The Three Cutters | Page 9

of the tumbler in
the boy's face, "salt-water. Very well, sir,--very well!"
"It warn't me, sir," replied the boy, making up a piteous look.
"No, sir, but you said the cook was sober."
"He was not so very much disguised, sir," replied Jem.
"Oh! Very well--never mind. Mr Tomkins, in case I should forget it, do
me the favour to put the kettle of salt-water down in the report. The
scoundrel! I'm very sorry, gentlemen, but there's no means of having
any more gin-toddy. But never mind, we'll see to this to-morrow. Two
can play at this; and if I don't salt-water their grog, and make them
drink it too, I have been twenty years a first-lieutenant for nothing,
that's all. Good night, gentlemen; and," continued the lieutenant, in a
severe tone, "you'll keep a sharp look-out, Mr Smith-- do you hear,
sir?"
"Yes," drawled Smith, "but it's not my watch: it was my first watch:
and, just now, it struck one bell."
"You'll keep the middle watch, then, Mr Smith," said Mr Appleboy,
who was not a little put out; "and, Mr Tomkins, let me know as soon as
it's daylight. Boy, get my bed made. Salt-water, by all that's blue!
However, we'll see to that to-morrow morning."
Mr Appleboy then turned in; so did Mr Tomkins; and so did Mr Smith,
who had no idea of keeping the middle watch because the cook was
drunk and had filled up the kettle with salt-water. As for what happened
in ninety-three or ninety-four, I really would inform the reader if I
knew; but I am afraid that that most curious story is never to be handed
down to posterity.

The next morning Mr Tomkins, as usual, forgot to report the cook, the
jar of butter and the kettle of salt-water; and Mr Appleboy's wrath had
long been appeased before he remembered them. At daylight, the
lieutenant came on deck, having only slept away half of the sixteen,
and a taste of the seventeenth salt-water glass of gin-toddy. He rubbed
his grey eyes, that he might peer through the grey of the morning; the
fresh breeze blew about his grizzly locks, and cooled his rubicund nose.
The revenue-cutter, whose name was the Active, cast off from the buoy,
and, with a fresh breeze, steered her course for the Needles' passage.
CHAPTER THREE.
CUTTER THE THIRD.
Reader! Have you been to Saint Malo? If you have, you were glad
enough to leave the hole; and if you have not, take my advice, and do
not give yourself the trouble to go and see that or any other French port
in the Channel. There is not one worth looking at. They have made one
or two artificial ports, and they are no great things; there is no getting
out or getting in. In fact, they have no harbours in the Channel, while
we have the finest in the world; a peculiar dispensation of Providence,
because it knew that we should want them, and France would not. In
France, what are called ports are all alike,--nasty, narrow holes, only to
be entered at certain times of tide and certain winds; made up of basins
and backwaters, custom-houses, and cabarets; just fit for smugglers to
run into, and nothing more; and, therefore they are used for very little
else.
Now, in the dog-hole called Saint Malo there is some pretty land,
although a great deficiency of marine scenery. But never mind that.
Stay at home, and don't go abroad to drink sour wine, because they call
it Bordeaux, and eat villainous trash, so disguised by cooking that you
cannot possibly tell which of the birds of the air, or beasts of the field,
or fishes of the sea, you are cramming down your throat. "If all is right,
there is no occasion for disguise," is an old saying; so depend upon it
that there is something wrong, and that you are eating offal, under a
grand French name. They eat everything in France, and would serve

you up the head of a monkey who has died of the smallpox, as singe a
la petite verole--that is, if you did not understand French; if you did,
they would call it, tete d'amour a l'Ethiopique, and then you would be
even more puzzled. As for their wine, there is no disguise in that; it's
half vinegar. No, no! Stay at home; you can live just as cheaply, if you
choose; and then you will have good meat, good vegetables, good ale,
good beer, and a good glass of grog; and, what is of more importance,
you will be in good company. Live with your friends, and don't make a
fool of yourself.
I would not have condescended to have noticed this place, had it not
been that I wish