The Sot-weed Factor | Page 3

Goal or Colledge,
You're welcome to my
certain Knowledge;
And if you please all Night to stay,
My Son
shall put you in the way."
Which offer I most kindly took,
And for a
Seat did round me look;
When presently amongst the rest,
He plac'd
his unknown _English_ Guest,
Who found them drinking for a whet,

A Cask of (h) Syder on the Fret,
Till Supper came upon the Table,

On which I fed whilst I was able.
So after hearty Entertainment,

Of Drink and Victuals without Payment;
For Planters Tables, you
must know,
Are free for all that come and go.
While (i) Pon and
Milk, with (k) Mush well stoar'd,
In Wooden Dishes grac'd the Board;

With (l) Homine and Syder-pap,
(Which scarce a hungry dog
wou'd lap)
Well stuff'd with Fat from Bacon fry'd,
Or with
_Mollossus_ dulcify'd.
Then out our Landlord pulls a Pouch,
As
greasy as the Leather Couch
On which he sat, and straight begun
To
load with Weed his _Indian_ Gun;
In length, scarce longer than one's
Finger.
His Pipe smoak'd out with aweful Grace,
With aspect grave
and solemn pace;
The reverend Sire walks to a Chest,
Of all his
Furniture the best,
Closely confined within a Room,
Which seldom
felt the weight of Broom;

From thence he lugs a Cag of Rum,
And
nodding to me, thus begun:
I find, says he, you don't much care
For
this our _Indian_ Country Fare;
But let me tell you, Friend of mine,
You may be glad of it in time,

Tho' now your Stomach is so fine;
And if within this Land you stay,

You'll find it true what I do say.
This said, the Rundlet up he threw,

And bending backwards strongly drew:
I pluck'd as stoutly for my
part,
Altho' it made me sick at Heart,
And got so soon into my Head

I scarce cou'd find my way to Bed;
Where I was instantly convey'd


By one who pass'd for Chamber-Maid,
Tho' by her loose and
sluttish Dress,
She rather seemed a _Bedlam-Bess_:
Curious to
know from whence she came,
I prest her to declare her Name.
She
Blushing, seem'd to hide her Eyes,
And thus in Civil Terms replies;

In better Times, e'er to this Land,
I was unhappily Trapann'd;
Perchance as well I did appear,
As any Lord or Lady here,
Not then
a Slave for twice two (m) Year.
My Cloaths were fashionably new,

Nor were my Shifts of Linnen Blue;
But things are changed, now at
the Hoe,
I daily work, and Bare-foot go,
In weeding Corn or
feeding Swine,
I spend my melancholy Time.
Kidnap'd and Fool'd,
I hither fled,
To shun a hated Nuptial (n) Bed,
And to my cost
already find,
Worse Plagues than those I left behind.
Whate'er the
Wanderer did profess,
Good-faith I cou'd not chuse but guess
The
Cause which brought her to this place,
Was supping e'er the Priest
laid Grace.
Quick as my Thoughts, the Slave was fled,
(Her Candle
left to shew my Bed)
Which made of Feathers soft and good,
Close
in the (o) Chimney-corner stood;
I threw me down expecting Rest,

To be in golden Slumbers blest:
But soon a noise disturb'd my quiet,

And plagu'd me with nocturnal Riot;
A Puss which in the ashes lay,

With grunting Pig began a Fray;
And prudent Dog, that feuds
might cease,
Most strongly bark'd to keep the Peace.
This Quarrel
scarcely was decided,
By stick that ready lay provided;
But
_Reynard_, arch and cunning Loon,
Broke into my Appartment soon:

In hot pursuit of Ducks and Geese,

With fell intent the same to
seize:
Their Cackling Plaints with strange surprize,
Chac'd Sleep's
thick Vapours from my Eyes;
Raging I jump'd upon the Floar,
And
like a Drunken Saylor Swore;
With Sword I fiercely laid about,

And soon dispers'd the Feather'd Rout
The Poultry out of Window
flew,
And _Reynard_ cautiously withdrew:
The Dogs who this
Encounter heard,
Fiercely themselves to aid me rear'd,
And to the
Place of Combat run,
Exactly as the Field was won.
Fretting and
hot as roasting Capon,
And greasy as a Flitch of Bacon;
I to the

Orchard did repair,
To Breathe the cool and open Air;
Expecting
there the rising Day,
Extended on a Bank I lay;
But Fortune here, that fancy Whore,
Disturb'd me worse and plagu'd
me more,
Than she had done the night before:
Hoarse croaking (p)
Frogs did 'bout me ring,
Such Peals the Dead to Life wou'd bring,
A
Noise might move their Wooden King.
I stuffed my Ears with Cotten
white,
For fear of being deaf out-right,
And curst the melancholy
Night;
But soon my Vows I did recant,
And Hearing as a Blessing
grant;
When a confounded Rattle-Snake,
With hissing made my
Heart to ake:
Not knowing how to fly the Foe,
Or whither in the
Dark to go;
By strange good Luck, I took a Tree,
Prepar'd by Fate
to set me free;
Where riding on a Limb a stride,
Night and the Branches did me hide,

And I the Devil and Snake defy'd.
Not yet from Plagues exempted
quite,
The curst Muskitoes did me bite;
Till rising Morn' and
blushing Day,
Drove both my Fears and Ills away;
And from
Night's Errors set me free.
Discharg'd from hospitable Tree;
I did to Planter's Booth repair,
And there at Breakfast nobly Fare

On rashier broil'd of infant Bear:
I thought the Cub delicious Meat,

Which ne'er did ought but Chesnuts eat;
Nor was young Orsin's flesh
the worse,
Because he sucked a Pagan Nurse.
Our Breakfast done,
my Landlord stout,
Handed a