Tik-Tok of Oz | Page 4

four Generals are enough," announced Jo Clock. "I advise you to
make the rest of them Colonels."
Ann tried to follow his advice. The next four men she visited--who
were Jo Plum, Jo Egg, Jo Banjo and Jo Cheese, named after the trees in
their orchards--she made Colonels of her Army; but the fifth one, Jo
Nails, said Colonels and Generals were getting to be altogether too
common in the Army of Oogaboo and he preferred to be a Major. So Jo
Nails, Jo Cake, Jo Ham and Jo Stockings were all four made Majors,
while the next four--Jo Sandwich, Jo Padlocks, Jo Sundae and Jo
Buttons--were appointed Captains of the Army.
But now Queen Ann was in a quandary. There remained but two other
men in all Oogaboo, and if she made these two Lieutenants, while there
were four Captains, four Majors, four Colonels and four Generals, there
was likely to be jealousy in her army, and perhaps mutiny and
desertions.
One of these men, however, was Jo Candy, and he would not go at all.
No promises could tempt him, nor could threats move him. He said he
must remain at home to harvest his crop of jackson-balls, lemon-drops,
bonbons and chocolate-creams. Also he had large fields of crackerjack
and buttered pop corn to be mowed and threshed, and he was
determined not to disappoint the children of Oogaboo by going away to

conquer the world and so let the candy crop spoil.
Finding Jo Candy so obstinate, Queen Ann let him have his own way
and continued her journey to the house of the eighteenth and last man
in Oogaboo, who was a young fellow named Jo Files. This Files had
twelve trees which bore steel files of various sorts; but also he had nine
book-trees, on which grew a choice selection of story-books. In case
you have never seen books growing upon trees, I will explain that those
in Jo Files' orchard were enclosed in broad green husks which, when
fully ripe, turned to a deep red color. Then the books were picked and
husked and were ready to read. If they were picked too soon, the stories
were found to be confused and uninteresting and the spelling bad.
However, if allowed to ripen perfectly, the stories were fine reading
and the spelling and grammar excellent.
Files freely gave his books to all who wanted them, but the people of
Oogaboo cared little for books and so he had to read most of them
himself, before they spoiled. For, as you probably know, as soon as the
books were read the words disappeared and the leaves withered and
faded--which is the worst fault of all books which grow upon trees.
When Queen Ann spoke to this young man Files, who was both
intelligent and ambitious, he said he thought it would be great fun to
conquer the world. But he called her attention to the fact that he was far
superior to the other men of her army. Therefore, he would not be one
of her Generals or Colonels or Majors or Captains, but claimed the
honor of being sole Private.
Ann did not like this idea at all.
"I hate to have a Private Soldier in my army," she said; "they're so
common. I am told that Princess Ozma once had a private soldier, but
she made him her Captain-General, which is good evidence that the
private was unnecessary."
"Ozma's army doesn't fight," returned Files; "but your army must fight
like fury in order to conquer the world. I have read in my books that it
is always the private soldiers who do the fighting, for no officer is ever

brave enough to face the foe. Also, it stands to reason that your officers
must have some one to command and to issue their orders to; therefore
I'll be the one. I long to slash and slay the enemy and become a hero.
Then, when we return to Oogaboo, I'll take all the marbles away from
the children and melt them up and make a marble statue of myself for
all to look upon and admire."
Ann was much pleased with Private Files. He seemed indeed to be such
a warrior as she needed in her enterprise, and her hopes of success took
a sudden bound when Files told her he knew where a gun-tree grew and
would go there at once and pick the ripest and biggest musket the tree
bore.
Chapter Two
Out of Oogaboo
Three days later the Grand Army of Oogaboo assembled in the square
in front of the royal palace. The sixteen officers were attired in
gorgeous uniforms and carried sharp, glittering swords. The Private had
picked his gun and, although it was not a very big weapon, Files tried
to look