The Turkish Jester | Page 7

sooner had he said these words than every one cried out, 'Upon you, you Jew rascal,' and, rushing upon him, they broke his head and kicked him out of the tribunal, and the Cogia was sent home to his house in triumph, not only with the altoons but the pelisse and the mule beside.
One day Cogia Efendi went to a bridal festival. The master of the feast observing his old and wretched garments, paid him no consideration whatever. The Cogia saw that he had no chance of notice; so going out he hurried to his house, and putting on a splendid pelisse, returned to the place of festival. No sooner did he enter the door than the master advanced to meet him, and saying, 'Welcome, Cogia Efendi,' with all imaginable honour and reverence placed him at the head of the table, and said, 'Please to eat, Lord {p:272} Cogia.' Forthwith the Cogia taking hold of one of the furs of his pelisse, said, 'Welcome, my pelisse, please to eat, my lord.' The master looking at the Cogia with great surprise, said, 'What are you about?' Whereupon the Cogia replied, 'It is quite evident that all the honour paid is paid to my pelisse, so let it have some food too.'
Nasr Eddin Efendi going one day into a city, found the doctors of the law eating and drinking; no sooner did they see the Cogia than they showed him great honour, and brought him food. It happened that that year was a year of famine, and the Cogia whilst eating and drinking, said to himself, 'No doubt this city must be one in which provisions are very cheap,' and asked a man who was by him whether it were not so. The man replied, 'Are you mad? this day is Beiram, every one according to his means cooks meat in his house and brings it forth, and on that account the food is plentiful.' 'Ah, my good man,' said the Cogia, 'I wish that every day was Beiram.'
One day Cogia Efendi led a cow to the market for sale; backwards and forwards he led it, but was unable to sell it; presently a man advancing to the Cogia, said, 'Why do you hold this cow in your hand without selling it?' Said the Cogia, 'I have led it about since the morning, and notwithstanding all the fine things that I {p:273} have said about it I have been unable to sell it.' The individual taking the cow from the Cogia's hand, began to walk it about, exclaiming, 'Who will buy a young girl six months gone with child?' Forthwith buyers followed at his heels, and a very considerable sum was offered. The Cogia, very much surprised, took the money for the cow, and went running to his house. The inspectors, however, coming, took away the Cogia's daughter, whereupon his wife said, 'O Cogia, do you stay a little. The inspecting matrons have been for the girl. I will now go to them, and will give the necessary character, so that they will take our daughter, being satisfied with what I say.' Quoth the Cogia Efendi, 'No, no, wife, do not open your mouth. I have now learnt various praises fitted for her. I will go and tell them. Do you see how they will be pleased with them.' So he went to the inspecting matrons, who, as soon as they saw him, said, 'O Cogia Efendi, what have you to do with us matrons? Get you gone, and let the girl's mother come.' Said the Cogia Efendi, 'It is not the duty of the girl's mother to give information with respect to any talents which the girl may possess. Whatever questions you may have to ask with respect to the talents we may have observed, do you ask of me.' Quoth the matrons, 'Let us hear you dilate a little on her talents.' 'Ladies,' said the Cogia, 'if the girl is not six months gone with child, she is my property.' The ladies on hearing this looked at each other, and getting up went away. Said the Cogia's {p:274} wife, 'O Cogia, why did you drive the matrons away by using such words to them?' 'Don't you fear, wife,' said the Cogia, 'if they go through the whole country they will not find a girl of this description; so let them go and come back. But to tell you the truth, if I had not praised the cow in this manner, I should have found no purchaser for her.'
One day Cogia Nasr Eddin Efendi, as he was winding the muslin of his turban, perceived that it was not long enough; he again tried all he could to bring it to a point, but in vain. The Cogia in great distress took