War Rhymes | Page 3

never 'ad kept 'ouse;
And then we 'ad
our families,
But that's no reason why,
As you should flash your
dirty ads,
"No English need apply."
At learning to economize
Perhaps we're rather slow,
But when you
call for volunteers
Our sons and 'usbands go;
In all of your
contingents
Canadians are shy,
But Colonel Sam 'as never said,

"No English need apply."
When, steeped in military pride,
The crazy Kaiser Bill
Let loose his
hell-directed hordes,
To plunder, burn and kill,
And British lads
took up their guns
For Freedom's cause to die,
Brave, blood-stained
Belgium didn't say
"No English need apply."
Wherever danger blocks the way
An Englishman has led,
No
storm-tossed sea, no foreign shore,
But shelters England's dead;

And when brave spirits took their flight
To realms beyond the sky,


We know Saint Peter didn't say
"No English need apply."
UNEMPLOYED
April, 1915

"I haven't any way, sir, to earn my daily bread;
Give me a job, I pray,
sir, my children must be fed."
"To keep your kids from harm, sir," the
city man replied, "There's no place like the farm, sir, the peaceful
country side."
"I have no work to do, sir," said I to Farmer Sprout;
"So I have come
to you, sir, to try to help me out."
He answered: "Can you plow, sir,
or build a load of hay? If you can't milk a cow, sir, you'd better fade
away."
"Have you a job to-day, sir, to give a working man?
My stomach's
full of hay, sir, my children live on bran." "I really can't delay, sir," the
busy man replied,
"Please call some other day, sir, my car is just
outside."
"I want to find a place, sir," said I to Groucher Black; "I couldn't go the
pace, sir, and now I'm off the track." Old Groucher growled in answer,
"This town of blasted hopes Has no place for a man, sir, who does not
know the ropes."
"I'm anxious to enlist, sir, I am a Briton true,
To fight the mailed fist,
sir, the Kaiser and his crew." Thus answered Dr. Brown,--"Sir, in one
main point you lack; I'll have to turn you down, sir, because your teeth
don't track."
"I'd like to find some work, sir," to Smith, M.P., I spoke; "I really am
no shirk, sir, although I'm stony broke."
Said he, "You poor old
lobster, you have a lot to learn, To get a steady job, sir, you really must
intern."
THE HATE OF HANS
April, 1915
I hate dot teufel, Johnnie Bull,
(Der Kaiser says I must)
Mit rage
mine heart is filled so full
Sometime I tink I'll bust.

Vot pisness he mit horse and gun,
Dot channel shtream to cross?

Vot matter for de tings ve done?
Der Kaiser is de boss.
Dose English, yaw, I tells you true!
Dey spoil der Kaiser's plans,

Shoost cause ve march de Belgium through
Dey kill us Sherman
mans.
Mine brudder's dead, already, soon,
Mine sister is von spy,
Mine
cousin rides de big balloon,
Dot floats up in de sky.
My poys--dot story I can't wrote,
I lose them, von--two--tree,
Ven
English teufels sink dose boat,
Vot sail der untersee.
Mineself, I learn de English talk
Von time in Milwaukee,
I hang
around de Antwerp dock,
Und hear vot I can see.
Dey tink dey'll shtarve us Shermans oudt,
Not yet, already, blease,

Ve still haf lots of saur-kraut,
Und goot limburger cheese.
Mit blenty peers unt blenty shmokes,
Und rye bread mixed mit sand,

Dis is enough for Sherman folks
Dat luf de faderland.
Ve'll tear dot English heart oudt yet
Mit eagle's beak and claws;

Shoost now ve can't to London get,
I don't know vy pecause.
Ve should haf been dere long ago,
Mit dose machine dot flies,
But
tings seem gooing britty slow,
Berhaps der Kaiser lies.
HANS BEGINS TO WONDER
April, 1915
I vonder if dot's nefer so,
Shaymeezle Russia take.
You can't
pelieve von half you know,
Such lies dose papers make.
I vonder if dose tales are true,
Ve lose most all our ships,
Our

colonies and commerce too;
I hear tings mit my lips.
I vonder if dose Dardanelles,
Can shtop der allied fleet,
Somedimes
to me dere's someting tells,
Maype dose Turks get peat.
I vonder, too, if Italy
Vill give to us der bump,
Shoost now she's
vaiting yet to see
Vichway der cat vill yump.
I vonder can our army shtop
Dose Russian teufels' raid,
Or vill dey
gain de mountain top
Or fail to make de grade.
I vonder if dot Balkan bunch,
Und Greece und Holland too,
Should
give us britty soon de punch,
Vot vill der Kaiser do.
I vonder vere der Kaiser shtays
Mit all dose poys of his,
You pet,
dey keep a goot long vays
From vere de bullets whiz.
I vonder if dot kultur's goot,
Sometimes it is, no doubt,
But ven it
comes to daily foodt
I luf der saur-kraut.
I vonder if ve all get stung,
Like vot de Yankees say;
Der Kaiser
maype yet get hung,
If ve don't vin de day.

Mine gracious! vot is dat I say?
No von, I hope, don't hear;
Dose
spies vould sell mine life away
For von goot drink of peer.
=RECRUITING APPEALS=
JACK CANUCK
October, 1914
"Only forty per cent of