The Voyage of Captain Popanilla | Page 9

seized all opportunities of
assisting the spread of knowledge. The voices of lecturing boys
resounded in every part of the island. Their tones were so shrill, their
manners so presuming, their knowledge so crude, and their general
demeanour so completely unamiable, that it was impossible to hear
them without delight, advantage, and admiration.

The women were not now the only sufferers and the only complainants.
Dinned to death, the men looked gloomy; and even the King, for the
first time in his life, looked grave. Could this Babel, he thought, be that
empire of bliss, that delightful Fantaisie, where to be ruler only proved
that you were the most skilful in making others happy! His brow ached
under his light flowery crown, as if it were bound by the barbarous
circle of a tyrant, heavy with gems and gold. In his despair he had some
thoughts of leaving his kingdom and betaking himself to the mermaids.
The determination of the most precious portion of his subjects saved
his empire. As the disciples of the new school were daily demanding,
'What is the use of dancing? what is the use of drinking wine? what is
the use of smelling flowers?' the women, like prescient politicians,
began to entertain a nervous suspicion that in time these sages might
even presume to question the utility of that homage which, in spite of
the Grecian Philosophers and the British Essayists, we have been in the
habit of conceding to them ever since Eden; and they rushed again to
the King like frightened deer. Something now was to be done; and the
monarch, with an expression of countenance which almost amounted to
energy, whispered consolation.
The King sent for Popanilla; the message produced a great sensation;
the enlightened introducer of the new principles had not been at Court
since he was cut. No doubt his Majesty was at last impregnated with
the liberal spirit of the age; and Popanilla was assuredly to be Premier.
In fact, it must be so; he was 'sent for;' there was no precedent in
Fantaisie, though there might be in other islands, for a person being
'sent for' and not being Premier. His disciples were in high spirits; the
world was now to be regulated upon right principles, and they were to
be installed into their right places.
'Illustrious Popanilla!' said the King, 'you once did me the honour of
making me a speech which, unfortunately for myself, I candidly
confess, I was then incapable of understanding; no wonder, as it was
the first I ever beard. I shall not, however, easily forget the effect which
it produced upon me. I have since considered it my duty, as a monarch,
to pay particular attention to your suggestions. I now understand them

with sufficient clearness to be fully convinced of their excellence, and
in future I intend to act upon them, without any exception or deviation.
To prove my sincerity, I have determined to commence the new system
at once; and as I think that, without some extension of our international
relations, the commercial interest of this island will be incapable of
furnishing the taxes which I intend to levy, I have determined, therefore,
to fit out an expedition for the purpose of discovering new islands and
forming relations with new islanders. It is but due to your merit that
you should be appointed to the command of it; and further to testify my
infinite esteem for your character, and my complete confidence in your
abilities, I make you post-captain on the spot. As the axiom of your
school seems to be that everything can be made perfect at once, without
time, without experience, without practice, and without preparation, I
have no doubt, with the aid of a treatise or two, You will make a
consummate naval commander, although you have never been at sea in
the whole course of your life. Farewell, Captain Popanilla!'
No sooner was this adieu uttered than four brawny lords of the
bed-chamber seized the Turgot of Fantaisie by the shoulders, and
carried him with inconceivable rapidity to the shore. His pupils, who
would have fled to his rescue, were stifled with the embraces of their
former partners, and their utilitarianism dissolved in the arms of those
they once so rudely rejected. As for their tutor, he was thrust into one
of the canoes, with some fresh water, bread-fruit, dried fish, and a
basket of alligator-pears. A band of mermaids carried the canoe with
exquisite management through the shallows and over the breakers, and
poor Popanilla in a few minutes found himself out at sea.
Tremendously frightened, he offered to recant all his opinions, and
denounce as traitors any individuals whom the Court might select. But
his former companions did not exactly detect the utility of his return.