The Spirit of Contradiction | Page 4

you want, Lucas? I love my wife. She has no other pleasure than to do exactly the opposite of what I want. So I provide her with that small satisfaction.
Lucas: You do that if that's what you like. But don't worry, her humour is too settled for it to give her any satisfaction. So much for that, sir. As to your daughter, I'll be what help I can--but what do you intend to do?
Townly: Well, you see I've got to get my wife to agree--
Lucas: Well, it's not up to me. I've tried to revive your spirit, but you won't do anything against her.
Townly: Look, you're more imagination than I do. And more sense than philosophers--who haven't any, really.
Lucas: Wait, sir. There are peasants who are sharp about acquiring money--but my philosophy is to govern the world like a careful gardener. You for example, want to marry your daughter but you don't know to whom. But me, I've seen it all in my garden. As I tell Madam, trees benefit from the sun; plants from the shade. So you see if your daughter is ready to benefit from marriage, your wife will put her in a convent.
Townly: You've said it exactly. If my daughter wishes to get married she'd better not show it.
Lucas: Madam has already tried to worm it out of me. "But Lucas," she said to me, "what do you think of this marriage?" "I think nothing, Madam." "But my daughter, for her part--" "Nothing." "But my husband, for his part--" Silence. "And because they know I can't breathe when I'm contradicted, they hide it from me. But it won't work. And I have tricks for figuring out when I'm being contradicted. It's a blind alley." What a woman. Very well. Leave it to me to put everything right. She's coming.
Townly: I will wait for you in the arbor.
(Exit Townly)
Lucas: I'd be very much put out to leave the employ of that bourgeois. His bourgeois money shines forth more splendidly than the money of noblemen who have a great deal more.
Mrs. Townly: (entering) Have you just put yourself under the protection of my husband? He can tell me to keep you, but I am not going to obey him. Come quickly, give me the keys and then I will give you your wages.
Lucas: (in a whining tone) I am very upset about losing my situation with you.
(Then roaring) Ha! Ha! Ha!
Mrs. Townly: You are laughing, eh?
Lucas: (crying) It overwhelms me.
(Roaring) Ha, ha, ha!
Mrs. Townly: What are you getting at?
Lucas: Nothing, nothing, ha, ha, ha.
(Sadly) Here, Madam, I am giving you the keys.
Mrs. Townly: I know why you're laughing.
Lucas: Ha, ha, ha, ha. I can't hold myself in. How nice to be thrown out. I'm not afraid of you. Ha, ha. I laugh like a merry go round at what you have done. Ha, ha, ha. Quite frankly, this is something that I expected for a long time from your difficult temperament and I hope you are inexorable. I have said to myself, if Madam sees that I want to take my leave, she won't hear of it. If I ask for my wages, she'll let me fish for them rather than be of my opinion. Oh, it's much better if I anger her so she will throw me out.
Mrs. Townly: What! Who says I'm throwing you out?
Lucas: I have quarrelled with you, ha, ha, ha. I'm giving you back your keys willingly enough.
Mrs. Townly: Oh, I see. To get even you have decided to leave me without a gardener.
Lucas: That's precisely what I'm going to do.
Mrs. Townly: You can go when I have another.
Lucas: You can have three right away.
Mrs. Townly: Stay at least until tomorrow.
Lucas: Tomorrow you'll no longer be in the mood to throw me out. I want to quit today.
Mrs. Townly: No! It won't be said that I am your dupe. You wish to leave me and I do not wish you to leave.
Lucas: One cannot keep people against their will. And you are of such a disposition.
Mrs. Townly: Listen! Is my disposition really so horrible?
Lucas: More than I care to suffer.
Mrs. Townly: At bottom, I'm really no good?
Lucas: To be fair; I know that it isn't from malice that you torment the whole world--but your will is naturally contrary and never agrees with the will of any other person.
Mrs. Townly: You hold a strange opinion of me--for of all the women in the world, there isn't one who contradicts less than I do.
Lucas: There's nobody like you, it's true.
Mrs. Townly: I never contradict except for good reason. But I don't like being contradicted. For example, I'm angry with you for your obstinacy. Why do you obstinately hide from me that which I wish to know? Don't I know that you are the advisor, the