The Statesmen Snowbound | Page 9

long, though, before I began to feel that I was the object of
very earnest scrutiny on the part of an individual or individuals nearby.
Turning suddenly, I met the basilisk gaze of Pearl and Ruby. Their
dreadful remark came to me with crushing force. They had begun, as
they coarsely put it, 'to pick up something.' Lobster-like, finding myself
in hot water, I turned several beautiful shades of red immediately. I
became terror-stricken--I, the dignified Professor of Applied Science at
Jay College, Kentucky! All my innate modesty began to assert itself;
and is not this the surest protection of the innocent? I arose and fled.

"Unfortunately, while retreating, I looked back, simply to see how the
shameless creatures were affected by my departure. Oh, fatal curiosity!
They must have considered my backward glance an invitation to follow,
for they did so with alacrity. That accursed backward glance! Lot's
wife--you know the story.
"However, I saw that I was in for it, so just before reaching the steps
leading to the bar, I resolutely faced my pursuers and stood at bay.
They bore down upon me like ships that pass--no, I won't say that.
"'You sweet thing,' chirped Ruby, 'it knew how thirsty we were, didn't
it? I don't care if it isn't the youngest baby at the christening, it's just all
skeeky; so there!' This speech was delivered in gentle tones, but loud
enough to be heard by several bystanders, who snickered disagreeably.
"'Yes, popper,' joined in Pearl warmly, 'do buy us a drink.'
"'Yes, popper!' I could have slapped her! Heavens! Did I look as old as
that? I was aghast, for I have always prided myself upon my youthful
appearance.
"'If you call me "popper" again,' said I in a savage undertone, 'I will
throw you overboard! Do you hear? How dare you speak to me anyway?
I have a great mind to call an officer! Come now, girls,' I added in a
milder strain, aware of the helplessness of the situation, 'let's go below;
and keep quiet, do. I will buy the drinks.'
"Then in sheer self-defense I ordered beer, then more beer, then
cocktails, then I don't know what--Pearl asked the waiter to bring it--a
queer greenish-yellow stuff which quickly overpowered me. When the
vile mixture had gotten in its handiwork the Jewels seemed highly
satisfied, and laughed gleefully. A few moments later I was introduced
to a 'gentleman friend' of theirs whom they fished out of the crowd. He
was a flashily dressed youth who insisted upon another drink--and
another--at my expense. After that I have a faint recollection of getting
off the boat upon its return to Washington, and of being hustled into a
night-liner, the Jewels and their pal nobly standing by me. We jogged
along for miles, Ruby singing at the top of her voice and the gentleman

friend joining in at the chorus. Pearl's head was bent over, wobbly
fashion. She was either asleep, or lost in deep thought. I have also a
dim recollection of the vehicle coming to an abrupt halt, and a head
thrust in at the window, saying pointedly that if we did not make less
noise he would run the whole blanketty-blank gang in. This made me
mad, and I wanted to fight the stranger then and there; but my warlike
purpose was frustrated by the Jewels and their friend, who flung
themselves upon me, wisely detaining me. The end of our journey was
reached soon afterwards and our little party rolled out.
"I was then dragged up an apparently endless flight of steps, and into
the vestibule of a large old-fashioned house, once the stately residence
of a famous man, but now given over to the undesirable class of
persons into whose clutches I had fallen. An aged negress tugged at an
immense paneled door, and let us into a wide hall, at the end of which a
lamp burned feebly. Then we struggled up more stairs, and after many
turnings drew up before a shabbily furnished room. Into this I was
rudely pushed, and the door closed and locked upon me. I rocked about
in the darkness, grabbed the bed as it swung around for the third time,
got a strangle hold, and went right to sleep. From this I was awakened
some hours later by voices in the hall just outside. The transom over the
door was open, so I could hear pretty well all that was said.
"'That's a good sort of haul you made to-night--nit!' growled a deep
bass. 'Ain't you afraid you'll get into trouble? That fellow in there is
Colonel Manysnifters. You've all heard of him--haven't yer? Why, he is
the biggest man in the House--a great swell--money to throw at the
birds; and he's been a throwin' it, hey?'