The War of the Wenuses | Page 4

near I heard Lee-Bigge's voice:
"Keep back! keep back!"
A boy came running towards me.
"It's a-movin'," he said to me as he passed; "a-blowin' and a-blowin' out.
Now we shan't be long!" Passing on, I saw that it was indeed expanding.
The ribs were more distended and the covering more tightly stretched.
The hissing had ceased and a creaking noise had taken its place. There
was evidently great pressure within. Once something resembling an en
tout cas was thrust through the top, making what was presumably an
attempt to dislodge Lee-Bigge, and then suddenly the Crinoline burst,
revealing a wision of ultra-mundane loveliness.
I shall not attempt exhaustively to describe the indescribable. It is
enough to assure the sober reader that, grotesque and foolish as it may
seem, this is absolutely true, and to record that after the glimpse I had
of the Wenuses emerging from the Crinoline in which they had come to
the earth from their planet, a kind of fascination paralysed my actions.
All other men in the crowd seemed to be similarly affected. We were
battle-grounds of love and curiosity. For the Wenuses were gorgeous:
that is the sum of the matter.
Those who have never seen a living Wenus (there is a specimen in
fairly good spirits in the Natural History Museum) can scarcely
imagine the strange beauty of their appearance. The peculiar W-shaped

mouth, the incessant nictitation of the sinister eyelid, the naughty little
twinkle in the eye itself, the glistening glory of the arms, each
terminating in a fleshy digitated Handling Machine resembling more
than anything else a Number 6 glove inflated with air (these members,
by the way, have since been named rather aptly by that distinguished
anatomist and original dog, Professor Howes, the hands)--all combined
to produce an effect akin to stupefaction. I stood there ecstatic,
unprogressive, immoderate; while swiftly and surely ungovernable
affection for all Wenuses gripped me.
Meanwhile I heard inarticulate exclamations on all sides.
"Shameless hussies!" cried a woman near me.
"By Jove, that's something like!" said a young man who had been
reading Captain Coe's finals, swinging round towards the Crinoline,
with one foot arrested in mid-air.
My inclination when I recovered partial self-possession was to make
instantly for the Crinoline and avow my devotion and allegiance, but at
that moment I caught the eye of my wife, who had followed me to the
Park, and I hastily turned my back on the centre of attraction. I saw,
however, that Pendriver was using his spade to cleave his way to the
Wenuses; and Swears was standing on the brink of the pit transfixed
with adoration; while a young shopman from Woking, in town for the
day, completely lost his head. It came bobbing over the grass to my
very feet; but I remembered the experiences of Pollock and the Porroh
man and let it go.
The news of our visitors seemed to have spread by some subtle magic,
for in every direction I could see nothing but running men, some with
women pulling at their sleeves and coat-tails to detain them, advancing
by great strides towards us. Even a policeman was among them,
rubbing his eyes. My wife broke through the crowd and grasped me
firmly by the arm.
"Pozzy," she said, "this is my opportunity and I mean to use it. I was
kept doing nothing between pages 68 and 296 of the other book, and

this time I mean to work. Look at these fools rushing to their doom. In
another moment they will be mashed, mashed to jelly; and you too,
unless I prevent it. I know what these Wenuses are. Haven't I had a
scientific training? You will be mashed, I tell you--mashed!"
So saying she banged on the ground with her umbrella, which, I
remember now with sorrow, we had bought the week before at Derry
and Toms' for five-and-eleven-three.
Meanwhile a few of the men had to some extent recovered, and headed
by the R.S.P.C.A. Secretary had formed a deputation, and were busy
talking on their fingers to the Wenuses. But the Wenuses were too
much occupied in dropping into each other's eyes something from a
bright flask, which I took to be Beggarstaffs' Elect Belladonna, to heed
them.
I turned in response to a tug at my swallow-tails from my wife, and
when I looked again a row of Wenuses with closed lids stood before the
Crinoline. Suddenly they opened their eyes and flashed them on the
men before them. The effect was instantaneous. The deputation, as the
glance touched them, fell like skittles--viscous, protoplasmic masses,
victims of the terrible Mash-Glance of the Wenuses.
I attributed my own escape to the prompt action of my wife, who stood
before and shielded me, for upon women the Mash-Glance had no
effect. The