The Silly Syclopedia | Page 9

cents extra with a hair cut," whispered the barber.
It was his last whisper in that shop.
Shouting the battle cry of the Cherokees, the Indian, grabbed the bay rum bottle and poured it carefully over his thirst.
[Illustration]
This was followed by a bottle of hair tonic, which seemed to go to his head.
Then the Indian swallowed a bottle of whisker dye and all seemed to grow black before him.
The barber groaned in agony.
It was thrilling.
When last seen the Indian was drinking a bottle of dry shampoo and foaming at the mouth, while he blessed the White Father at Washington for inventing the barber shop.
That afternoon Sniffles, the barber, and Mike, his under secretary, walked back to Washington and handed in their resignation to the Interior Department.

[Illustration: "J--The Tip End of the season."]
Jolly not that you be not jollied.
Justice is blind for the reason that some lawyers would give her a pain if she could see them.
Journeys end in porter tippings.
Just as you value yourself justly just that much are you valuable.
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### J: The tenth letter of the alphabet, used almost exclusively to designate a Reub with rubber in the neck--whatever that may be. ###
[Illustration: JAY]
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JAG. See gold cure. If that hasn't any effect, see an undertaker.
JOCKEY. A hero or a slob--it all together depends on where the horse finishes.
JOKE. Something that's extremely clever--when we make it ourselves.
[Illustration.]
JOLLY. Flattery with a smile on its face.
JOLT. The thing a man gets who thinks he knows it all.
JOY. Gladness with the lid off.
JUG. A place to keep the material before it becomes a jag.
JUDGMENT. An ability which some men get credit for having when in reality they are merely lucky at guessing things.
JUSTICE. The name we give it when the verdict is the way we want it.

[Illustration: "K--A Small boy can spoil the most favorable circumstance."]
Kisses go by favorable circumstances.
Kidders are as happy as kids till somebody kids them.
Keep a stiff upper lip--especially when you're shaving yourself.
Knockers never have weak lungs.
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### K: The eleventh letter of the alphabet, pronounced K, as in Knuckle. ###
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KEEN. A grafter with a victim in sight.
KENO. What the grafter says when he's through with the victim.
KEEP. The motto of the Trusts.
KEY. An instrument used at 2 A.M. in connection with a door to determine whether a man is sober or not.
[Illustration]
KEROSENE. An ambitious substance used by cooks when they want to go out through the kitchen roof.
KICKER. A man with a grouch on the inside and a voice on the outside.
KISS. A sigh set to music. The oldest monopoly in the world with the exception of John D. Rockerfeller. A kiss is the soul's cocktail. A wireless message from he to she, with a little peaches and cream on the side.
[Illustration]
KNOCKER. A hurdle in the way of the worthy. A chin-critic. An expert with the harpoon.

[Illustration: "L--When a man is so lazy that he won't talk he is called profound."]
Love laughs at everybody except the girl's Papa.
Laziness generally attacks every part of a man except his tongue.
Lots of men spend two dollars' worth of worry over the loss of a quarter.
Look around and you'll see that the world likes to side with the man who has the cash.
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### L: The twelfth letter of the alphabet, captured some years ago for the purpose of describing the Elevated Railroad. ###
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LABOR. Trying to get back the money you loaned.
[Illustration]
LADY. A gentleman woman.
LAMB. A young mutton-head that goes into Wall Street.
LARK. A bird of a name given to a bird of a time.
LIGHT. An excuse used by the Gas Company to collect money.
LITERARY FAILURE. A man whose brain was unfit for publication.
[Illustration]
LOBSTER. A shine after he gets in the swim.
LOAFER. A man who believes the world owes him a living and sends another man to collect it.
LOVE. A certain party who is supposed to be blind, but he doesn't seem to have much trouble in finding someone to lead him around.

[Illustration: "M--One experiment that few are willing to make."]
Money cannot buy happiness, but most of us are willing to make the experiment.
Many people would take a short walk on the road to ruin if they were sure their friends wouldn't see them.
Money is the root of much friendship.
Marry in haste and repent in Dakota.
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#### M: The thirteenth letter of the alphabet, which very few people use because thirteen is unlucky. ####
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MACARONI. An excuse for opening an Italian restaurant.
MAP. That part of the human face which is visible above the collar.
[Illustration]
MARVEL. A man who never tells you his troubles.
MEDAL. A gold or silver dingus which you get for doing something you intended to do anyway.
MEDDLER. The fellow who butts in and says you're