The Works of Francis Beaumont and John Fletcher, vol 2 | Page 9

to admire 'em, that speak the lisp of Court. Oh
'tis great Learning! to Ride well, Dance well, Sing well, or Whistle
Courtly, they're rare endowments; that they have seen far Countreys,
and can speak strange things, though they speak no truths, for then they
make things common. When are you marri'd?
Eust. To morrow, I think; we must have a Masque, Boys, and of our
own making.
Egre. 'Tis not half an hours work, a Cupid, and a Fiddle, and the thing's
done: but let's be handsome, shall's be Gods or Nymphs?
Eust. What, Nymphs with Beards?
Cow. That's true, we'll be Knights then; some wandring Knights, that
light here on a sudden.
Eust. Let's go, let's go, I must go visit, Gentlemen, and mark what
sweet lips I must kiss to morrow. [Exeunt.

ACTUS II. SCENA III.
Enter Cook, Andrew, Butler,

Cook. And how do's my Master?
And. He's at's Book; peace, Coxcomb, that such an unlearned tongue as
thine should ask for him!
Co. Do's he not study conjuring too?
And. Have you lost any Plate, Butler?
But. No, but I know I shall to morrow at dinner.
And. Then to morrow you shall be turn'd out of your place for't; we
meddle with no spirit o'th' Buttery, they taste too small for us; keep me
a Pie in Folio, I beseech thee, and thou shalt see how learnedly I'le
translate him. Shall's have good cheer to morrow?
Co. Excellent good cheer, Andrew.
And. The spight on't is, that much about that time, I shall be arguing, or
deciding rather, which are the Males or Females of Red Herrings, and
whether they be taken in the Red-Sea only; a question found out by
Copernicus, the learned Motion-maker.
Co. I marry, Butler, here are rare things; a man that look'd upon him,
would swear he understood no more than we do.
But. Certain, a learned Andrew.
And. I've so much on't, and am so loaden with strong understanding, I
fear, they'll run me mad. Here's a new Instrument, a Mathematical
Glister to purge the Moon with when she is laden with cold
phlegmatick humours; and here's another to remove the Stars, when
they grow too thick in the Firmament.
Co. O Heavens! why do I labour out my life in a Beef-pot? and only
search the secrets of a Sallad, and know no farther?
And. They are not reveal'd to all heads; these are far above your
Element of Fire, Cook. I could tell you of Archimedes Glass, to fire

your Coals with; and of the Philosophers Turf, that ne'er goes out: and,
Gilbert Butler, I could ravish thee with two rare inventions.
But. What are they, Andrew.
And. The one to blanch your Bread from chippings base, and in a
moment, as thou wouldst an Almond; the Sect of the Epicureans
invented that: The other for thy Trenchers, that's a strong one, to
cleanse you twenty dozen in a minute, and no noise heard, which is the
wonder, Gilbert; and this was out of Plato's new Ideas.
But. Why, what a learned Master do'st thou serve, Andrew?
And. These are but the scrapings of his understanding, Gilbert; with
gods and goddesses, and such strange people he deals, and treats with
in so plain a fashion, as thou do'st with thy Boy that draws thy drink, or
Ralph there, with his Kitchin-Boys and Scalders.
Co. But why should he not be familiar, and talk sometimes, as other
Christians do, of hearty matters, and come into the Kitchin, and there
cut his Breakfast?
But. And then retire to the Buttery, and there eat it, and drink a lusty
Bowl to my young Master, that must be now the Heir, he'll do all these,
I and be drunk too; these are mortal things.
And. My Master studies immortality.
Co. Now thou talk'st of immortality, how do's thy Wife, Andrew? my
old Master did you no small Pleasure when he procur'd her, and stock'd
you in a Farm. If he should love her now, as he hath a Colts tooth yet,
what says your learning and your strange Instruments to that, my
Andrew? Can any of your learned Clerks avoid it? can ye put by his
Mathematical Engine?
And. Yes, or I'le break it: thou awaken'st me, and I'le peep i'th' Moon
this month but I'le watch for him. My Master rings, I must go make him
a fire, and conjure o'er his Books.

Co. Adieu, good Andrew, and send thee manly patience with thy
learning. [Exeunt.

ACTUS II. SCENA IV.
Enter Charles.
Cha. I have forgot to eat and sleep with reading, and all my faculties
turn into study; 'tis meat and sleep; what need I outward garments,
when I can cloath my self with understanding? The Stars and glorious
Planets