The Theater (1720) | Page 9

surest Step is to sow
Dissention, and strengthen their own Interest, by alienating the
Affections of the Wife from her Husband; whose Bread they are eating

at the same Time, that they are undermining his Quiet in the nearest
Concerns of Life.
Making a Visit the other Day to my Friend Gellius, who happened to be
abroad, I found the Partner of his Bosom Clarissa, and her eternal
Companion Drusilla, all in Tears. I was not received with that open
Familiarity, which was used to be shewn me; and I observed something
in them of that kind of Reserve, which is common with People who are
under some great Affliction. I at first apprehended, that some fatal
Accident had happen'd to the Person or Circumstances of my Friend;
but, upon Inquiry, I was set easy as to these Fears, tho' they would give
me no Hint, by which I might guess at the Cause of their Disquietude.
Finding them in a Disposition so unapt for Mirth, I took my Leave;
judging, it could be no worse than some little domestick
Misunderstanding, occasion'd, perhaps, by a disagreeable Command on
the Side of the Husband, or some Contradiction on the Side of the Wife.
But my Man, who is very intimate with all the Servants, has since let
me into the Secret. It seems, there is a strange Union of Souls between
these two Ladies; from what Affinity of Disposition, or mysterious
Impulse, is a Secret only known to Nature and themselves. They love
and hate alike; their Sympathies and Antipathies are the same; and all
Joys are tasteless to the One, without the Company and Participation of
the Other. Their Affection is of that tender, that delicate Nature, that the
smallest Jealousie, the least Unkindness blasts it. It happen'd one Day,
that Clarissa was more than commonly civil to her Husband: There
was something past between them, that look'd like Fondness, and this
in the Presence of _Drusilla_: Who can express the Passions that
struggled in the Female Rival's Soul? Despair, Rage, Jealousie, and
Anguish at once possess'd her; and it was now Time to retire to Sleep;
the Lady with her Husband withdrew to Bed, and the jealous Friend
likewise committed her self to her Pillow, tho' not to Rest. Her Soul
was busied with the bitter Reflexion of what had past, and what further
Endearments might be practis'd. Unable to compose her self, she
resolves to rise, and pretends Sickness: Clarissa is disturbed from the
Embraces of her Husband; nor is suffer'd to go back to the Bed of
Wedlock, till she has promis'd her disgusted Friend, by a forc'd
Indifference to restrain the Liberties of the inamour'd Gellius.

The learned Times, I find, were not unacquainted with these _Female
Intimacies_: And by the Names they affix'd to the Persons practising
them, which I shall forbear to mention, 'tis plain they put none of the
best Constructions on their Familiarities.
Plato, I remember, offers at a Reason in Nature for such Conversations.
He tells us, that at first Mankind were made with Two Heads, Four
Arms, Four Legs, and so every Way double: that of these, there were
three Sorts; some, double Men; some, double Women; and some
Hermaphrodites. Jupiter, upon an Offence committed, split them all
into _Two's_; from whence arises in Mankind that Desire of a
Companion, as his other half to perfect his Being. The Consequence of
this Division was, that they, who in their original State were double
Men, are still fond of the _Ganymede's_ with smooth Chins; and they,
who were at first double Women, are at this Day enamoured of their
own Sex, and Platonicks as to any Commerce with Ours.
I have heard so much to the Disadvantage of these _Inamorata's_, that I
consider a Man, who is link'd to such a Wife, in the State of the Lover
and his Two Mistresses in the Fable. The one, who was a little turned in
Years, pulled out all his black Hairs, to make him look nearer to her
Standing: and the other, who was in her Bloom, pick'd out all the grey
ones, that the World might not suspect she had an Old Man; 'till
between them, they made him as bald as Father Time himself.
I shall conclude with the Story of an unfortunate Gentleman, who had
suffer'd heavily in this Way, and went abroad to avoid his Slavery. As
he was travelling from Madrid to Valladolid, he found himself belated,
and wanted to take up his Night's Quarters in some middle Place. He
was informed, the nearest Way would bring him to a small Village,
call'd _Douegnas_; which with us would be the Village of Governesses.
But is there no other Place, said he, _within some reasonable Distance,
either short of, or