The Theater (1720) | Page 9

Person or Circumstances of my Friend; but, upon Inquiry, I was set easy as to these Fears, tho' they would give me no Hint, by which I might guess at the Cause of their Disquietude. Finding them in a Disposition so unapt for Mirth, I took my Leave; judging, it could be no worse than some little domestick Misunderstanding, occasion'd, perhaps, by a disagreeable Command on the Side of the Husband, or some Contradiction on the Side of the Wife. But my Man, who is very intimate with all the Servants, has since let me into the Secret. It seems, there is a strange Union of Souls between these two Ladies; from what Affinity of Disposition, or mysterious Impulse, is a Secret only known to Nature and themselves. They love and hate alike; their Sympathies and Antipathies are the same; and all Joys are tasteless to the One, without the Company and Participation of the Other. Their Affection is of that tender, that delicate Nature, that the smallest Jealousie, the least Unkindness blasts it. It happen'd one Day, that Clarissa was more than commonly civil to her Husband: There was something past between them, that look'd like Fondness, and this in the Presence of _Drusilla_: Who can express the Passions that struggled in the Female Rival's Soul? Despair, Rage, Jealousie, and Anguish at once possess'd her; and it was now Time to retire to Sleep; the Lady with her Husband withdrew to Bed, and the jealous Friend likewise committed her self to her Pillow, tho' not to Rest. Her Soul was busied with the bitter Reflexion of what had past, and what further Endearments might be practis'd. Unable to compose her self, she resolves to rise, and pretends Sickness: Clarissa is disturbed from the Embraces of her Husband; nor is suffer'd to go back to the Bed of Wedlock, till she has promis'd her disgusted Friend, by a forc'd Indifference to restrain the Liberties of the inamour'd Gellius.
The learned Times, I find, were not unacquainted with these _Female Intimacies_: And by the Names they affix'd to the Persons practising them, which I shall forbear to mention, 'tis plain they put none of the best Constructions on their Familiarities.
Plato, I remember, offers at a Reason in Nature for such Conversations. He tells us, that at first Mankind were made with Two Heads, Four Arms, Four Legs, and so every Way double: that of these, there were three Sorts; some, double Men; some, double Women; and some Hermaphrodites. Jupiter, upon an Offence committed, split them all into _Two's_; from whence arises in Mankind that Desire of a Companion, as his other half to perfect his Being. The Consequence of this Division was, that they, who in their original State were double Men, are still fond of the _Ganymede's_ with smooth Chins; and they, who were at first double Women, are at this Day enamoured of their own Sex, and Platonicks as to any Commerce with Ours.
I have heard so much to the Disadvantage of these _Inamorata's_, that I consider a Man, who is link'd to such a Wife, in the State of the Lover and his Two Mistresses in the Fable. The one, who was a little turned in Years, pulled out all his black Hairs, to make him look nearer to her Standing: and the other, who was in her Bloom, pick'd out all the grey ones, that the World might not suspect she had an Old Man; 'till between them, they made him as bald as Father Time himself.
I shall conclude with the Story of an unfortunate Gentleman, who had suffer'd heavily in this Way, and went abroad to avoid his Slavery. As he was travelling from Madrid to Valladolid, he found himself belated, and wanted to take up his Night's Quarters in some middle Place. He was informed, the nearest Way would bring him to a small Village, call'd _Douegnas_; which with us would be the Village of Governesses. But is there no other Place, said he, _within some reasonable Distance, either short of, or beyond it_? They told him, No, unless it were at a Gallows. _Nay, there shall be my Quarters then_, said he, _I am resolved; for a Thousand_ Gibbets are not so bad to me as One Douegna.
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Printed for W. BOREHAM, at the Angel in _Pater-Noster-Row_, where Advertisements and Letters from Correspondents are taken in.

Numb. XXI.
THE
THEATRE.
By Sir JOHN FALSTAFFE.
To be Continued every Tuesday and Saturday.
Price Two-pence.
[Greek: Kronid��s phrenas exeleto Zeus].
Homer.
Tuesday, _April 26. 1720._
The Writer who attempts either to divert, or instruct the Town, has, perhaps, a worse Chance of succeeding now, than in any Age before. The Conversation of the World is changed, Gaiety and Mirth are banished from Society, and the buisy Affair of Avarice has taken up the Thoughts