Trials and Confessions of a Housekeeper | Page 8

convinced, Hannah became angry, and said
something about her not being a "thafe." I was unmoved by this,
however; and told her, with as much sternness of manner as I could
assume, that I should hold her responsible for any future waste of the
article; and that if she did not feel inclined to remain on such terms, she
had better go.
"Dade, thin, and I'll go to onst," was the girl's spirited answer.
"Very well, Hannah. You are your own mistress in this respect," said I,
coolly. "I'm not in the least troubled about filling your place; nor fearful
of getting one who will waste a gallon of oil in four days."
Hannah retired from my presence in high indignation, and I fully
expected that she would desert my house forthwith. But, no; unlike
some others of her class, she knew when she had a good place, and had
sense enough to keep it as long as she could stay.
In due time she cooled off, and I heard no more about her getting

another place.
"There's that fishy smell again!" exclaimed my husband, as he arose up
in bed one morning, a day or two afterwards, and snuffed the air. "And,
as I live, the fire in the heater is all out again! I'll have some light on
this subject, see if I don't."
And he sprung upon the floor, at the same time hurriedly putting on his
dressing gown and a pair of slippers.
"Where are you going?" said I, seeing him moving towards the door.
"To find out where this fishy smell comes from," he replied,
disappearing as he spoke.
In about five minutes, Mr. Smith returned.
"Well, if that don't beat all!" he exclaimed, as he re-entered the
chamber.
"What?" I very naturally enquired.
"I've found out all about that fishy smell," said he.
"What about it? Where does it come from?"
"You wouldn't guess in a month of Sundays! Well, this is a great world!
Live and learn!"
"Explain yourself, Mr. Smith. I'm all impatience."
"I will; and in a few words. The fire was out in the heater."
"Yes."
"And I very naturally took my way down to where I expected to find
our lady at work in the re-kindling process."
"Well?"

"Sure enough, there she was, kindling the fire with a vengeance."
"With what?" I asked. "With a vengeance?"
"Yes, with a vengeance to my pocket. She had the oil can in her hands,
and was pouring its contents freely into the furnace, in order to quicken
combustion. I now understand all about this fishy smell."
"And I all about the remarkable disappearance of a gallon of oil in four
days. Kindling the fire with dollar and forty cent oil!"
"Even so!"
"What did you say to her, Mr. Smith?"
"Nothing. But I rather think she'll not want me to look at her again, the
huzzy!"
"Kindling fire with my best sperm oil! Well, I can't get over that!"
Something in this wise I continued to ejaculate, now and then, until my
astonishment fairly wore itself out.
I didn't consider it worth while to say any thing to Hannah when I went
down stairs, thinking it best to let the look my husband spoke of, do its
work. By the way, I don't much wonder that she was frightened at his
look--for he can--But I forgot--I am speaking of my husband, and he
might happen to read this.
Of course, Hannah's days in my house were numbered. No faith was to
be placed in a creature who could so shamefully destroy a useful article
placed in her hands. If she would burn up the oil, it was but fair to infer
that she would as remorselessly make way with other things. So I
parted with her. She begged me to let her stay, and made all sorts of
promises. But I was immovable.
Whether I bettered myself in the change, is somewhat doubtful.

CHAPTER IV.
CHEAP FURNITURE.

ONE of the cardinal virtues, at least for housekeepers who are not
overburdened in the matter of income, is economy. In the early part of
our married life, Mr. Smith and myself were forced to the practice of
this virtue, or incur debt, of which both of us had a natural horror. For a
few years we lived in the plain style with which we had begun the
world. But, when our circumstances improved, we very naturally
desired to improve the appearance of things in our household. Our cane
seat chairs and ingrain carpet looked less and less attractive every day.
And, when we went out to spend an evening, socially, with our friends,
the contrast between home and abroad was strikingly apparent to our
minds.
"I think," said Mr. Smith to me, one day, "that it