The Silly Syclopedia | Page 6

only one thing to do however."]
Fine feathers make fine birds take to the woods.
Failures made by other people pave the road to your Success.
Fortune wears rubber shoes and a feather pillow on each hand when she knocks on your door.
Fair play is a jewel, but so many people can't afford jewelry.
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### F: The sixth letter of the alphabet. It is formed by the passage of the breath between the lower lip and the upper incisive teeth, but that doesn't seem to worry it any. ###
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FABLE. The story a man thinks his wife believes--and she lets him think it.
FAD. See hobby.
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FADE. To gradually disappear. For example: "I had ten plunks when I went out last night, but they faded away." (Lord Palmerston, page 21.)
FAKE. Something we buy to make sure it isn't on the level.
FAITH. Something which is said to move mountains, but the railroad contractors always mix in a little dynamite to help matters along.
FAULT. Something which is so easy to find, but it is so hard to give it when we find it.
FAMILY. The only cure for race suicide.
FAVOR. Something we do for a friend so he can forget about it.
FLATTERER. A man who makes friends until he begins to talk about himself.
FORGER. A man who tries to make a name for himself, but who picks out the wrong name.
FRIEND. A man who knows you are a liar, but hopes otherwise.
FRIENDSHIP. The name of the handle some people put on other people for the purpose of using them.
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FOOTBALL. A system of manslaughter very fashionable with boys. From the Latin words "footibus," meaning "put the boots to him," and "balloona," meaning "up in the air, or, who hit me with a public building?" A body of college students surrounded by ambulances. For instance:
Sing a song of football Pockets full of salve; Four and twenty legs all Punctured at the calve. Captain in the hospital Fullback in the soup, Twenty-seven faces Broken in the group. Sophomores and Freshmen Punched around the ring; When the war was over The boys began to sing!
Raw! Raw! Raw! Raw! Raw! Raw! Stew them! Fry them! Raw! Raw! Raw! Oysters!

[Illustration: "G--The friends that Gold buys shake hands with two fingers."]
Great oaths from little aching corns do grow.
Great minds run in the same channel--especially if they are sea captains.
Gold is a dull metal, but it can cut friendship quicker than a knife.
Good names are better than great riches and that is why so many of us have names without price.
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### G: The seventh letter of the alphabet. Used by the ancients as an expression of surprise, thus: Hully Gee! ###
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GAB. The product of a ball-bearing chin.
GAG. A joke rendered insensible by a third-rail comedian.
GAS. A substance we make light of until the bill comes in. _"You may hide your light under a bushel, but you'll get a bill from the gas company just the same_." (Shakespeare, page 9.)
GAS BILL. Something that comes in to put us out.
GAS METER. A bit of machinery invented by Ananias in order to please Saphira and keep the household supplied with lies while the old man was down in the grocery store.
GET-RICH-QUICK. An aquarium for suckers. A place where poor people go to get poorer.
GEE-GEE. A horse by any other name will run as fast.
GENIAL. A guy that never was known to buy.
GENIUS. Something we have in our family--if you don't believe me, come and hear our little boy recite.
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GENT. Two-thirds of a gentleman.
GENTLEMAN. A title which many a man claims because the public hasn't time to prove him otherwise.
GERM. See microbes. In order to see microbes you'll have to get a magnifying glass.
GOSH. A Yankee synonym for dad bust it! See _dag my buttons!_ See any Reub.
GOSSIP. Something which a woman hears with one ear and tells with both. A woman who can put two and two together and make five.
GOOD TIME. About $9 worth of headache next morning and eighteen cents in small change left in the pocket.
GOURMAND. A man who delights to make his stomach feel like a department store.
GRAND OPERA. A disease which breaks out in society every winter and can be cured only by inward applications of a seat in a box and outward applications of diamonds on the chest.
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Bjingle Bjangle, the celebrated Norwegian raconteur, thus describes in his book of travels a visit to the grand opera in New York, as follows:--
I went to the opera last night and enjoyed it unspeakably.
I noticed that most of the ladies in the boxes enjoyed it also, but not unspeakably.
The ladies, Heaven bless them! seemed to be suffering from that operatic disease which is called nervous conversation.
This is a disease which attacks the vocal chords just as soon as