The Sleeping Bard | Page 7

bottom. "To what place are those fools seeking
to get?" said I. "To a place high enough," said he; "they are seeking to
break into the treasury of the princess." "I will warrant it is full
enough," said I. "It is," he replied; "and with every thing which belongs
to this street, for the purpose of being distributed amongst the
inhabitants. There you will find every species of warlike arms to
subdue and to over-run countries; every species of arms of gentility,
banners, escutcheons, books of pedigree, stanzas and poems relating to
ancestry, with every species of brave garments; admirable stories, lying
portraits; all kinds of tints and waters to embellish the countenance; all
sorts of high offices and titles; and, to be brief, there is every thing
there that is adapted to cause a man to think better of himself, and
worse of others than he ought. The chief officers of this treasury are
masters of ceremonies, vagabonds, genealogists, bards, orators,
flatterers, dancers, tailors, mantua-makers, and the like." From this

great street we proceeded to the next, where the princess Lucre reigns;
it was a full and prodigiously wealthy street, yet not half so splendid
and clean as the street of Pride, nor its people half so bold and lofty
looking; for they were skulking mean-looking fellows, for the most
part.
There were in this street thousands of Spaniards, Hollanders, Venetians,
and Jews, and a great many aged, decrepit people were also there.
"Pray, sir," said I, "what kind of men are these?" "They have all gain in
view," said he. "At the lowest extremity, on one side, you will still see
the Pope; also subduers of kingdoms and their soldiers, oppressors,
foresters, shutters up of the common foot-paths, justices and their
bribers, and the whole race of lawyers down to the catchpole. On the
other side," said he, "there are physicians, apothecaries, doctors, misers,
merchants, extortioners, usurers, refusers to pay tithes, wages, rents, or
alms which were left to schools and charity houses; purveyors and
chapmen who keep and raise the market to their own price;
shopkeepers (or sharpers) who make money out of the necessity or
ignorance of the buyer; stewards of every degree, sturdy beggars,
taverners who plunder the families of careless men of their property,
and the country of its barley for the bread of the poor. All these are
thieves of the first water," said he; "and the rest are petty thieves, for
the most part, and keep at the upper end of the street; they consist of
highway robbers, tailors, weavers, millers, measurers of wet and dry,
and the like." In the midst of this discourse, I heard a prodigious tumult
at the lower end of the street, where there was a huge crowd of people
thronging towards the gate, with such pushing and disputing as caused
me to imagine that there was a general fray on foot, until I demanded of
my friend what was the matter. "There is an exceeding great treasure in
that tower," said the angel, "and all that concourse is for the purpose of
choosing a treasurer to the princess, in lieu of the Pope, who has been
turned out of that office." So we went to see the election.
The men who were competing for the office were the _Stewards_, the
_Usurers_, the _Lawyers_, and the _Merchants_, and the richest of the
whole was to obtain it, because the more you have the more you shall
crave, is the epidemic curse of the street. The Stewards were rejected at

the first offer, lest they should impoverish the whole street, and, as they
had raised their palaces on the ruins of their masters, lest they should in
the end turn the princess out of her possession; then the dispute arose
between the three others; the Merchants had the most silks, the
Lawyers most mortgages on lands, and the Usurers the greatest number
of full bags, and bills and bonds. "Ha! they will not agree to night," said
the angel, "so come away; the Lawyers are richer than the Merchants,
the Usurers are richer than the Lawyers, and the Stewards than the
Usurers, and Belial than the whole, for he owns them all, and their
property too."
"For what reason is the princess keeping these thieves about her?" I
demanded. "What can be more proper," said he, "when she herself is
the arrantest of thieves." I was astonished to hear him call the princess
thus, and the greatest potentates thieves of the first water. "Pray, my
lord," said I, "how can you call those illustrious people greater thieves
than robbers on the highway?" "You are but a dupe," said he; "is not
the villain who goes over the world with his sword in his hand and his
plunderers behind him, burning