The Wit and Humor of America, Volume IV | Page 4

grievously tormented
to do that devil a sore despight!"
"Odds boddikins," quoth the other friar, "me-seemeth that the booke
inciteth thee more than the devil."
"Thou speakest wrongly," cried the Friar Francis. "Thou mistakest
pious zeal for sinful selfishness. Full wroth am I to hear how that this
devil walketh to and fro, using a sweet and precious booke for the
temptation of holy men. Shall so righteous an instrument be employed
by the prince of heretics to so unrighteous an end?"
"Thou sayest wisely," quoth the Friar Gonsol, "and thy words convince
me that a battaile must be made with this devil for that booke. So now I
shall go to encounter the fiend!"
"Then by the saints I shall go with thee!" cried the Friar Francis, and he
gathered his gown about his loins right briskly.
But when the Friar Gonsol saw this he made great haste to go alone,
and he ran out of the door full swiftly and fared him where the devil
had appointed an appointment with him. Now wit you well that the
Friar Francis did follow close upon his heels, for though his legs were
not so long he was a mighty runner and he was right sound of wind.

Therefore was it a pleasant sight to see these holy men vying with one
another to do battle with the devil, and much it repenteth me that there
be some ribald heretics that maintain full enviously that these two
saintly friars did so run not for the devil that they might belabor him,
but for the booke that they might possess it.
It fortuned that the devil was already come to the place where he had
appointed the appointment, and in his hand he had the booke aforesaid.
Much marveled he when that he beheld the two friars faring thence.
"I adjure thee, thou devil," said the Friar Gonsol from afar off, "I adjure
thee give me that booke else I will take thee by thy horns and hoofs and
drub thy ribs together!"
"Heed him not, thou devil," said the Friar Francis, "for it is I that am
coming to wrestle with thee and to overcome thee for that booke!"
With such words and many more the two holy friars bore down upon
the devil; but the devil thinking verily that he was about to be beset by
the whole church militant stayed not for their coming, but presently
departed out of sight and bore the book with him.
Now many people at that time saw the devil fleeing before the two
friars, so that, esteeming it to be a sign of special grace, these people
did ever thereafter acknowledge the friars to be saints, and unto this day
you shall hear of St. Gonsol and St. Francis. Unto this day, too, doth
the devil, with that same booke wherewith he tempted the friar of old,
beset and ensnare men of every age and in all places. Against which
devil may Heaven fortify us to do battle speedily and with successful
issuance.

THE GRECO-TROJAN GAME
BY CHARLES F. JOHNSON
First on the ground appeared the god-like Trojan Eleven, Shining in
purple and black, with tight and well-fitting sweaters, Woven by

Andromache in the well-ordered palace of Priam. After them came, in
goodly array, the players of Hellas, Skilled in kicking and blocking and
tackling and fooling the umpire. All advanced on the field, marked off
with white alabaster, Level and square and true, at the ends two goal
posts erected, Richly adorned with silver and gold and carved at the
corners, Bearing a legend which read, "Don't talk back at the umpire"--
Rule first given by Zeus, for the guidance of voluble mortals. All the
rules of the game were deeply cut in the crossbars, So that the players
might know exactly how to evade them.
On one side of the field were ranged the Trojan spectators, Yelling in
composite language their ancient Phrygian war-cry; "Ho-hay-toe,
Tou-tais-ton, Ton-tain-to; Boomerah Boomerah, Trojans!" And on the
other, the Greeks, fair-haired, and ready to halloo, If occasion should
offer and Zeus should grant them a touch-down, "Breck-ek
kek-kek-koax, Anax andron, Agamemnon!"
First they agreed on an umpire, the silver-tongued Nestor. Long years
ago he played end-rush on the Argive eleven; He was admitted by all to
be an excellent umpire Save for the habit he had of making public
addresses, Tedious, long-winded and dull, and full of minute
explanations, How they used to play in the days when Cadmus was
half-back, Or how Hermes could dodge, and Ares and Phoebus could
tackle; Couched in rhythmical language but not one whit to the purpose.
On his white hair they carefully placed the sacred tiara, Worn by the
foot-ball umpires of old as a badge of their office,