The Spirit of Contradiction | Page 7

do what I wish. And I had to appear not to like it for fear she'd change her mind.
Angelica: Once she gets an idea, action soon follows.
Townly: Yes, my darling daughter, the great wealth of Mr. Nelson is as pleasing to my wife as it is to myself. A rich merchant is a treasure for a girl like you who hasn't a romantic thought in her head. True, he's a bit rustic and crude, but he's open, honest.
Angelica: I pardon this crudeness in favor of his honesty.
Townly: Some say he lacks good qualities, but I find he has many. If only he could get away from the habit of saying things which have neither rhyme nor reason. He's a little too familiar, especially with women he's never met before.
(Enter Mr. Nelson sporting a large gold vest, huge cuffs, a big belly; his fingers are covered with rings)
Nelson: Hey, neighbour--well, well, your old lady says that--what didn't she say, that woman? Ha! There's your daughter. Well, well, when shall we get married, honey?
Angelica: I have no idea.
Townly: Not everything's ready yet.
Nelson: Ready, ready, I'm ready. Yes, yes, Angie, I give you my word. Take the biggest ring from my finger--it's yours.
Angelica: We aren't at the altar yet.
Townly: We have to consider.
Nelson: Let's consider, let's consider.
Angelica: We must take precautions.
Nelson: (grabbing her hand) Take, take.
Angelica: While you are deliberating it's better that I stay with my mother.
Townly: Go quickly. We haven't any time to lose.
Nelson: Time is pressing, yes. (squeezing her) Wait, wait, I want to see you again. It makes me feel good. Let's talk about any old thing. Tell me a story.
Angelica: What sort of story do you want me to tell you?
Nelson: Well, tell me, tell me--you're cute, sweety--tell me a little story--
Angelica: It's time that I should go--
Nelson: (still holding her by the arm) Ho, I want you to tell me-- Ah, I love you with all my heart--tell me a little love story.
Angelica: You love me, and I'm obliged to you for that. Story's over.
Nelson: Well, the story's over. Why did you tell me that story? Tell me instead--
Townly: (separating them) Oh, let her go. It really is important that her mother not see her with us.
Nelson: Go then. Go darling. Get ready to be my wife.
(Exit Angelica)
Townly: Let's discuss a little how we are going to manage my wife. For that's the difficulty in our little business.
Nelson: What's the problem?
Townly: Not really a problem, but--
Nelson: Because it's not a problem for me--
Townly: Do you have some expedient to--?
Nelson: Sure, sure. Leave that to me. Tell me, what are you going to do?
Townly: That's the problem, I tell you.
Nelson: You, you, you, are a poor planner. Nothing is so easy.
Townly: Instruct me then!
Nelson: Nothing is so easy. Now how do you intend to go about it?
Townly: That's what puzzles me.
Nelson: But, but, but, me too-- She's a terrible woman, your wife.
Townly: I see we're both too clever and cunning to figure out what to do. But, by luck, I have a gardener who has more clever ideas that anybody in the world. He should be a statesman. A real good head on his shoulders.
Nelson: I've got a good head, too. Have him here and we'll figure it out.
Townly: Here he is now.
(Enter Lucas)
Townly: Well, Lucas, have you been thinking about our business--have you considered what I said to you?
Lucas: Shh!
Townly: Shh?
Nelson: Shh!
Lucas: This gentleman here wishes to marry Miss Angelica, Angelica also, Madam does, you do, and so do I. So the matter's settled.
Nelson: See--it's settled.
Lucas: I say it's not settled. For from the moment she sees that we want it, too--she won't stand for it, not her!
Townly: That's the trouble.
Nelson: That's the trouble.
Lucas: Oh, I ask you if--
Townly: Certainly.
Nelson: What a question.
Lucas: I ask you then if she were unaware that we agree--
Nelson: That's a good idea.
Townly: Very good, Lucas.
Nelson: That's my advice.
Lucas: That's good advice. You must tell everybody so that your opinion's spread by rumor. For my part, I know that your wife's temper is like a whirligig that's always turning one way then another in the wind. Therefore, we must make the wind appear to blow from the West so she’ll blow to the East. Ah, there must be two winds blowing about Miss Angelica. Nelson on one side, and Young Richly on the other. We have only to say that it's Richly we want and she will force this gentleman on us just to cross us. That's my pronouncement.
Townly: That will tie it up.
Nelson: That's the trick. Here are a hundred pounds, Lucas.
Lucas: It's necessary to tie two knots to do the job right. For there remains the little matter of putting Madam in the mood to cross you.
Townly: Let's try to do it immediately--our lawyer has been called, the marriage contract