The Spinster Book | Page 2

understand than women, because they
are less emotional. It is emotion which complicates the personal
equation with radicals and quadratics, and life which proceeds upon
predestined lines soon becomes monotonous and loses its charm. The
involved x in the equation continually postpones the definite result,
which may often be surmised, but never achieved.
Still, there is little doubt as to the proper method, for some of the

radicals must necessarily appear in the result. Man's conceit is his
social foundation and when the vulnerable spot is once found in the
armour of Achilles, the overthrow of the strenuous Greek is near at
hand.
There is nothing in the world as harmless and as utterly joyous as man's
conceit. The woman who will not pander to it is ungracious indeed.
Man's interest in himself is purely altruistic and springs from an
unselfish desire to please. He values physical symmetry because one's
first impression of him is apt to be favourable. Manly accomplishments
and evidences of good breeding are desirable for the same reason, and
he likes to think his way of doing things is the best, regardless of actual
effectiveness.
[Sidenote: Pencils]
For instance, there seems to be no good reason why a man's way of
sharpening a pencil is any better than a woman's. It is difficult to see
just why it is advisable to cover the thumb with powdered graphite, and
expose that useful member to possible amputation by a knife directed
uncompromisingly toward it, when the pencil might be pointed the
other way, the risk of amputation avoided, and the shavings and
pulverised graphite left safely to the action of gravitation and
centrifugal force. Yet the entire race of men refuse to see the true value
of the feminine method, and, indeed, any man would rather sharpen any
woman's pencil than see her do it herself.
[Sidenote: The "Supreme Conceit"]
It pleases a man very much to be told that he "knows the world," even
though his acquaintance be limited to the flesh and the devil--a
gentleman, by the way, who is much misunderstood and whose faults
are persistently exaggerated. But man's supreme conceit is in regard to
his personal appearance. Let a single entry in a laboratory note-book
suffice for proof.
_Time, evening. MAN is reading a story in a current magazine to the

GIRL he is calling upon._
MAN. "Are you interested in this?"
GIRL. "Certainly, but I can think of other things too, can't I?"
MAN. "That depends on the 'other things.' What are they?"
GIRL. (Calmly.) "I was just thinking that you are an extremely
handsome man, but of course you know that."
MAN. (Crimsoning to his temples.) "You flatter me!" (_Resumes
reading._)
Girl. (Awaits developments.)
MAN. (After a little.) "I didn't know you thought I was good-looking."
GIRL. (Demurely.) "Didn't you?"
MAN. (Clears his throat and continues the story.)
MAN. (After a few minutes.) "Did you ever hear anybody else say
that?"
GIRL. "Say what?"
MAN. "Why, that I was--that I was--well, good-looking, you know?"
GIRL. "Oh, yes! Lots of people!"
MAN. (After reading half a page.) "I don't think this is so very
interesting, do you?"
GIRL. "No, it isn't. It doesn't carry out the promise of its beginning."
MAN. (_Closes magazine and wanders aimlessly toward the mirror in
the mantel._)

MAN. "Which way do you like my hair; this way, or parted in the
middle?"
GIRL. "I don't know--this way, I guess. I've never seen it parted in the
middle."
MAN. (_Taking out pocket comb and rapidly parting his hair in the
middle._) "There! Which way do you like it?"
GIRL. (Judicially.) "I don't know. It's really a very hard question to
decide."
MAN. (Reminiscently.) "I've gone off my looks a good deal lately. I
used to be a lot better looking than I am now."
GIRL. (Softly.) "I'm glad I didn't know you then."
MAN. (In apparent astonishment.) "Why?"
GIRL. "Because I might not have been heart whole, as I am now."
(Long silence.)
MAN. (With sudden enthusiasm.) "I'll tell you, though, I really do look
well in evening dress."
GIRL. "I haven't a doubt of it, even though I've never seen you wear
it."
MAN. (After brief meditation.) "Let's go and hear Melba next week,
will you? I meant to ask you when I first came in, but we got to
reading."
GIRL. "I shall be charmed."
_Next day, GIRL gets a box of chocolates and a dozen American
Beauties--in February at that._
[Sidenote: Dimples and Dress Clothes]

Tell a man he has a dimple and he will say "where?" in pleased surprise,
meanwhile putting his finger straight into it. He has studied that dimple
in the mirror too many times to be unmindful of its geography.
Let the woman dearest to a man say, tenderly: "You were so handsome
to-night, dear--I was