The Way of the World | Page 5

niece to
Lady Wishfort, and loves Mirabell,--Mrs. Bracegirdle
MRS.
MARWOOD, friend to Mr. Fainall, and likes Mirabell,--Mrs. Barry
MRS. FAINALL, daughter to Lady Wishfort, and wife to Fainall,
formerly friend to Mirabell,--Mrs. Bowman
FOIBLE, woman to Lady
Wishfort,--Mrs. Willis
MINCING, woman to Mrs. Millamant,--Mrs.
Prince
DANCERS, FOOTMEN, ATTENDANTS.
SCENE: London.
The time equal to that of the presentation.

ACT I.--SCENE I.
A Chocolate-house.
MIRABELL and FAINALL rising from cards. BETTY waiting.
MIRA. You are a fortunate man, Mr. Fainall.
FAIN. Have we done?
MIRA. What you please. I'll play on to entertain you.
FAIN. No, I'll give you your revenge another time, when you are not so
indifferent; you are thinking of something else now, and play too
negligently: the coldness of a losing gamester lessens the pleasure of
the winner. I'd no more play with a man that slighted his ill fortune than
I'd make love to a woman who undervalued the loss of her reputation.
MIRA. You have a taste extremely delicate, and are for refining on
your pleasures.
FAIN. Prithee, why so reserved? Something has put you out of humour.
MIRA. Not at all: I happen to be grave to-day, and you are gay; that's
all.
FAIN. Confess, Millamant and you quarrelled last night, after I left you;
my fair cousin has some humours that would tempt the patience of a
Stoic. What, some coxcomb came in, and was well received by her,
while you were by?
MIRA. Witwoud and Petulant, and what was worse, her aunt, your
wife's mother, my evil genius--or to sum up all in her own name, my
old Lady Wishfort came in.
FAIN. Oh, there it is then: she has a lasting passion for you, and with
reason.--What, then my wife was there?
MIRA. Yes, and Mrs. Marwood and three or four more, whom I never

saw before; seeing me, they all put on their grave faces, whispered one
another, then complained aloud of the vapours, and after fell into a
profound silence.
FAIN. They had a mind to be rid of you.
MIRA. For which reason I resolved not to stir. At last the good old lady
broke through her painful taciturnity with an invective against long
visits. I would not have understood her, but Millamant joining in the
argument, I rose and with a constrained smile told her, I thought
nothing was so easy as to know when a visit began to be troublesome;
she reddened and I withdrew, without expecting her reply.
FAIN. You were to blame to resent what she spoke only in compliance
with her aunt.
MIRA. She is more mistress of herself than to be under the necessity of
such a resignation.
FAIN. What? though half her fortune depends upon her marrying with
my lady's approbation?
MIRA. I was then in such a humour, that I should have been better
pleased if she had been less discreet.
FAIN. Now I remember, I wonder not they were weary of you; last
night was one of their cabal-nights: they have 'em three times a week
and meet by turns at one another's apartments, where they come
together like the coroner's inquest, to sit upon the murdered reputations
of the week. You and I are excluded, and it was once proposed that all
the male sex should be excepted; but somebody moved that to avoid
scandal there might be one man of the community, upon which motion
Witwoud and Petulant were enrolled members.
MIRA. And who may have been the foundress of this sect? My Lady
Wishfort, I warrant, who publishes her detestation of mankind, and full
of the vigour of fifty-five, declares for a friend and ratafia; and let
posterity shift for itself, she'll breed no more.

FAIN. The discovery of your sham addresses to her, to conceal your
love to her niece, has provoked this separation. Had you dissembled
better, things might have continued in the state of nature.
MIRA. I did as much as man could, with any reasonable conscience; I
proceeded to the very last act of flattery with her, and was guilty of a
song in her commendation. Nay, I got a friend to put her into a
lampoon, and compliment her with the imputation of an affair with a
young fellow, which I carried so far, that I told her the malicious town
took notice that she was grown fat of a sudden; and when she lay in of
a dropsy, persuaded her she was reported to be in labour. The devil's
in't, if an old woman is to be flattered further, unless a man should
endeavour downright personally to debauch her: and that my virtue
forbade me. But for the discovery of this amour, I am indebted to your
friend, or your wife's friend, Mrs. Marwood.
FAIN. What should provoke her to be your enemy, unless she has made