Two Gentlemen of Verona | Page 4

Valentine.
VALENTINE. Sweet Proteus, no; now let us take our leave. To Milan let me hear from thee by letters Of thy success in love, and what news else Betideth here in absence of thy friend; And I likewise will visit thee with mine.
PROTEUS. All happiness bechance to thee in Milan!
VALENTINE. As much to you at home! and so farewell!
[Exit.]
PROTEUS. He after honour hunts, I after love; He leaves his friends to dignify them more: I leave myself, my friends, and all for love. Thou, Julia, thou hast metamorphos'd me;-- Made me neglect my studies, lose my time, War with good counsel, set the world at nought; Made wit with musing weak, heart sick with thought.
[Enter SPEED.]
SPEED. Sir Proteus, save you! Saw you my master?
PROTEUS. But now he parted hence to embark for Milan.
SPEED. Twenty to one then he is shipp'd already, And I have play'd the sheep in losing him.
PROTEUS. Indeed a sheep doth very often stray, An if the shepherd be a while away.
SPEED. You conclude that my master is a shepherd then, and I a sheep?
PROTEUS. I do.
SPEED. Why then, my horns are his horns, whether I wake or sleep.
PROTEUS. A silly answer, and fitting well a sheep.
SPEED. This proves me still a sheep.
PROTEUS. True; and thy master a shepherd.
SPEED. Nay, that I can deny by a circumstance.
PROTEUS. It shall go hard but I'll prove it by another.
SPEED. The shepherd seeks the sheep, and not the sheep the shepherd; but I seek my master, and my master seeks not me; therefore, I am no sheep.
PROTEUS. The sheep for fodder follow the shepherd; the shepherd for food follows not the sheep: thou for wages followest thy master; thy master for wages follows not thee. Therefore, thou art a sheep.
SPEED. Such another proof will make me cry 'baa.'
PROTEUS. But, dost thou hear? gavest thou my letter to Julia?
SPEED. Ay, sir; I, a lost mutton, gave your letter to her, a laced mutton; and she, a laced mutton, gave me, a lost mutton, nothing for my labour.
PROTEUS. Here's too small a pasture for such store of muttons.
SPEED. If the ground be overcharged, you were best stick her.
PROTEUS. Nay, in that you are astray: 'twere best pound you.
SPEED. Nay, sir, less than a pound shall serve me for carrying your letter.
PROTEUS. You mistake; I mean the pound,--a pinfold.
SPEED. From a pound to a pin? fold it over and over, 'Tis threefold too little for carrying a letter to your lover.
PROTEUS. But what said she? [SPEED nods.] Did she nod?
[SPEED] Ay.
PROTEUS. Nod, ay? Why, that's noddy.
SPEED. You mistook, sir; I say she did nod; and you ask me if she did nod; and I say, Ay.
PROTEUS. And that set together is--noddy.
SPEED. Now you have taken the pains to set it together, take it for your pains.
PROTEUS. No, no; you shall have it for bearing the letter.
SPEED. Well, I perceive I must be fain to bear with you.
PROTEUS. Why, sir, how do you bear with me?
SPEED. Marry, sir, the letter, very orderly; having nothing but the word 'noddy' for my pains.
PROTEUS. Beshrew me, but you have a quick wit.
SPEED. And yet it cannot overtake your slow purse.
PROTEUS. Come, come; open the matter; in brief: what said she?
SPEED. Open your purse, that the money and the matter may be both at once delivered.
PROTEUS. Well, sir, here is for your pains [giving him money]. What said she?
SPEED. Truly, sir, I think you'll hardly win her.
PROTEUS. Why, couldst thou perceive so much from her?
SPEED. Sir, I could perceive nothing at all from her; no, not so much as a ducat for delivering your letter; and being so hard to me that brought your mind, I fear she'll prove as hard to you in telling your mind. Give her no token but stones, for she's as hard as steel.
PROTEUS. What! said she nothing?
SPEED. No, not so much as 'Take this for thy pains.' To testify your bounty, I thank you, you have testerned me; in requital whereof, henceforth carry your letters yourself; and so, sir, I'll commend you to my master.
PROTEUS. Go, go, be gone, to save your ship from wrack; Which cannot perish, having thee aboard, Being destin'd to a drier death on shore.--
[Exit SPEED.]
I must go send some better messenger. I fear my Julia would not deign my lines, Receiving them from such a worthless post.
[Exit.]

SCENE 2. THe same. The garden Of JULIA'S house.
[Enter JULIA and LUCETTA.]
JULIA. But say, Lucetta, now we are alone, Wouldst thou then counsel me to fall in love?
LUCETTA. Ay, madam; so you stumble not unheedfully.
JULIA. Of all the fair resort of gentlemen That every day with parle encounter me, In thy opinion which is worthiest love?
LUCETTA. Please you, repeat their names; I'll show my mind According to my shallow simple skill.
JULIA. What think'st thou of the fair Sir Eglamour?
LUCETTA. As of