Tracks of a Rolling Stone | Page 4

I cannot say whether we were marched past in
turn, or how I came there. But I remember the look of the king in his
naval uniform. I remember his white kerseymere breeches, and pink
silk stockings, and buckled shoes. He took me between his knees, and
asked, 'Well, what are you going to be, my little man?'
'A sailor,' said I, with brazen simplicity.
'Going to avenge the death of Nelson - eh? Fond o' sugar- plums?'
'Ye-es,' said I, taking a mental inventory of stars and anchor buttons.
Upon this, he fetched from the depths of his waistcoat pocket a
capacious gold box, and opened it with a tap, as though he were about
to offer me a pinch of snuff. 'There's for you,' said he.
I helped myself, unawed by the situation, and with my small fist
clutching the bonbons, was passed on to Queen Adelaide. She gave me
a kiss, for form's sake, I thought; and I scuttled back to my mother.
But here followed the shocking part of the ENFANT TERRIBLE'S
adventure. Not quite sure of Her Majesty's identity - I had never heard
there was a Queen - I naively asked my mother, in a very audible
stage-whisper, 'Who is the old lady with - ?' My mother dragged me off
the instant she had made her curtsey. She had a quick sense of humour;
and, judging from her laughter, when she told her story to another lady
in the supper room, I fancied I had said or done something very funny.
I was rather disconcerted at being seriously admonished, and told I
must never again comment upon the breath of ladies who condescended
to kiss, or to speak to, me.
While we lived at Kensington, Lord Anglesey used often to pay my
mother a visit. She had told me the story of the battle of Waterloo, in
which my Uncle George - 6th Lord Albemarle - had taken part; and
related how Lord Anglesey had lost a leg there, and how one of his legs
was made of cork. Lord Anglesey was a great dandy. The cut of the
Paget hat was an heirloom for the next generation or two, and the
gallant Marquis' boots and tightly-strapped trousers were patterns of
polish and precision. The limp was perceptible; but of which leg, was,
in spite of careful investigation, beyond my diagnosis. His presence
provoked my curiosity, till one fine day it became too strong for
resistance. While he was busily engaged in conversation with my
mother, I, watching for the chance, sidled up to his chair, and as soon

as he looked away, rammed my heel on to his toes. They were his toes.
And considering the jump and the oath which instantly responded to
my test, I am persuaded they were abnormally tender ones. They might
have been made of corns, certainly not of cork.
Another discovery I made about this period was, for me at least, a
'record': it happened at Quidenham - my grandfather the 4th Lord
Albemarle's place.
Some excursion was afoot, which needed an early breakfast. When this
was half over, one married couple were missing. My grandfather called
me to him (I was playing with another small boy in one of the window
bays). 'Go and tell Lady Maria, with my love,' said he, 'that we shall
start in half an hour. Stop, stop a minute. Be sure you knock at the
door.' I obeyed orders - I knocked at the door, but failed to wait for an
answer. I entered without it. And what did I behold? Lady Maria was
still in bed; and by the side of Lady M. was, very naturally, Lady M.'s
husband, also in bed and fast asleep. At first I could hardly believe my
senses. It was within the range of my experience that boys of my age
occasionally slept in the same bed. But that a grown up man should
sleep in the same bed with his wife was quite beyond my notion of the
fitness of things. I was so staggered, so long in taking in this
astounding novelty, that I could not at first deliver my grandfathers
message. The moment I had done so, I rushed back to the breakfast
room, and in a loud voice proclaimed to the company what I had seen.
My tale produced all the effect I had anticipated, but mainly in the
shape of amusement. One wag - my uncle Henry Keppel - asked for
details, gravely declaring he could hardly credit my statement. Every
one, however, seemed convinced by the circumstantial nature of my
evidence when I positively asserted that their heads were not even at
opposite ends of the bed, but side by side upon the same pillow.
A still greater soldier