The Simpkins Plot | Page 4

wearing a red moustache. He carried a battered Gladstone bag in one
hand. The guard glanced at him and then distended his cheeks with air,
meaning to blow his whistle.
"Hold on a minute," said the clergyman. "I'm thinking of travelling by
this train."
The audacity of this statement shook the self-possession of the guard.
"Can't wait," he said. "Time's up. You ought to have been here sooner."
To say this he was obliged to take the whistle from his lips; and the
engine-driver, who had a strict sense of duty, was unable to start.

"As a matter of fact," said the clergyman, "I'm not only here soon
enough, I'm an hour and a half too soon. The train I intended to catch is
the next one."
The guard put his whistle to his lips again.
"If you blow that thing," said the clergyman, "before I'm in the train, I'll
take an action against the company for assault and battery."
The guard hesitated. He did not see how such an action could be
sustained in court; but he felt the necessity of thinking over his position
carefully before running any risks. The law, especially in Ireland, is a
curious thing, and no wise man entangles himself with it if he can help
it. Railway guards are all wise men, otherwise they would not have
risen to their high positions.
"Now that I am here," said the clergyman, "I may as well go by this
train. Excuse me one moment; I want to get a few newspapers."
This was gross impertinence, and the guard was in no mood to stand it.
He blew his whistle. The engine shrieked excitedly, and the train
started with a violent jerk.
The clergyman seized a handful of newspapers from the bookstall.
Clinging to them and his bag he ran across the platform. He tried the
doors of two third-class compartments as they passed him, and found
them locked. He happened next upon that which was occupied by Miss
King, opened the door, and tumbled in.
"I've only got a third-class ticket," he said cheerfully; "but I shall travel
first class the whole way now, and I shan't pay a penny of excess fare."
"Won't they make you?" said Miss King.
She realised that she had found an unexpectedly early opportunity of
studying the peculiarities of the Irish character, and determined to make
the most of it.

"Certainly not," said the clergyman. "The position is this. I have a
through ticket--I bought it yesterday--which entitles me to travel on this
railway to Donard. If the doors of all the third-class carriages are
locked when I arrive at the station, I take it that the company means me
to travel first class. Their own action is a clear indication of their
intention. There isn't a jury in Ireland would give it against me, even if
the case came into court, which, of course, it won't."
"I'm going to Donard, too," said Miss King.
"Are you? It's a wretched hole of a place. I don't advise you to stop
there long."
"I'm not staying there at all. I'm driving straight on to Ballymoy."
"If you're at all familiar with Ballymoy, I expect you've heard of me.
My name's Meldon, the Reverend J. J. Meldon, B.A. I was curate of
Ballymoy once, and everybody who was there in my time will be
talking about me still. I'm going back there now for a holiday."
"But I'm quite a stranger," said Miss King. "I've never been in
Ballymoy."
Meldon glanced at the bag which lay on the seat before her. There was
no label on it, but it bore the initials M. K. in gold letters on its side.
"I suppose," he said, "that you're not by any chance a sister or a niece
of Major Kent's?"
"No. I'm not. I don't even know Major Kent. My name is King.
Millicent King."
A clergyman is, necessarily, more or less educated. Mr. Meldon had
proclaimed himself a bachelor of arts. It was natural to suppose that he
would have known the name, even the real name, of a famous living
novelist. Apparently he did not. Miss King felt a little disappointed.
"I daresay," said Meldon, without showing any signs of being

impressed, "that you're going to stop with the Resident Magistrate."
"No," said Miss King decisively.
"You don't look like the sort of person who'd be going on a visit to the
rectory."
Miss King was handsomely dressed. She appeared to be a lady of high
fashion; not at all likely to be an inmate of the shabby little rectory at
Ballymoy. She shook her head. Then, because she did not like being
cross-questioned, she put an end to the conversation by opening her bag
and taking out a bundle of typewritten papers. She