Three Men on the Bummel | Page 3

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This etext was prepared by David Price, email [email protected]
from the 1914 J. W. Arrowsmith edition.

THREE MEN ON THE BUMMEL
by Jerome K. Jerome
CHAPTER I

Three men need change--Anecdote showing evil result of deception--
Moral cowardice of George--Harris has ideas--Yarn of the Ancient
Mariner and the Inexperienced Yachtsman--A hearty crew--Danger of
sailing when the wind is off the land--Impossibility of sailing when the
wind is off the sea--The argumentativeness of Ethelbertha- -The
dampness of the river--Harris suggests a bicycle tour--George thinks of
the wind--Harris suggests the Black Forest--George thinks of the
hills--Plan adopted by Harris for ascent of hills-- Interruption by Mrs.
Harris.
"What we want," said Harris, "is a change."
At this moment the door opened, and Mrs. Harris put her head in to say
that Ethelbertha had sent her to remind me that we must not be late
getting home because of Clarence. Ethelbertha, I am inclined to think,
is unnecessarily nervous about the children. As a matter of fact, there
was nothing wrong with the child whatever. He had been out with his
aunt that morning; and if he looks wistfully at a pastrycook's window
she takes him inside and buys him cream buns and "maids-of-honour"
until he insists that he has had enough, and politely, but firmly, refuses
to eat another anything. Then, of course, he wants only one helping of
pudding at lunch, and Ethelbertha thinks he is sickening for something.

Mrs. Harris added that it would be as well for us to come upstairs soon,
on our own account also, as otherwise we should miss Muriel's
rendering of "The Mad Hatter's Tea Party," out of Alice in Wonderland.
Muriel is Harris's second, age eight: she is a bright, intelligent child;
but I prefer her myself in serious pieces. We said we would finish our
cigarettes and follow almost immediately; we also begged her not to let
Muriel begin until we arrived. She promised to hold the child back as
long as possible, and went. Harris, as soon as the door was closed,
resumed his interrupted sentence.
"You know what I mean," he said, "a complete change."
The question was how to get it.
George suggested "business." It was the sort of suggestion George
would make. A bachelor thinks a married woman doesn't know enough
to get out of the way of a steam-roller. I knew a young fellow once, an
engineer, who thought he would go to Vienna "on business." His wife
wanted to know "what business?" He told her it would be his duty to
visit the mines in the neighbourhood of the Austrian capital, and to
make reports. She said she would go with him; she was that sort of
woman. He tried to dissuade her: he told her that a mine was no place
for