The Works of John Dryden | Page 8

better cheat. The fulsome Covenant, one would think in reason, Had given us all our bellies full of treason; And yet, the name but changed, our nasty nation Chews its own excrements, the Association[1]. 'Tis true, we have not learned their poisoning way, For that's a mode but newly come in play; Resides, your drug's uncertain to prevail, But your true protestant can never fail With that compendious instrument, a flail[2]. Go on, and bite, even though the hook lies bare; Twice in one age expel the lawful heir; Once more decide religion by the sword, And purchase for us a new tyrant lord. Pray for your king, but yet your purses spare; Make him not two-pence richer by your prayer. To show you love him much, chastise him more, And make him very great, and very poor. Push him to wars, but still no peace advance; Let him lose England, to recover France. Cry freedom up, with popular noisy votes, And get enough to cut each other's throats. Lop all the rights that fence your monarch's throne; For fear of too much power, pray leave him none. A noise was made of arbitrary sway; But, in revenge, you whigs have found a way An arbitrary duty now to pay. Let his own servants turn to save their stake, Glean from his plenty, and his wants forsake; But let some Judas near his person stay, To swallow the last sop, and then betray. Make London independent of the crown; A realm apart; the kingdom of the town. Let ignoramus juries find no traitors[3], And ignoramus poets scribble satires. And, that your meaning none may fail to scan, Do what in coffee-houses you began,-- Pull down the master, and set up the man.
Footnotes: 1. The association proposed in parliament was, by the royalists, said to be, a revival of the Solemn League and Covenant. But the draught of an association, found in Lord Shaftesbury's cabinet, and produced on his trial, in which that memorable engagement seems to be pretty closely copied, was probably what our poet alludes to.
2. The protestant flail was a kind of bludgeon, so jointed as to fold together, and lie concealed in the pocket. They are supposed to have been invented to arm the insurgents about this period. In the trial of Braddon and Spoke for a misdemeanor, the recorder offered to prove, that Braddon had bragged, that "he was the only inventor of the protestant flails; an instrument you have heard of, gentlemen, and for what use designed." This circumstance was not omitted by Jefferies, in his characteristic address to the prisoner. "But oh what a happiness it was for this sort of people, that they had got Mr Braddon, an honest man and a man of courage, says Mr Speke, a man a propos! and pray, says he to his friend, give him the best advice you can, for he is a man very fit for the purpose; and pray secure him under a sham name, for I'll undertake there are such designs upon pious Mr Braddon, such connivances to do him mischief, that, if he had not had his protestant flail about him, somebody or other would have knocked him on the head; and he is such a wonderful man, that all the king's courts must needs conspire to do Mr Braddon a mischief. A very pretty sort of man, upon my word, and he must be used accordingly." State Trials, Vol. III. p. 897. In one of the scarce medals struck by James II. Justice is represented weighing mural crowns, which preponderate against a naked sword, a serpent, and a protestant flail: on each side of the figure are a head and trunk, representing those of Argyle and Monmouth. An accurate description of this weapon occurs in the following passage from Roger North: "There was much recommendation of silk armour, and the prudence of being provided with it against the time protestants were to be massacred. And accordingly there were abundance of these silken backs, breasts, and pots (i.e. head-pieces), made and sold, that were pretended to be pistol proof; in which any man dressed up was as safe as in a house, for it was impossible any one could go to strike him for laughing. So ridiculous was the figure, as they say, of hogs in armour; an image of derision, insensible but to the view, as I have had it. This was armour of defence; but our sparks were not altogether so tame as to carry their provisions no farther, for truly they intended to be assailants upon fair occasion, and had for that end recommended also to them a certain pocket weapon, which, for its design and efficacy, had the honour to be called a protestant flail. It was for