Tin-Types Taken in the Streets of New York | Page 8

Tobey. You're a dreadful trial to me, Tobey. Didn't the
gentleman's advertisement say there was 500,000 pounds in it? Aint
that enough? Couldn't you and me get along on 500,000 pounds, or
even less, on a pinch?"
"But the question is," said Mr. Jayres, "what claim you have on the
Bugwug property. Are you descended from Timothy Bugwug, and if so,
how directly and in what remove?"
"That's what we wants you to tell us, sir," replied Mr. Tobey.
"Why, we supposed you'd have it all settled," added his wife. "Aint you
a lawyer?"
"Oh, yes, I'm a lawyer," Mr. Jayres suavely replied, "and I can tell you
what your claim is if I know your relationship to Timothy Bugwug. He
died in 1672, leaving four children, Obediah, Martin, Ezekiel, and
Sarah. Obediah died without issue. Martin and Sarah came to America,
and Ezekiel was lost at sea before he had married. Now then, where do
you come in?"
"My mother--" said Mr. Tobey.
"Was a Bugwug," said Mrs. Tobey. "There's no doubt at all but what all
that money belongs to us, and if you've got it you must pay it right
away to us, for plenty of use we have for it with six young children
a-growing up and prospects of another come April, which as regards
me is terrible to think of, though, I suppose, I shouldn't repine, seeing
that it's the Lord's will that woman should suffer, which, I must say, it
seems to me that they have more than their fair share. However, I don't

blame Tobey, for he's a fine man, and a hard-working one, if he hasn't
got the gift of speech and is never able to come to the point, though
that's not for the lack of having it dinged into his ears, for if I says it
once I says it fifty times a day, 'Tobey, will you come to the point?'"
Mr. Jayres took up his pen. "Well, let's see," he said. "What is your full
name, Mr. Tobey?"
"William Tobey, sir. I am the son of--"
"Jonathan Tobey and Henrietta Bugwug," continued the lady, "it being
so stated in the marriage license which the minister said was for my
protection, and bears the likeness of Tobey on one side and mine on the
other and clasped hands in the center signifying union, and is now in
the left-hand corner of the sixth shelf from the bottom in the china
closet and can be produced at any time if it's needful. I've kept it very
careful."
"Whose daughter was Henrietta Bugwug?" asked Mr. Jayres.
"Tobey's grandfather's, sir, a very odd old gentleman, though blind,
which he got from setting off fireworks on a Fourth of July, and nearly
burned the foot off the blue twin, called blue from the color of his eyes,
the other being dark-blue, which is the only way we have of telling 'em
apart, except that one likes cod liver oil and the other don't, and several
times when the blue twin's been sick the dark-blue twin has got all the
medicine by squinting up his eyes so as I couldn't make him out and
pretending it was him that had the colic, and Mr. Bugwug, that's
Tobey's grandfather, lives in Harlem all by himself, because he says
there's too much noise and talking in our flat, and I dare say there is,
though I don't notice it."
"In Harlem, eh? When did you first hear that you had an interest in the
Bugwug estates?"
"Oh, ever so long, and we'd have had the money long ago if it hadn't
been that a church burned down a long time ago somewhere in Virginia
where one of the Bugwugs married somebody and all the records were

lost, though I don't see what that had to do with it, because Tobey's
here all ready to take the property, and it stands to reason that he
wouldn't have been here unless that wedding had 'a' happened without
they mean to insult us, which they'd better not, and wont, if they know
when they are well off," and at the very thought of such a thing Mrs.
Tobey tossed her head angrily.
"I see," said Mr. Jayres, "I see. And you want me to take the matter in
hand, I suppose, and see if I can recover the money, eh?"
"Oh, dear!" said Mrs. Tobey, in a disappointed tone, "I thought from
the piece in the paper that the money was all ready for us."
"You mustn't be so impatient," soothingly responded Mr. Jayres, laying
his fat finger on his fat cheek and smiling softly. "All in good time. All
in good time. The money's where it's safe. You only need to establish
your right to it. We must fetch a suit