Uncle Vanya | Page 6

mind, Monsieur Ivan, we will drink cold tea, then.
TELEGIN. I beg your pardon, my name is not Ivan, but Ilia,
ma'am--Ilia Telegin, or Waffles, as I am sometimes called on account
of my pock-marked face. I am Sonia's godfather, and his Excellency,
your husband, knows me very well. I now live with you, ma'am, on this
estate, and perhaps you will be so good as to notice that I dine with you
every day.
SONIA. He is our great help, our right-hand man. [Tenderly] Dear
godfather, let me pour you some tea.
MME. VOITSKAYA. Oh! Oh!

SONIA. What is it, grandmother?
MME. VOITSKAYA. I forgot to tell Alexander--I have lost my
memory--I received a letter to-day from Paul Alexevitch in Kharkoff.
He has sent me a new pamphlet.
ASTROFF. Is it interesting?
MME. VOITSKAYA. Yes, but strange. He refutes the very theories
which he defended seven years ago. It is appalling!
VOITSKI. There is nothing appalling about it. Drink your tea, mamma.
MME. VOITSKAYA. It seems you never want to listen to what I have
to say. Pardon me, Jean, but you have changed so in the last year that I
hardly know you. You used to be a man of settled convictions and had
an illuminating personality---
VOITSKI. Oh, yes. I had an illuminating personality, which
illuminated no one. [A pause] I had an illuminating personality! You
couldn't say anything more biting. I am forty-seven years old. Until last
year I endeavoured, as you do now, to blind my eyes by your pedantry
to the truths of life. But now--Oh, if you only knew! If you knew how I
lie awake at night, heartsick and angry, to think how stupidly I have
wasted my time when I might have been winning from life everything
which my old age now forbids.
SONIA. Uncle Vanya, how dreary!
MME. VOITSKAYA. [To her son] You speak as if your former
convictions were somehow to blame, but you yourself, not they, were
at fault. You have forgotten that a conviction, in itself, is nothing but a
dead letter. You should have done something.
VOITSKI. Done something! Not every man is capable of being a writer
perpetuum mobile like your Herr Professor.
MME. VOITSKAYA. What do you mean by that?
SONIA. [Imploringly] Mother! Uncle Vanya! I entreat you!
VOITSKI. I am silent. I apologise and am silent. [A pause.]
HELENA. What a fine day! Not too hot. [A pause.]
VOITSKI. A fine day to hang oneself.
TELEGIN tunes the guitar. MARINA appears near the house, calling
the chickens.
MARINA. Chick, chick, chick!
SONIA. What did the peasants want, nurse?
MARINA. The same old thing, the same old nonsense. Chick, chick,

chick!
SONIA. Why are you calling the chickens?
MARINA. The speckled hen has disappeared with her chicks. I am
afraid the crows have got her.
TELEGIN plays a polka. All listen in silence. Enter WORKMAN.
WORKMAN. Is the doctor here? [To ASTROFF] Excuse me, sir, but I
have been sent to fetch you.
ASTROFF. Where are you from?
WORKMAN. The factory.
ASTROFF. [Annoyed] Thank you. There is nothing for it, then, but to
go. [Looking around him for his cap] Damn it, this is annoying!
SONIA. Yes, it is too bad, really. You must come back to dinner from
the factory.
ASTROFF. No, I won't be able to do that. It will be too late. Now
where, where-- [To the WORKMAN] Look here, my man, get me a
glass of vodka, will you? [The WORKMAN goes out] Where--where--
[Finds his cap] One of the characters in Ostroff's plays is a man with a
long moustache and short wits, like me. However, let me bid you
good-bye, ladies and gentlemen. [To HELENA] I should be really
delighted if you would come to see me some day with Miss Sonia. My
estate is small, but if you are interested in such things I should like to
show you a nursery and seed-bed whose like you will not find within a
thousand miles of here. My place is surrounded by government forests.
The forester is old and always ailing, so I superintend almost all the
work myself.
HELENA. I have always heard that you were very fond of the woods.
Of course one can do a great deal of good by helping to preserve them,
but does not that work interfere with your real calling?
ASTROFF. God alone knows what a man's real calling is.
HELENA. And do you find it interesting?
ASTROFF. Yes, very.
VOITSKI. [Sarcastically] Oh, extremely!
HELENA. You are still young, not over thirty-six or seven, I should
say, and I suspect that the woods do not interest you as much as you
say they do. I should think you would find them monotonous.
SONIA. No, the work is thrilling. Dr. Astroff watches over the old