The Wit and Humor of America, Volume IV

The Wit and Humor of America, Volume IV.?by Various

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Title: The Wit and Humor of America, Volume IV. (of X.)
Author: Various
Editor: Marshall P. Wilder
Release Date: July 7, 2006 [EBook #18776]
Language: English
Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
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Library Edition
THE WIT AND HUMOR OF AMERICA
In Ten Volumes
VOL. IV

[Illustration: JOEL CHANDLER HARRIS]

THE WIT AND HUMOR OF AMERICA
EDITED BY MARSHALL P. WILDER
Volume IV
Funk & Wagnalls Company New York and London
Copyright MDCCCCVII, BOBBS-MERRILL COMPANY Copyright MDCCCCXI, THE THWING COMPANY

CONTENTS
PAGE April Aria, An R.K. Munkittrick 711 "As Good as a Play" Horace E. Scudder 749 Autocrat of the Breakfast Table, The Oliver Wendell Holmes 753 Briefless Barrister, The John G. Saxe 585 Cable-Car Preacher, A Sam Walter Foss 647 C?sar's Quiet Lunch with Cicero James T. Fields 760 Cheer for the Consumer Nixon Waterman 740 Comin' Home Thanksgivin' James Ball Naylor 763 Complaint of Friends, A Gail Hamilton 604 Coupon Bonds, The J.T. Trowbridge 654 Crankidoxology Wallace Irwin 688 Desolation Tom Masson 686 Desperate Race, A J.F. Kelley 742 De Stove Pipe Hole William Henry Drummond 774 Economical Pair, The Carolyn Wells 602 Family Horse, The Frederick A. Cozzens 715 Girl from Mercury, The Herman Knickerbocker Viel�� 779 Grand Opera, The Billy Baxter 693 Greco-Trojan Game, The Charles F. Johnson 595 How to Know the Wild Animals Carolyn Wells 650 How We Bought a Sewin' Machine and Organ Josiah Allen's Wife 729 I Remember, I Remember Phoebe Cary 652 In a State of Sin Owen Wister 696 Loafer and the Squire, The Porte Crayon 767 Love Sonnets of a Husband, The Maurice Smiley 725 Meditations of a Mariner Wallace Irwin 713 Modern Advantage, A Charlotte Becker 642 Modern Eclogue, A Bliss Carman 645 My Honey, My Love Joel Chandler Harris 691 Ponchus Pilut James Whitcomb Riley 624 Praise-God Barebones Ellen Mackay Hutchinson Cortissoz 765 Raggedy Man, The James Whitcomb Riley 643 Shooting-Match, The A.B. Longstreet 666 Sonnet of the Lovable Lass and the Plethoric Dad J.W. Foley 723 Story of the Two Friars Eugene Field 588 Two Husbands, The Carolyn Wells 587 Two Pedestrians, The Carolyn Wells 603 Two Prisoners, The Carolyn Wells 641 Victory Tom Masson 714 Wolf at Susan's Door, The Anne Warner 626
COMPLETE INDEX AT THE END OF VOLUME X.

THE BRIEFLESS BARRISTER
A Ballad
BY JOHN G. SAXE
An attorney was taking a turn, In shabby habiliments drest; His coat it was shockingly worn, And the rust had invested his vest.
His breeches had suffered a breach, His linen and worsted were worse; He had scarce a whole crown in his hat, And not half a crown in his purse.
And thus as he wandered along, A cheerless and comfortless elf, He sought for relief in a song, Or complainingly talked to himself:--
"Unfortunate man that I am! I've never a client but grief: The case is, I've no case at all, And in brief, I've ne'er had a brief!
"I've waited and waited in vain, Expecting an 'opening' to find, Where an honest young lawyer might gain Some reward for toil of his mind.
"'Tis not that I'm wanting in law, Or lack an intelligent face, That others have cases to plead, While I have to plead for a case.
"O, how can a modest young man E'er hope for the smallest progression,-- The profession's already so full Of lawyers so full of profession!"
While thus he was strolling around, His eye accidentally fell On a very deep hole in the ground, And he sighed to himself, "It is well!"
To curb his emotions, he sat On the curbstone the space of a minute, Then cried, "Here's an opening at last!" And in less than a jiffy was in it!
Next morning twelve citizens came ('Twas the coroner bade them attend), To the end that it might be determined How the man had determined his end!
"The man was a lawyer, I hear," Quoth the foreman who sat on the corse. "A lawyer? Alas!" said another, "Undoubtedly died of remorse!"
A third said, "He knew the deceased, An attorney well versed in the laws, And as to the cause of his death, 'Twas no doubt for the want of a cause."
The jury decided at length, After solemnly weighing the matter, That the lawyer was drownded, because He could not keep his head above water!

THE TWO HUSBANDS
BY CAROLYN WELLS
Once on a Time there were Two Men, each of whom married the Woman of his Choice. One Man devoted all