleet,?Somedimes to me dere's someting tells,?Maype dose Turks get peat.
I vonder, too, if Italy?Vill give to us der bump,?Shoost now she's vaiting yet to see?Vichway der cat vill yump.
I vonder can our army shtop?Dose Russian teufels' raid,?Or vill dey gain de mountain top?Or fail to make de grade.
I vonder if dot Balkan bunch,?Und Greece und Holland too,?Should give us britty soon de punch,?Vot vill der Kaiser do.
I vonder vere der Kaiser shtays?Mit all dose poys of his,?You pet, dey keep a goot long vays?From vere de bullets whiz.
I vonder if dot kultur's goot,?Sometimes it is, no doubt,?But ven it comes to daily foodt?I luf der saur-kraut.
I vonder if ve all get stung,?Like vot de Yankees say;?Der Kaiser maype yet get hung,?If ve don't vin de day.

Mine gracious! vot is dat I say??No von, I hope, don't hear;?Dose spies vould sell mine life away?For von goot drink of peer.
=RECRUITING APPEALS=
JACK CANUCK
October, 1914
"Only forty per cent of the volunteers at Valcartier are Canadian born." "A large number of men are being kept at home by their wives and mothers."
--Recent News Items.
Our Jack Canuck is active,?He plays a pretty goal,?But make swift runs to cover?When drums begin to roll.
And Jack Canuck's unselfish,?He lets the honors go?All to his British brother,?When war time bugles blow.
And Jack Canuck is modest;?That's why he chooses rears,?And sees the front seats taken?By British volunteers.
Yes, Jack Canuck's a hero?Whose glory never fades;?He'll lick his weight in wild cats?--The day his lodge parades.
And Jack Canuck's free handed?He sends, (Jack's awful wise),?His dumpling dust in ship loads;?(It pays to advertise).
For Jack Canuck is thrifty,?He wants, when peace is made,?To feed the worn out nations,?And capture all the trade.
And Miss Canuck and Mrs.,?They value so the lives?Of husband, son and sweetheart,?These daughters, maids