The Works of John Dryden, Vol. II | Page 9

am empty before I can get out: and if I chance to spill the chamber-pot, it will overflow it from top to bottom.
[Footnote B: A kind of dungeon, so called from its construction.]
Bib. Well, for the description of the garret, I'll bate you something of the bill.
Lov. All, all, good Will; or, to stay thy fury till my rents come up, I will describe thy little face.
Bib. No, rather describe your own little money; I am sure that's so little it is not visible.
Lov. You are in the right, I have not a cross at present, as I am a sinner; an you will not believe me, I'll turn my pockets inside outward--Ha! What's the meaning of this? my pockets heavy! has my small officer put in counters to abuse me?--How now! yellow boys, by this good light? sirrah, varlet, how came I by this gold? Ha!
Boy. What gold do you mean, sir? the devil a piece you had this morning. In these last three weeks, I have almost forgot what my teeth were made for; last night good Mrs Bibber here took pity on me, and crumm'd me a mess of gruel with the children, and I popt and popt my spoon three or four times to my mouth, before I could find the way to't.
Lov. 'Tis strange, how I should come by so much money! [Aside.] Has there been nobody about my chamber this morning, landlady?
Boy. O yes, sir; I forgot to tell you that: This morning a strange fellow, as ever eyes beheld, would needs come up to you, when you were asleep; but when he came down again, he said, he had not waked you.
Lov. Sure this fellow, whoe'er he was, was sent by Fortune to mistake me into so much money.--Well, this is not the first time my necessities have been strangely supplied: some Cadua or other has a kindness for me, that's certain: [Aside.]--Well, Mons. Bibber, from henceforward I'll keep my wit for more refined spirits; you shall be paid with dirt;--there's money for you.
Bib. Nay, good sir.
Lov. What's your sum? tell it out: will the money burn your fingers? Sirrah, boy, fetch my suit with the gold-lace at sleeves, from tribulation.
[_Gives him gold. Exit Boy_.] Mr Taylor, I shall turn the better bill-man[A], and knock that little coxcomb of yours, if you do not answer me what I owe you.
[Footnote A: Alluding to the ancient weapon called the bill; a never-failing source of puns in old plays.]
Bib. Pray, sir, trouble not yourself; 'tis nothing; i'feck now 'tis not.
Lov. How nothing, sir?
Fran. An't, please your worship, it was seventeen pounds and a noble yesterday at noon, your worship knows: And then your worship came home ill last night, and complained of your worship's head; and I sent for three dishes of tea for your good worship, and that was six pence more, and please your worship's honour.
Lov. Well; there's eighteen pieces, tell 'em.
Bib. I say, Frances, do not take 'em.
_Lov_, What, is all your pleading of necessity come to this?
Bib. Now I see he will pay, he shall not pay. Frances, go home, and fetch him the whole bag of forty pounds; I'll lend it him, and the lease of the house too; he shall want for nothing.
Lov. Take the money, or I'll leave your house.
Bib. Nay, rather than displease his worship, take it. [She takes it.
Lov. So, so; go home quietly and suckle my godson, Frances. [Exit FRANCES.
Bib. If you are for the cellar, sir, you know the way. [Exit BIBBER.
Lov. No, my first visit shall be to my mistress, the Lady Constance Nonsuch. She's discreet, and how the devil she comes to love me, I know not; yet I am pretty confident she loves me. Well, no woman can be wiser, than you-know-what will give her leave to be.
_Enter Lady CONSTANCE, and Madam ISABELLA_.
Isa. Look, look; is not that your servant Loveby?
Lov. Tis she; there's no being seen, 'till I am better habited. [Exit LOVEBY.
Const. Let him go, and take no notice of him: Poor rogue! he little thinks I know his poverty.
Isa. And less, that you supply it by an unknown hand.
Const. Aye, and falsified my father's key to do it.
Isa. How can you answer this to your discretion?
Const. Who could see him want, she loves?
Enter SETSTONE.
Isa. O here's Mr Setstone come, your jeweller, madam.
Const. Welcome, Setstone; hast thou performed thy visit happily, and without discovery?
Set. As you would wish it, madam: I went up to his chamber without interruption; and there found him drowning his cares, and pacifying his hunger, with sleep; which advantage I took, and; undiscovered by him, left the gold divided in his pockets.
Const. Well, this money will furnish him, I hope, that we may have his company again.
Set. Two hundred and fifty good pounds, madam. Has