The Sunny Side of Diplomatic Life, 1875-1912 | Page 5

bowl. The dining-room was
arranged as if it were a camp. There were no ornaments of any kind,
and we sat on little iron tent-chairs. You may imagine after we had
finished with the codfish that our appetites were on the wane, and we
felt that we had dined sumptuously, if monotonously, when, lo! our
genial host surprised us with an enormous turkey (reared on his own
estate), twenty-seven pounds in weight, with its usual accompaniments
of cranberry sauce, sweet-potatoes, and so forth. Mr. Blaine and Mr.
Bayard were fountains of wit.
Then another entertainment, a sort of mardi-gras maigre feast, was a
champagne tea given for us at the Capitol by Mr. Blaine. He had
invited a great many of the Senators and the Ministers, his wife, and
some other ladies. These mighty people talked politics and had
prodigious appetites. Sandwiches and cake disappeared in a hazy mist,
and they drank oceans of champagne. They took cocktails before,
during, and after! I amused myself--as I can't talk politics, and would

not if I could--by noticing the ingenuity and variety of the spittoons
placed about in convenient spots. The spittoons that tried to be pretty
were the most hideous. I liked best the simplicity of the large, open,
ready-to-receive ones filled with clean, dainty sand. There was no
humbug about them, no trying to be something else; whereas the others,
that pretended to be Etruscan vases or umbrella-stands or flower-pots,
were failures in my eyes. Why are they ashamed of themselves? Why
do they call themselves by the graceful name of "cuspidor"--suggestive
of castanets and Andalusian wiles? Why such foolish masquerading?
Spittoons will be spittoons--they risk not being recognized. I said as
much as this to Mr. Blaine. "You are right," he said, "to fight their
battles. Did you ever hear the story about the Western man who was
not accustomed to such artistic objects, and said in one of his spitting
moods, 'If you don't take that darned thing away I'll spit in it'?"
I forgot to tell you that the Emperor and Empress of Brazil are here
"doing" Washington--doing it so thoroughly that they have almost
overdone it. The Brazilian Minister is worn out. Every day he has a
dinner and an entertainment of some kind. The Emperor wants to see
everything and to know everybody. No institution is neglected, and all
the industries are looked into thoroughly. He goes to the Senate very
often and sits through the whole séance, wishing to understand
everything. He always tries to get hold of the people who can give him
the most information on any subject. Dom Pedro is most popular; one
sees him everywhere. At the ball at the English Minister's for their
Majesties, a gentleman presented to the Empress said, "Je suis le
Sénateur qui parle frangais." The Empress said to Johan, "I beg of you
to keep near me and talk to me so that the 'Senateur qui parle français'
may be discouraged in his pursuit."
PHILADELPHIA, 1876.
My dear Aunt,--Is your heart melted with pity, or does it burst with
national pride, and do you disregard such trifles as heat and exhaustion?
I told you in my last letter that the diplomats were invited en bloc (at
the country's expense) to be present at the opening of the Centennial
Exposition. The country provided good rooms for us at this hotel,

where we are invited to spend two days: one of those days was the day
before yesterday, and I think that the other will be enough for me, for
anything more awful than the heat at the present moment cannot well
be conceived. It is as if Philadelphia had said to its friends, "You
provide the exposition, and we'll provide the heat." There were
carriages placed at our disposal for the opening, and we drove out to
the grounds in great style. We were welcomed at the entrance by some
officials and ushered to our seats on the red-hot platform draped with
flags. President Grant then entered, accompanied by all his Ministers.
After the opening speech by the President all the church-bells in the
city began ringing, cannons were fired, the orchestra burst forth with
national hymns--"Star-spangled Banner" and "Hail, Columbia." People
waved handkerchiefs, and the display of patriotism was overpowering.
In coming out, after the President had left the tribune, the crowd filled
in after him, and we had to fight our way out as best we could.
[Illustration: DOM PEDRO Emperor of Brazil.]
The heat, which no thermometer could register--and there was no shade
for the thermometer to register in--and the crowd were something
fearful. People were almost crushed to death, and those who did the
most crushing were the fat policemen, who stood in every one's way
and on every one's toes and barred the