The Works of Samuel Johnson in Nine Volumes | Page 6

some
circumstances, and the exaggeration of others, to make merriment
supply the place of demonstration; nor was I so senseless as to offer
arguments to such as could not attend to them, and with whom a
repartee or catch would more effectually answer the same purpose. This
being effected, there remained only "the dread of the world:" but
Roxana soared too high, to think the opinion of others worthy her
notice; Lætitia seemed to think of it only to declare, that "if all her hairs
were worlds," she should reckon them "well lost for love;" and
Pastorella fondly conceived, that she could dwell for ever by the side of
a bubbling fountain, content with her swain and fleecy care; without
considering that stillness and solitude can afford satisfaction only to
innocence.
It is not the desire of new acquisitions, but the glory of conquests, that
fires the soldier's breast; as indeed the town is seldom worth much,
when it has suffered the devastations of a siege; so that though I did not
openly declare the effects of my own prowess, which is forbidden by
the laws of honour, it cannot be supposed that I was very solicitous to
bury my reputation, or to hinder accidental discoveries. To have gained
one victory, is an inducement to hazard a second engagement: and
though the success of the general should be a reason for increasing the

strength of the fortification, it becomes, with many, a pretence for an
immediate surrender, under the notion that no power is able to
withstand so formidable an adversary; while others brave the danger,
and think it mean to surrender, and dastardly to fly. Melissa, indeed,
knew better; and though she could not boast the apathy, steadiness, and
inflexibility of a Cato, wanted not the more prudent virtue of Scipio,
and gained the victory by declining the contest.
You must not, however, imagine, that I was, during this state of
abandoned libertinism, so fully convinced of the fitness of my own
conduct, as to be free from uneasiness. I knew very well, that I might
justly be deemed the pest of society, and that such proceedings must
terminate in the destruction of my health and fortune; but to admit
thoughts of this kind was to live upon the rack: I fled, therefore, to the
regions of mirth and jollity, as they are called, and endeavoured with
Burgundy, and a continual rotation of company, to free myself from the
pangs of reflection. From these orgies we frequently sallied forth in
quest of adventures, to the no small terrour and consternation of all the
sober stragglers that came in our way: and though we never injured,
like our illustrious progenitors, the Mohocks, either life or limbs; yet
we have in the midst of Covent Garden buried a tailor, who had been
troublesome to some of our fine gentlemen, beneath a heap of
cabbage-leaves and stalks, with this conceit,
Satia te caule quem semper cupisti.
Glut yourself with cabbage, of which you have always been greedy.
There can be no reason for mentioning the common exploits of
breaking windows and bruising the watch; unless it be to tell you of the
device of producing before the justice broken lanterns, which have been
paid for an hundred times; or their appearances with patches on their
heads, under pretence of being cut by the sword that was never drawn:
nor need I say any thing of the more formidable attack of sturdy
chairmen, armed with poles; by a slight stroke of which, the pride of
Ned Revel's face was at once laid flat, and that effected in an instant,
which its most mortal foe had for years assayed in vain. I shall pass
over the accidents that attended attempts to scale windows, and
endeavours to dislodge signs from their hooks: there are many

"hair-breadth 'scapes," besides those in the "imminent deadly breach;"
but the rake's life, though it be equally hazardous with that of the
soldier, is neither accompanied with present honour nor with pleasing
retrospect; such is, and such ought to be, the difference between the
enemy and the preserver of his country.
Amidst such giddy and thoughtless extravagance, it will not seem
strange, that I was often the dupe of coarse flattery. When Mons.
L'Allonge assured me, that I thrust quart over arm better than any man
in England, what could I less than present him with a sword that cost
me thirty pieces? I was bound for a hundred pounds for Tom Trippet,
because he had declared that he would dance a minuet with any man in
the three kingdoms except myself. But I often parted with money
against my inclination, either because I wanted the resolution to refuse,
or dreaded the appellation of a niggardly fellow; and I may be truly