The Yellowplush Papers | Page 7

being mersnary, fourteen shillings a wick was a LITTLE too
strong for two such rat-holes as he lived in. I do blieve the famly had
nothing else but their lodger to live on: they brekfisted off his
tea-leaves, they cut away pounds and pounds of meat from his jints (he
always dined at home), and his baker's bill was at least enough for six.
But that wasn't my business. I saw him grin, sometimes, when I laid
down the cold bif of a morning, to see how little was left of yesterday's
sirline; but he never said a syllabub: for true love don't mind a pound of
meat or so hextra.
At first, he was very kind and attentive to all the gals; Miss Betsy, in
partickler, grew mighty fond of him: they sat, for whole evenings,
playing cribbitch, he taking his pipe and glas, she her tea and muffing;
but as it was improper for her to come alone, she brought one of her
sisters, and this was genrally Mary,--for he made a pint of asking her,
too,--and one day, when one of the others came instead, he told her,
very quitely, that he hadn't invited her; and Miss Buckmaster was too
fond of muffings to try this game on again: besides, she was jealous of
her three grown sisters, and considered Mary as only a child. Law bless
us! how she used to ogle him, and quot bits of pottry, and play "Meet
Me by Moonlike," on an old gitter: she reglar flung herself at his head:
but he wouldn't have it, bein better ockypied elsewhere.
One night, as genteel as possible, he brought home tickets for
"Ashley's," and proposed to take the two young ladies--Miss Betsy and
Miss Mary, in course. I recklect he called me aside that afternoon,
assuming a solamon and misterus hare, "Charles," said he, "ARE YOU
UP TO SNUFF?"
"Why sir," said I, "I'm genrally considered tolerably downy."
"Well," says he, "I'll give you half a suffering if you can manage this

bisness for me; I've chose a rainy night on purpus. When the theatre is
over, you must be waitin with two umbrellows; give me one, and hold
the other over Miss Buckmaster: and, hark ye, sir, TURN TO THE
RIGHT when you leave the theater, and say the coach is ordered to
stand a little way up the street, in order to get rid of the crowd."
We went (in a fly hired by Mr. A.), and never shall I forgit Cartliche's
hacting on that memrable night. Talk of Kimble! talk of Magreedy!
Ashley's for my money, with Cartlitch in the principal part. But this is
nothink to the porpus. When the play was over, I was at the door with
the umbrellos. It was raining cats and dogs, sure enough.
Mr. Altamont came out presently, Miss Mary under his arm, and Miss
Betsy following behind, rayther sulky. "This way, sir," cries I, pushin
forward; and I threw a great cloak over Miss Betsy, fit to smother her.
Mr. A. and Miss Mary skipped on and was out of sight when Miss
Betsy's cloak was settled, you may be sure.
"They're only gone to the fly, miss. It's a little way up the street, away
from the crowd of carridges." And off we turned TO THE RIGHT, and
no mistake.
After marchin a little through the plash and mud, "Has anybody seen
Coxy's fly?" cries I, with the most innocent haxent in the world.
"Cox's fly!" hollows out one chap. "Is it the vaggin you want?" says
another. "I see the blackin wan pass," giggles out another gentlmn; and
there was such a hinterchange of compliments as you never heerd. I
pass them over though, because some of 'em were not wery genteel.
"Law, miss," said I, "what shall I do? My master will never forgive me;
and I haven't a single sixpence to pay a coach." Miss Betsy was just
going to call one when I said that; but the coachman wouldn't have it at
that price, he said, and I knew very well that SHE hadn't four or five
shillings to pay for a wehicle. So, in the midst of that tarin rain, at
midnight, we had to walk four miles, from Westminster Bridge to
Pentonwille; and what was wuss, I DIDN'T HAPPEN TO KNOW THE
WAY. A very nice walk it was, and no mistake.
At about half-past two, we got safe to John Street. My master was at
the garden gate. Miss Mary flew into Miss Betsy's arms, while master
begun cussin and swearing at me for disobeying his orders, and
TURNING TO THE RIGHT INSTEAD OF TO THE LEFT! Law bless
me! his hacting of hanger was very near as natral and as terrybl as Mr.

Cartlich's in